To not have children because of money & holidays

[tutufruiti]

We are not poor but not rich either, somewhere in the middle. We are comfortable and can afford holidays and days out if we're not too extravagant on other things.
I want a baby but don't know if I can give up having holidays and going out on trips and enjoying life. We would be able to afford a child but would have to give up holidays and for me it's the best time of the year! I've also started to see how difficult and stressful my friends find it having kids and it's putting me off!
Would I be silly to not try, when it has always been my dream to have them? It had always been in my plan I suppose because it seems
to be what people do and I hadn't questioned otherwise. But now I'm starting to wonder if it is worth it?

How many children do you want?

One and you mostly can continue your existing lifestyle especially if you have family and close friends you get on with really well and live nearby to help with childcare.

Two or more no chance.

I think you really have to reassess whether you want children.
I realised I didn't want children after I had one and although I adore my now grown up son motherhood was not for me.
I think we should only have children if we want them above all else and will doanything or sacrifice anything to have them.
That doesn't really sound like the case here and that's fine.
Having kids turns your life upside down and means the end of nice things for a long time. You have to decide if you want that.
I had to make an awful lot of compromises, no new stuff for me and camping holidays in the UK for the forseeable future.
We are all conditioned to think we need children but I have lots of friends my age who are very glad they didn't.
I'd start by making a pros and cons list and see how you feel.

You can choose not to have children for whatever reason you want. But it does sound like deep down you would like them?

I'm a single parent of one child and yes I had to give up holidays while he was young but now he's at school there is much less cost in terms of childcare. We've been on 3 foreign holidays and are going on our 4th next month.

I would not have any more children as I'm a low earner and could not afford extras if I had any more. It's doable with just one.

Both fulfilling in different ways. We're not having holidays because we have nearly two DC's under two and had to buy a bigger house. I could see resorts being a bit of a pain when they're little and DD can't handle the heat. I don't miss nights out and getting plastered one bit though. You would adjust. Having DD made me realise there's a lot more to life than a lifestyle IYSWIM?

I don't know. It's difficult to say because if I have one and love being a Mum then I might want two. This will depend on fertility as well, I've got no reason to think I can't have them but you never know.
You're right that deep down I have always wanted them but now I think that might be because I just never considered not having them.

You definitely do need to make sacrifices if you have kids. Ok, some people may tell you that's not true, but I'm not sure how they manage it!
How old are you OP? If you're still enjoying the holidays and freedom then maybe leave it a few years and see how you feel?

Do you feel happy, content and fulfilled in your child-free state? It isn’t compulsory to have kids.

Will you feel happy, content in your life for the next 40 years doing what you are doing, if you don’t have kids?

If you have kid (s) now, how old will you be in 18 years, and will your earnings have increased via promotions, experience etc? Will you be able to do loads of travel then?

Babies: easy and cheap to travel with, especially if breast fed, and pre walking.
Two year olds: cheap but a nightmare.
3 year olds: have to pay for flight but not restricted to school hols.
4-17 peak expense, but can be increasingly adventurous,

How old are you if you don't mind me asking?

I think its perfectly valid to choose whatever lifestyle over having dc. And I am sure you would find more things that bring meaning to your life - career, sports, travel - but routine work and the odd holiday probably won’t be ‘enough’ for very long, if you have thoughts of wanting them? Great to wait until clearer though.

That’s the thing - it is a total lifestyle change but because of how wonderful having a child is you want to do things differently.

I don’t miss my pre children life at all. We’ve still managed to have holidays and treats but they are child friendly. I’d echo what another poster said having a child added new meaning to my life

Holidays are fine but they're what, a couple of weeks out of the year? Children are effort but they add an unquantifiable level of depth and meaning to your life. One child is relatively easy and so much joy. I wouldn't worry about missing a few holidays in return.

On any list of pros and cons, the cons are likely to outweigh the pros on a practical level (money, stress etc). So the only reason to have kids is if you really want them! If you're happy without, and so is your partner that's fine too.

“You're right that deep down I have always wanted them but now I think that might be because I just never considered not having them.”

That resonates with me. I always wanted children but I don’t think I ever considered not having them. Now I have one, I think I was naive for not really considering it. I’m only realising what I’ve lost now it’s too late!

So no YANBU

We still had nice holidays after having kids, but they probably were not quite as posh as they would have been otherwise. Kids are expensive, no doubt about it, especially as they hit the teenage years.

We had two, which I think was a good compromise for us between the additional financial burden and wanting to have them in general.

Having a baby is hard work. To be honest, unless you feel that you will be unfulfilled without one then there's a lot going for staying childfree!

I had children because I didn't think I could be happy without them, but you do have to be willing to live up a lot, especially in the early years.

I would say don't have children if you have even the teeniest doubt , it is life changing and not always for the better ime. Sadly , with divorce rates so high , you might even become a single parent and then it's even harder.

Yanbu.

It’s totally up to you both how you live your life.

We could just about afford holidays before becoming parents, if we really scrimped and saved. Now we’re just about making ends meet and holidays abroad are a luxury we can’t afford.

But it’s worth it and I wouldn’t change it for the world. I anticipate that once kids are in school and we’re not paying for f/t nursery we’ll be able to have the odd foreign holiday or other luxury.

How old are you op?

Children are effort but they add an unquantifiable level of depth and meaning to your life

not in every case , sadly.

We have chosen to stick with one child for this reason

You can travel with kids. Two friends of mine just toured Europe in a camper van. But having children isn’t compulsory either, and there are enough people on this planet that I think you’re not justified in having them unless you’re really sure.

YANBU. They're bloody expensive. We've calculated that when they in their teens well be spending about 85k a year. A year! On top of that the cost of living is already ridiculously expensive. Its no wonder that middle class families are by and large reliant on state handouts to support a family. Terroble economic climate for having children.

You don't sound like you really want DC at the moment which is fine - you don't have to have them.

When my DC were both under school age, yeah we gave up holidays for a bit. Now one is at school and one starts in September we've plenty more money and we have two holidays booked in the second half of this year.

I didn't really enjoy having tiny babies and losing sleep but it doesn't last that long and I adore having children.

Having kids is a little bit of 'short term pain for long term gain' for the first few years! Yes, you normally have to give up things you like for a few years (sleep, holidays) but if you wait it out a couple of years then you have lovely children to share your holidays and other aspects of your life with.

"I don't fancy it" is a good enough reason to not have children.

Would I be silly to not try, when it has always been my dream to have them? It had always been in my plan I suppose because it seems
to be what people do and I hadn't questioned otherwise.

I think there's a contradicition here.

If it's your 'dream' to have kids, then you wouldn't be questioning it. If you want to have children because ''it's what people do'' then that's another matter entirely.

Anyway, you don't have to justify a decision not to have children. If you want to have more disposable income and leisure time, that sounds like a perfectly good reason to me. It's certainly one of the reasons I have chosen not to have children. I know some people above are saying "Oh but you can have children and go on holidays." Sure. If your idea of holidays is of the 'family friendly' variety and if you earn enough money to be able to afford double the number of flight tickets etc.

IMHO unless you really have that urge to have children, you should not have them.