They won't let dp come home

[catchingzedz]

Basically DP works for a very big well-known company, enjoys the job but they're very strict on time off. For the past 3 months our baby DS has been suffering unexplained seizures he's had 6 now. He spends a few days in hospital each time which DP is not aloud anytime off for. Sadly DS had 2 seizures within minutes of each other this morning and had to be rushed to hospital in an ambulance. Usually I'd be fine going with him alone but I suffered a miscarriage recently and feel generally awful. Also these were the worst and longest fits he's ever had, now he's very fussy and sicky and I'm very emotional so I called DP's office only for his manager to tell me, 'I'm very sorry about that. I'll let your DP know when I can. I don't see any reason for him to come and sit in the hospital though, it won't help the situation'
I'm livid. DS has gone to have some tests done that I can't sit in for and so I'm an emotional wreck as I write this.
Aibu to think that his (by the way childless) manager is a heartless bitch and that this a perfectly reasonable situation to leave work for??

That is very heartless.

I don’t know if it is an option but your DH, by law, is allowed to take Parental leave.

I'm sure this is illegal.

What Tink2007 says above.

Also, you might want to go above manager's head to HR. His manager is stopping you contacting your husband in an emergency. Bitch.

What a cow! Would it be awkward for your husband to go over her head?

Aibu to think that his (by the way childless) manager is a heartless bitch

Oi. Stop that. I know you're upset but it is not necessary to add that comment about the manager being childless, implying that those of us without kids can't possibly understand or show empathy.

How awful for you. I'm not a legal expert but I do know that parents are alllowed 'time of for dependents'. So children, partners etc.
To deal with emergencies for them. It has to be related to the dependent though - you'd be hard pushed to use it for a broken boiler though.
Is there no way for you to talk to your partner without going through the manager? Can you get him on his mobile or a message through WhatsApp?
I find this website so helpful at work:
www.workingfamilies.org.uk/
Easier than trawling through the .gov website.
Hope little one get sorted soon, what a horrible stressful thing to be going through. For all of you.

Wow 😮 YADNBU. How awful for you having to go through this alone. I’d expect my DH to tell them that he’s going to take time off to support his wife and poorly baby. What’s the worst that could happen to him? Fired? A tribunal would love that (not HR qualified so could be talking bollocks). His company must have some policies around this surely?

You poor love, you’ve been through the mill. I hope your DS gets the diagnosis and treatment he needs xx

@oddcat I think he would if he knew the situation but I have no way of getting to him directly. She always uses the excuse that they're too busy and that the whole branch will be put out if he leaves. I don't think she understands the severity of the situation

Your DH is allow unpaid time off for dependents to deal with unexpected and unforeseen emergencies. A child suddenly becoming ill this type of situation.

Just because you don't have kids doesn't mean you can't have empathy with those who do.
The woman is awful and yes he is allowed parental leave. He needs to go to HR.
My Dad had similar with my brother. He died at birth, my Mum ended up in Icu not expected to make the morning and my Dad's boss refused the time off. He couldn't afford to lose his job as they had a mortgage.

This is awful!

What if heaven forbid something really bad happened!

Do you know anyone who could go to his work?

I would be calling back and asking to speak to your dh direct as this is an emergency. if she refuses do you have a parent, sibling or friend who can go to his work and get him?

Hi. HR manager here. She’s a bitch and this is exactly what time off for dependents leave is for (parental leave is different, that’s a set amount of planned leave taken in blocks of one week or more). I’m not sure what the answer is about contacting your husband today but when your son is better and you are in a better headspace your husband needs to address this, either with his manager or someone more senior.

Hope your son is ok.

This is ridiculous. Phone his work again and demand to speak to him. Tell the manager it's an emergency situation and then tell her to go fuck herself.

From the Government website:

Your rights
As an employee you’re allowed time off to deal with an emergency involving a dependant. A dependant could be a spouse, partner, child, grandchild, parent, or someone who depends on you for care.

You’re allowed a reasonable amount of time off to deal with the emergency, but there’s no set amount of time as it depends on the situation.

Example: If your child falls ill you could take time off to go to the doctor and make care arrangements. Your employer may then ask you to take annual leave or parental leave if you want to look after your child for longer.

Limits on time off
There are no limits on how many times you can take time off for dependants. Your employer may want to talk to you if they think time off is affecting your work.

Pay
Your employer may pay you for time off to look after dependants but they don’t have to. Check your contract, company handbook or intranet site to see if there are rules about this.

Exceptions
You can’t have time off if you knew about a situation beforehand. For example you wouldn’t be covered if you wanted to take your child to hospital for an appointment. You might get parental leave instead.

Check your employment status to see if you’re classed as an ‘employee’.

Compassionate leave
If you aren’t given time off for dependants, your employer may allow you ‘compassionate leave’ - this can be paid or unpaid leave for emergency situations. Check your employment contract, company handbook or intranet for details about compassionate leave.

I would call back and ask to speak to HR (if a bigger company)
Explain the situation, and that his manager will not allow him time off, or to talk to you.

Or, phone back, talk to manager, and insist on speaking to dh. If she says no, then tell her she is breaking the law, as this is an emergency

As other pp said, is there anyone who can go there directly?

((((((((Huge Hugs))))))))

why can you call/text your dh on his mobile? He does have a break?
I think its awful. You are entitled to special leave for a child.

that's terrible.
surely it is up to your DH
couldnt you have spoken to him instead?

You should call back and demand to speak to your DH, now.

As an aside, I hope you don't mind me saying, but another baby at this time would be very stressful. Can you wait a little longer until your DS's condition is under control?

She really is awful, OP, your DP should be allowed special leave in these circumstances. I'm so sorry about your little DS, hope things get better for him soon.

Do you have any way of contacting him directly?

I suppose their argument is there is already an adult/parent with your son. I'm not saying that's right but I assume that's their line of thinking - there is a parent there who is dealing with the situation, so why does there need to be a second one?

Erm, why exactly aren't you speaking to your husband directly OP? Why are you telling his manager like you need her permission.

How fucking weird.

Why can't you contact your husband directly instead of having to go through his manager?

If you phone up his manager, then as far as she is concerned there is a parent dealing with the child and he isn't needed. However if you tell your husband he can sort out leaving work himself.