They won't let dp come home

[catchingzedz]

Basically DP works for a very big well-known company, enjoys the job but they're very strict on time off. For the past 3 months our baby DS has been suffering unexplained seizures he's had 6 now. He spends a few days in hospital each time which DP is not aloud anytime off for. Sadly DS had 2 seizures within minutes of each other this morning and had to be rushed to hospital in an ambulance. Usually I'd be fine going with him alone but I suffered a miscarriage recently and feel generally awful. Also these were the worst and longest fits he's ever had, now he's very fussy and sicky and I'm very emotional so I called DP's office only for his manager to tell me, 'I'm very sorry about that. I'll let your DP know when I can. I don't see any reason for him to come and sit in the hospital though, it won't help the situation'
I'm livid. DS has gone to have some tests done that I can't sit in for and so I'm an emotional wreck as I write this.
Aibu to think that his (by the way childless) manager is a heartless bitch and that this a perfectly reasonable situation to leave work for??

It’s a odd stance to take from the company. However there are jobs where this situation holds true, by the sound of it this isn’t one

OP this is awful, I’m so sorry.

If you have to call her again, I suggest you say something like ‘There has been a medical emergency involving my son. DH is needed at hospital immediately, please pass this message on to him without delay.’

@Kursk I can think of some of those companies/organisations but they try and pass messages on even if the person can't leave their post.

Really sorry that you're having this issue and I hope your baby is ok!

I can see why some jobs would not allow time off for something like this - there was a thread a while back about someone whose DH was a prison officer, for e.g., and he was incommunicado while he was at work until his break times - but if it's not that kind of job, then his manager is definitely being horrible.

She should still be able to contact him to let him know that you and your baby are at the hospital and the severity of the situation - and it IS fucking severe! - so that he has some option in terms of what to do (i.e. tell her to go fuck herself and he needs to be with his wife while she is in deep distress with a very sick baby)

Lots of strength, love and to you xx

@Eliza9917 if you see that posters posts on employment issues you will understand why JamieVardysHavingAParty posted that.

Go higher ASAP. Call head office, tweet them direct and put pressure on them.

YANBU at all to need your DH there. Clearly you've coped in the past, but this time circumstances are different. I'd try to get your friend to call reception/switchboard or HR to see if you can get an 'urgent message' through. Explain it's a medical emergency.

I have some experience of what you're going through - sick child in hospital, frequent admissions. Sometimes you know you can cope on your own, other times the medical staff are clearly more concerned and the situation looks more serious, in which case both parents need to be there if possible. Our DS' consultants preferred to talk to both of us when tests/results were involved, and we had to make decisions about procedures or further, more invasive testing. Listening to the consultant, relaying the conversation etc, going back to the consultant with questions etc, wastes potentially valuable time, can confuse the message, and you need to support each other and come to a mutual decision on what's best for your child.

No job is worth more than potentially not being there for a very sick or dying child! especially of you are physically capable of getting to the place where they are in distress!

I work in jobs where sometimes you cannot take your phone with you, it's locked up securely outside a security zone, for example.

Even on a nuclear reactor site, even on a highly secure site, someone will get a message through to you - sending a messenger or through radio etc. It takes more time, but there are comms. The only exceptions are if you are in transit (air) or working remotely where there's no reception. In both these cases you would expect an urgent call to go through the receiving airport or your base, so you'd get it as soon as possible.

I also have a sick baby who spends a lot of time in hospital (surgery on his oesophagus so chokes a lot and goes blue).

Your DH's manager is vile.

My DH is a teacher so it's very difficult to get time off. But he has never been refused if it's an emergency i.e. ambulance has been called. Lots of it has been unpaid leave but that's understandable.

Shocking behaviour from the manager.

Hope your son will be ok OP

For the future, do they still make pagers you could invest in for your DH?

I don't think naming and shaming the company would be useful here- as PP suggested you do.
I do think this met the criteria for compassionate leave, it was an emergency as assessed by someone more qualified than the manager. The leave relates to you as his spouse and the state you are in and to his DS who is very ill.
The hospital could call, but they shouldn't have to.
Hopefully between you and your friend this has been resolved but a meeting with HR is necessary.

You did well not to tell her to shove it up her arse. What a grade A bitch.

Take it FAR above her head. FAR FAR above it.

I’m sorry to hear about your miscarriage 💐

I hope they can sort DS out soon, it’s a very scary time ((Hug))

Where is Head Office/management? you need to go over and above her

@Firesuit let's hope your nearest and dearest take the stance when you're ill as having fits? Users can look after you, so get on with it.

The child is in a life threatening situation, both parents are required to give each other emotional support.

You by the sound of it wouldn't need emotional support as you seem to lack emotion, not everyone is like you.

I also hope your not an employer, nor ever will be.

Users = nurses!

It's not just about the emotional support. If the consultant comes back with options/diagnoses/further procedures, you need to all be able to discuss together, ask questions, assess risks. In these situations they can say "we think it could be x,y,z and these are the options to investigate further ABC, all with different risks and advantages. Which do you consent to? Or treatment options are DEF, all with different risks and benefits. Which do you consent to?"

Thanks all DP is here now and DS is doing well, just napping. DP said that when he got back to the office (after friend had called) that his manager told him about the situation and said it's his choice if he leaves but implied that he would be frowned upon if he did. Obviously he left anyway.
There's now been a message sent out to all the people work at the branch saying the following 'sorry for any inconvenience but all staff will be required to work up to an hour late this evening due to an unforeseen absence. I know that this is a big ask as a lot of you will be wanting to get home to your families but it is the only way proceed. Rest assured that this will be looked upon kindly if you should want to progress in the company in future months. Thank you team, managers name'
Baring in mind that staff aren't aloud their phones and that an hours overtime is basically an everyday occurrence at this job and definitely not seen as a big deal I can't help but think this is directly aimed at DP to make him feel bad/worried about the reception he'll get back at work. He is going to be taking it further and we're trying to put it to the back of our minds until DS is better

Glad dp is there and ds doing good op

Completely agree that message seems to be aimed at your dp.

@GruntBaby of course, that's a very good point that I missed!

@catchingzedz, good news about your son, hope he's home soon. As for that text it is so passive aggressive to your DH and to others not wanting to do overtime!

That's shocking. That email reads as bullying and highly unprofessional

What the actual fuck? They sent that message round and this is a very big, very well-known company?

So if someone rang in sick, are all staff sent a message to say they're all going to have to do an extra hour's work that night?

Sorry that's bollocks.

Horrible woman. I hope you’ve managed to contact your dh.

Could he change jobs?

First of all , I'm glad your baby is doing ok and your husband is with you.

Your husband needs to tackle this 'piece of work' via HR when he returns to work ,or find another job if at all possible.