They won't let dp come home

[catchingzedz]

Basically DP works for a very big well-known company, enjoys the job but they're very strict on time off. For the past 3 months our baby DS has been suffering unexplained seizures he's had 6 now. He spends a few days in hospital each time which DP is not aloud anytime off for. Sadly DS had 2 seizures within minutes of each other this morning and had to be rushed to hospital in an ambulance. Usually I'd be fine going with him alone but I suffered a miscarriage recently and feel generally awful. Also these were the worst and longest fits he's ever had, now he's very fussy and sicky and I'm very emotional so I called DP's office only for his manager to tell me, 'I'm very sorry about that. I'll let your DP know when I can. I don't see any reason for him to come and sit in the hospital though, it won't help the situation'
I'm livid. DS has gone to have some tests done that I can't sit in for and so I'm an emotional wreck as I write this.
Aibu to think that his (by the way childless) manager is a heartless bitch and that this a perfectly reasonable situation to leave work for??

Can I ask are you sure this is coming from them op

I don’t want to start a bung find but a lot of men who don’t want to share the donkey work suddenly find they can possibly book any holiday or get things their legally entitled to

Had this with my dh and it wasn’t work being Cunts at all he didn’t want to take the time off and just blamed them

However I hope I am wrong

I did say akthough not in these exact words, that parents who have children with life-limiting conditions need to decide a strategy on how to cope with frequent, non urgent hospital admissions

You have a very odd idea of what life is like for a family of a child with complex medical needs.

Blue is right. 'Routine' hospital admissions are not as common as you think they are. Children are not generally not admitted to hospital unless they have to be. Treatment is done on an outpatients basis or in the community.
Unless you are talking about elective surgery? In that case I would hardly describe surgery on a child with a serious underlying condition 'routine'. I mean, surgery on anyone's child tends to be a fairly major event, let alone one that is high risk.
You have experience of one employee who was given a devastating diagnosis for their child. You lost your patience with him when he didn't sort him self out in a short time.

So excuse me if I interpret your posts in a negative way.

I thought my experience might shine a light on the other side

Can you go shine that light somewhere else as the OP's situation is clearly different and you continuing to make your point is not helping

That's right, Clubcuts our DD1 has had a lot of hospital appointments for her eyesight and hearing, she wears glasses and hearing aids. But these are booked in advance so my DH can arrange time off for them. (Because one of us needs to stay at home with DD2.) By their very nature, emergencies can't be planned for in advance, and there should be flexibility, especially in this case where the OP's DH has done all he could to avoid having to take leave. And surely there should be some human compassion?

I would definitely raise a grievance especially with proof such as the text message, extremely passive aggressive.

I really hope (as you say the other workers no about DS) that they all say

Yes we will gladly do an hours overtime if it means your DH can spend time with his sick child in hopsital

Coz I no I would

It's illegal. Your child has a disability and your DH is covered by the Equalities Act - discrimination by association. Google it. Then speak to the manager.

Metodear OP spoke to the manager, not her partner. And after her partner left work, the manager sent an eamil to all employees, telling them they'll have to work overtime because he left work early, and saying that if they do overtime, they might get promoted.

It was definitely coming from the manager.

As usual, anyone with an alternative opinion is hounded off the thread, so you can all have a lovely time discussing how awful managers are.
I will take Clubcut's advice and go but before I do, just to clear up some of the misinterpretations of my posts I have seen, excluding MrsDV, who I have already addressed.
Clubcuts - no, I am not a Mike Ashley sympathiser, although I am unsure what that has to do with anything.
I stated very clearly that I thought the OP was being treated badly, but offered my take on the situation, just for the sake of a possible explanation.
However I can only assume that no-one on here has the first idea of planning workloads on a small staff, and the problems caused when one of the team keeps disappearing?
In my worker's case, he was told that the baby would be hospitalised every time he had a cold, so the hospital could become familiar with how his body dealt with the illbess. The baby was not hospitalised as an emergency, but was not planned admission either.
If everyone seriously thinks that someone should be paid to work full-time yet only work two to three days a week, letting the team down at short notice to sit with his wife at every admission, I think you are seriously deluded about the world of work and the realities of expectations.

Didn't rtft but please don't get legal advice off this thread, seek proper advice and support.
No it is not Time off for dependants - you are there so not an emergency requiring his input.
No it is probably not considered a disability (son's seizures), too early to tell though, but even if it was he is not being treated unfavourably because his son has a possible disability.
No parental leave will not help in the immediate future.
But yes the manager is possibly heartless and could try harder to support her staff.
Also relevant is how much service he has.

Hope your son is better. I'm surprised he only spent a couple of days in hospital each time. My son and I spent a week there after his first seizures. They did all the tests under the sun as they couldn't explain the fits. Hope your son gets better soon.

@ShatnersWig that was my thinking too (but sorry I missed you asking the same question ). Is there a pattern of such behaviour when any sort of absence is requested?

OP - what company is it? If you feel you cannot say, can you advise what industry?

Cath does kinda have a point. Unpalatable though it may be, emergency leave is intended for situations where there is no alternative. If a parent is with the child already, one more would be nice, but it's not essential.

If childcare is needed for other children not in hospital, that's different, but that is not apparently the case here.

HOWEVER...Any decent boss would allow the other parent to go off in these circumstances, certainly for the first admission, and I think the way this manager has handled this situation is unforgivable.

I would strongly urge the H to look for a new job asap because he will potentially need understanding in the future. If he can make the effort to go above and beyond for an organisation that will match that by being compassionate, then this is a mututally beneficial arrangement. The current boss' attitude will just breed resentment.

I spent 10 days in hospital with my DS a few years ago. I'm the only parent about to be there. I had to take half unpaid, and the company gave me the other half as a gesture of support, I was SO broke at the end of it all, but knowing that whatever I needed to do, I could do was most welcome. As a result, I'd never want to abuse that. I really appreciated their response. I still do. It made an awful situation just that little bit less stressful.

Having RTFT now, I agree with the people saying speak to the school about their reasons but don't go in all guns blazing. Also I would suggest trying them both in seperate classes first and if it doesnt work ask for them to be put together in the same class later. Much easier on them than putting them together at the start the seperating them later for one to have to make new friends etc later on

wrong thread?!