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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask the bride if I’m invited to her wedding?

393 replies

Tohaveandtohold · 08/06/2018 13:29

I know this would sound entitled as the only wedding I have to be obviously is mine but my work colleague is getting married. We are a team of 4 people and we are quite close at work, we chat, etc and I drop her off on Fridays as well when she’s going to her parents as it’s not just on my way ( she does not drive and stays with her fiancé the other days). We’ve literally talked about it this wedding since she got engaged last year. I even once followed her to the wedding venue. We go for lunch together, meal out, etc like I thought we were close.
Basically, 2 weeks ago, she gave the other 2 people in the team an invitation card to the wedding, I was there but she didn’t give me one. I still dropped her off last Friday as well and we have had lunch together almost every day this and last week and still no invitation card for me.
The other ladies have been checking for dresses online that they’ll wear but I can’t really.
Could I ask if I’m invited to the wedding or can I be invited and not have a card? I know you ladies will be honest and that’s why I’m asking as i’ll be dropping her off today and I’m sure we’ll talk about the wedding. Am I just been silly?

OP posts:
DrWhy · 08/06/2018 19:34

I had the same with a close friend of mine, she didn’t initially give ‘save the date’ cards to people who knew the date and were clearly coming. I had a slightly awkward ‘so do we need to save the date?’ conversation which she found hilarious and an actual invitation was forthcoming with all the detailed logistic info we needed later on.

sonjadog · 08/06/2018 19:34

I agree. Sounds like a weak excuse. Unless you are very close family, how would you "just know" that you were coming? Even if she didn't have enough cards, she'd at least send an email to the other invitees...

ChocolateWombat · 08/06/2018 19:35

Op, are we talking bout 'save the date' cards or full scale invitations, with location, time, details etc?

RubySapphireEmerald · 08/06/2018 19:37

Are you sure that she oor someone else isn’t on here and hasn’t seen this thread? Or read on your screen what you’ve been writing? Seems like far too much of a coincidence that she would mention it on the day you have asked on here and were planning to ask her about it.

Sorry but I don’t believe she had any intentions of ever inviting you to the wedding and this is the attempt to make her look less of an arse by giving the lame excuse that she didn’t buy enough invites because people who knew they were going should just have known.

People know how many people they’re going to invite. Short of e.g. the bride’s parents and bridesmaids you know that you have to invite people or they will make assumptions.

I don’t believe her.

ChocolateWombat · 08/06/2018 19:37

And Op, you know all about this wedding...is it pretty formal, with Church, a sit down meal, evening food and entertainment? Or is it all much more low key and the kind of thing you could vary the number of guests to.

Or is it still far off and the details aren't pinned down and all that's known yet is the date?

diddl · 08/06/2018 19:38

How odd-even if it's obvious that you're invited, you still need to know when it is.

ChocolateWombat · 08/06/2018 19:40

Tim wondering if these were simply 'save the date' cards - Op never seemed to refer to full scale invitations but simply a little card.

Full scale invitations often have directions in them, gift lists, running order of the day........as a guest, you can't manage without that info. Hosts wouldn't and couldn't expect you to.

They could expect you to manage without a save the date card though if you are close family etc and know the date clearly.

bearbehind · 08/06/2018 19:40

Mmmmm, 100 invitations would be the best part of 200 people.

The people who 'would just know' would be parents, siblings etc.

I suspect she's seen / been told about this thread.

Ohsuchaperfectday · 08/06/2018 19:44

Happy ending but how bizarre! Why jot drop quick email pe something.. To say what she is doing

Sexandthecityminusthesex · 08/06/2018 19:44

In all fairness OP something similar happened to me with my old school friend, I was with her every step of the way and never recieved an invite! I assumed I wasnt invited and stepped away from planning, only to find two months before the wedding, a random text to confirm my attendance! Her reply; It was fairly obvious you were invited! - Sometimes a girl just needs a shiny card shrugs Wine

Rachel0Greep · 08/06/2018 19:46

Strange on her part to not have made that clear before this, IMO. Anyway, all is well that ends well.

tootstastic · 08/06/2018 19:47

I agree with pp that I don't think she intended to invite you, sorry op. I would back right off and stop the lifts immediately with a convincing long-term excuse. Then see how she behaves towards you in the run up to the wedding when she no longer benefits from your transport.

WindDoesNotBreakTheBendyTree · 08/06/2018 19:48

er yeah were those "save the date?" - because invitations usually only go out 6 weeks in advance, and September is more like 12-16.

I'm so glad its sorted - ignore the sceptics on the thread its just soap opera territory for them

SakuraBlossom · 08/06/2018 20:07

To have, ignore the others on here. Sounds like she likes you and assumed you knew you were going. Saying she has seen this on MN is very far fetched.

Don't give it any more thought. Enjoy the wedding.

Floeer · 08/06/2018 20:10

What a relief OP Flowers

Tbf, I wouldn't have bothered with invites with close friends and family. Blimey, the things can be pricey for a bit of paper!

TenuedeNimes · 08/06/2018 20:15

Thank heavens OP, so glad that’s sorted!

Certainly explains why everyone was mystified about you not being invited. Your friend has probably gone home thinking gosh, does the OP really think I would let her drive me home regularly and talk about my wedding and then completely avoid inviting her Grin

C0untDucku1a · 08/06/2018 20:16

Aww op thats so nice! You didnt get an invite because she doesnt think youd ever miss her wedding and didnt need asking! Thats actually quite lovely. A bit of a nightmare granted. But lovelyZ

bearbehind · 08/06/2018 20:17

sakura I don't agree.

This is clearly a work colleague with no hugely special relationship.

If there are 3 in the group and 2 were given invitations then it's safe to assume the 3rd wasn't initially invited.

If the bride was short of physical cards then she'd not have sent them to close family.

Unless this is an enormous wedding, 100 invitation cards is more than enough for friends.

Something has happened to make the bride now extend the invitation.

maisydaisy20 · 08/06/2018 20:18

definitely agree with littlemisscomper - get one of your colleagues who has been invited to check with her. Maybe she thinks she already gave you your invitation.

bobstersmum · 08/06/2018 20:21

Bless you both pair of silly buggers! Happy for you op!

Singlenotsingle · 08/06/2018 20:26

All's well that ends well. Very pleased for you!

BettyBooJustDoinTheDoo · 08/06/2018 20:27

She’s seen this thread.

Motoko · 08/06/2018 20:34

So, it's as I said, she just assumed you'd know you were invited.

I'm trying to remember if I sent my best friend an actual invitation, I don't think I did, because she helped me get started on organising it, so it seemed obvious that she was invited. After all, why would I not invite my best friend?

I'm glad you asked, and I don't think she's heard about this thread and making excuses about not giving you an invitation.

So many people on here, if this had happened to them, would have spoilt a friendship for no reason, by not asking and assuming the worst, so I'm glad you asked her.

Notjustamam · 08/06/2018 20:40

I have to jump to the defence of the bride here. We, accidentally, ordered too few invitations so only gave them to older relatives, friends who live away etc.
Close friends and family was all word of mouth and FB.
She probably, genuinely, thought you KNEW you were going as you’re close friends

Motoko · 08/06/2018 20:43

If there are 3 in the group and 2 were given invitations then it's safe to assume the 3rd wasn't initially invited.

Bollocks! It wasn't "safe to assume" OP wasn't invited. I suggested a possible scenario earlier in the thread, and it was pretty much correct.

Why do you have to assume the worst of someone who you don't know? It's better to give people the benefit of the doubt to start with, until and unless they prove otherwise. Being so cynical about everybody isn't a very nice trait.