Why some women think it's not there job!!

[Damnivy]

Ok so this doesn't apply to those women who can't/shouldn't be doing these things. And I'm not saying this is about all women. (I also know a man like this).

I'm so bored of listening and watching women who can't do things for them selves.
Like.. washing windows (outside), Mowing the lawn, getting in the loft, putting flat packs together, putting diesel in their car. All things iv heard that are apparently a 'man's job'.
Other things like, my SIL never being able to sort her baby out on her own, while out, always dragging DB of to the baby change, if she needs changing, although if it's my DBs turn to change the baby he goes and does it alone.
My sister apparently can't do the food shopping alone as she can't push the trolley and shop at the same time. She also refuses to do any decorating as it's a 'man's job' and even though she has never tried doing it, just knows she wouldn't be able too.
Makes me wonder how some women would ever cope alone.
I'm not saying my DH doesn't do these things, but I would never ask him to cut the grass, fill my car ext.. unless I had a good reason. We split things like most couples, if he is working more hours one week, I do most of the house/childcare stuff, if I'm working more hours then he does it.
I know I sound judgy, and I probably am, I would never say anything about this to them as I don't like to interfere, just really annoyed after watching my sister acting like she cant do anything today!
I wasn't brought up independent, I come from a family who mostly all have these views, many women in my family have never worked, as they belive they should be home with the children. Iv learnt to be independent.
Why are some women like this, and what things have you heard women say they can't do, as they cant/wouldn't be any good at/or class it as 'men's job's'.

This has been mentioned earlier - if you are widowed you have to take on new tasks. My dad thought that cooking was 'women's work' and believed that it was actually below him to learn. Mum tried to show him a few simple recipes but he didn't want to know. When she died he never really got to grips with it - the most basic stuff was beyond him.
I tried to learn new things before my DH died - car maintenance being rather worrying but I manage the basics.

echt

can't push the trolley and shop at the same time - I can't get past this bit! Should these women be allowed out in public at all if they're so utterly incapable? Yes there may be some women like this but hopefully they are few and far between,(and a dying breed). How pathetic. Hope they are not bringing up kids with this mindset.

I’ve just realised I must look like I can’t fill up the car... I’d always make ( or politely request) DH do it when I was driving (we’ve since sold the car) because I reasoned if I’m the one driving, the least he can do is get out and fill it up, while I sit in the warmth 😂 I am able to, and did it when alone though!

I wholeheartedly agree with you Op. I remember my mum got a flat tyre when we were out together when I was about 13. She stood helpless at the side of the road, with no idea what to do. We were in a quiet country road. A man stopped and changed it. He told us he'd never done it before but he'd give it a go. It really annoyed me that mum seemed to think this was a job for a man and was actually putting us at risk by standing looking helpless like that. I promised myself I'd never be like that. Ok I'll confess I can't change a tyre but I do have a plan for if that happens!

I can’t stand the feigned helplessness some (very few ime) women display when they want to get out of doing something they don’t fancy doing.

I used to be in a band with a close friend, two of us were women and three guys, she was a few years older than me. I was very confused the first time I noticed that when it came to loading and unloading the van she’d just stand there saying ‘let’s let the boys do it, I’m too weak’ when there were plenty of items that anyone could have picked up, and the massive heavy items needed two people anyway (of whatever gender)

Needless to say I got stuck in and did my fair share. I was only a teenager and it’d never occurred to me before I might be incapable of or able to shirk heavy lifting just because I’m female.

I also know couples where the woman won’t or can’t drive, their logic being that as their partner does, there’s no need for them to. No sharing long journeys, no giving him a break from being the designated driver, no taking over if he’s sick. More fool the guy for putting up with it tbh, I’d not be with a man like that the other way around.

Im 45 and have never changed a lightbulb....

Needless to say I got stuck in and did my fair share. I was only a teenager and it’d never occurred to me before I might be incapable of or able to shirk heavy lifting just because I’m female

Now that I've done many times no question, although I am not really practical in other ways (see my other post).

I can do anything but I don't. Why would I if someone else is willing to? I'll delegate any domestic chore that I can, either by paying for it or by bribing asking my dh or two sons to do it. If I had no choice I'd do it but be pissed off that I had to

I'm really glad now that my ExH was bone idle - the fact that I had to do practically EVERYTHING for 23 years meant it wasn't too much of a shock when he moved out

He used to do the DIY bits but I've bought myself tools and using YouTube I've managed to do it all myself now, more quickly and without nagging!

I'll never understand women who are totally reliant on their husbands.
I work with a few who work part time hours, don't drive so they rely on lifts from their husbands or kids every day, and listening to them talk it seems like their only purpose in life is to tidy the house and do the washing etc.. Anything outside of that is not possible to them. Trying to arrange a Christmas night out or something is a total nightmare. God forbid they have to get a taxi somewhere!!

Who are these men that marry women like this?! Are they maybe insecure themselves and would feel emasculated by a woman who can drive and fend for herself, financially and physically?? So they like to have someone totally reliant on them?

My sister is like this, she can't even pull her own suitcase when she goes on holiday. Her husband went away for a few days and she couldn't put the rubbish out because she didn't know what bins to put it in 🙄. My Mum and I do most things ourselves and my mum is in her 80's. I don't know why my sister is like this, I think just spoilt by her husband and he has turned her into a princess! personally I like to be more independent.

I do think some men like it.

Do wonder about the non-light bulb changing women, what happens down the line when dh croaks, given men tend to die younger than women. Is the plan then to have to learn to do these things as a grieving pensioner?

We split jobs by our strengths, he does some things I hate doing and vice versa. We swap around now and then but not often. The only one I refuse to do is mowing and because I absolutely loathe doing it, not because I'm a woman. Lol.

Oh and I will always tell DH what I want to eat when we're out and let him order it for me (much to my very much alpha mother's disgust) but this is to do with my anxiety issues nothing else. Haven't explained why we do it like that to anyone but why should I.

My grandparents were ruled very much the old fashioned his and her roles.
I was close to them and picked up on it a little bit when I was younger but grew out of it when DH and I settled into our own routine.

I do every single thing on your list and my husband does almost none. He works long hours and has no interest in home maintenance and DIY and - since he earns 90% of our family income - I'm happy to do it since I'm very self-sufficient.

I think it depends very much on the couple's individual dynamic, though some women do seem to trade on the 'fragile girly girl' persona, which I think keeps new generations repeating the same tired old tropes and holds women back from being respected as equals.

My bug bear is my SIL who constantly tells her boys 'you wait until your father gets home!', thereby demonstrating that she has absolutely no power of her own. 🤔

There are some 'man's jobs' that I don't do, purely because I am too short (under 5ft) so things like getting into the loft, I physically can't even off the top step of the ladder. Ditto changing light bulbs and decorating. I can paint a wall with one of those telescopic roller things but can't hang wall paper.

I can change a tyre and put bins out and drill holes in the wall etc though.

I don't mow the lawn either but that's because I have hayfever and dp doesn't.

Some of it is a pure physical strength /stature issue

I'm much better at flat pack than dp though, he doesn't have the patience for it at all

It’s not exclusive to women trust me, plenty of men are the same. A male colleague of mine openly admits to never doing DIY, leaves it all to his wife.

I will confess that I am also very impractical and shit at DIY so do tend to leave it to DP. He also does the gardening but that is his choice. There’s no major imbalance in our relationship and he definitely isn’t signposted to jobs I deem ‘man’s work’ . I just know my strengths and weaknesses and would hate to fuck something up DP could’ve done in an instant.

Just wanted to say to billywig, if you lived alone you would have to do these things. Step ladders exist for that purpose.

My DW is like this. Can't change a lightbulb. Insisted the other day that I changed the batteries in a kid's toy because otherwise she'd have to spend ages figuring out which screwdriver she'd need. Makes it hard for me to respect her sometimes.

My dh doesn't drive. That's fucking annoying and I'm saving up to send him on an intensive driving course (slowly because money's tight).

I don't usually take the bins out because when we moved to our house I was pg and I couldn't cope with bad smells.... that was a few years ago now, but I'm buggered if I'm going to start doing an unpleasant job that he seems quite happy doing....

DIY - we do together.

Flat pack furniture - he does, but he's a furniture designer so it makes sense (he also does it for all our friends and family too!)

We don't have a lawn to mow (paved garden) but if we did, he would do it: I witnessed a horrific accident with a lawnmower when I was about 8 years old and frankly terrified of them.

I don’t do any window washing, DIY or decorating. Not because I’m of the opinion that it’s “man’s work” but because I’m of the opinion that it’s a professional’s work. I have painted before and made an horrific job of it. And my dad was careful to teach me things like how to put a shelf up etc but I don’t have tools and I’m not tall enough to manage myself so I always get a tradesman in to do things like this. OH is as hopeless as I am and I’m reluctant to waste money on tools that’ll get the dust blown off them max a handful of times a year. Flatpack however... OH is not allowed to do it. It’s my job. He has built a total of 1.5 things in the seven years we’ve been together and broke them both so he now has a lifetime ban.

DH drives me to work and picks me up because I don't drive and we wouldn't be able to afford two cars if I did. I feel that's fair because I am going to work to pay the bills and provide us a good life. If he is at work I obviously get the bus and walk.

He has his jobs that I would do if I was alone but they have just became his. The bins, Diy and decorating also heavy lifting. He likes to do the 'manly jobs'. If I do them he interferes and tries to take over so I just let him do it. It makes him happy.

Just wanted to say to billywig, if you lived alone you would have to do these things. Step ladders exist for that purpose.

If you can't reach a light bulb you can't reach it. I have steps but I cannot reach the lightbulb in the hall, living room or bathroom. If I didn't have three 6ft+ others in the house they would have to wait until someone tall enough came to visit!