Why some women think it's not there job!!

[Damnivy]

Ok so this doesn't apply to those women who can't/shouldn't be doing these things. And I'm not saying this is about all women. (I also know a man like this).

I'm so bored of listening and watching women who can't do things for them selves.
Like.. washing windows (outside), Mowing the lawn, getting in the loft, putting flat packs together, putting diesel in their car. All things iv heard that are apparently a 'man's job'.
Other things like, my SIL never being able to sort her baby out on her own, while out, always dragging DB of to the baby change, if she needs changing, although if it's my DBs turn to change the baby he goes and does it alone.
My sister apparently can't do the food shopping alone as she can't push the trolley and shop at the same time. She also refuses to do any decorating as it's a 'man's job' and even though she has never tried doing it, just knows she wouldn't be able too.
Makes me wonder how some women would ever cope alone.
I'm not saying my DH doesn't do these things, but I would never ask him to cut the grass, fill my car ext.. unless I had a good reason. We split things like most couples, if he is working more hours one week, I do most of the house/childcare stuff, if I'm working more hours then he does it.
I know I sound judgy, and I probably am, I would never say anything about this to them as I don't like to interfere, just really annoyed after watching my sister acting like she cant do anything today!
I wasn't brought up independent, I come from a family who mostly all have these views, many women in my family have never worked, as they belive they should be home with the children. Iv learnt to be independent.
Why are some women like this, and what things have you heard women say they can't do, as they cant/wouldn't be any good at/or class it as 'men's job's'.

I really don't understand how people can drive, but can't put fuel into their car, that is just really weird. What happens if they go on a long journey or there is a long traffic jam ? I've lived on my own and with a partner. I like cutting the grass. I've decorated several properties. I've just painted my fences. I can cook and bake. I collect and chop wood for the wood burner. I do basic car and motorbike maintenance. I'm not keen on doing DIY, but my partner is great ! I believe that we are both pretty self sufficient and independent.

My mum does this with anything DIY what is more frustrating is that I live close by and have lived solo for over 20 years and am perfectly capable of doing most home maintenance like basic plumbing/electrics/shelving and curtains rails etc, yet she will wait for my brother to be available to help her . Because only someone with a penis is capable of these jobs apparently.

Women that insist on doing EVERYTHING to prove a point (a point that hardly needs to be made to be fair) are just digging themselves into an early grave. Good luck to them

Cool - how does the grim reaper differentiate between those that have to do everything and those that are doing it to make a point?

Because I’m fucked quite frankly if that’s actually the case...

We do kind of have DH jobs and my jobs at home. Mainly DH's do involve more lifting heavy objects, changing light bulbs, painting the roof etc because I'm a short arse and it makes more sense for the stronger, taller person to do it.

I don't necessarily think it's women being lazy or stupid though. I think some men like to feel like they have their jobs and roles, and make them look more complicated than they are, so they can use them as an excuse not to do the housework, childrearing etc. My FIL is like this. He makes out really simple things are complicated. I remember once driving somewhere on the motorway and he tried to give me directions and instructions on how to drive on the motorway. Should have seen his face when I told him I'd been driving on the motorway for years!

Of course women can do these jobs themselves most of the time. But if your husband won't help with washing up or cleaning the bathroom make the most of it and make him do the jobs he WILL do.

I will get anyone to help me with a nappy when I can. Everyone knows as soon as babies are mobile they can flip and crawl away with a shitty bum, and tantrum if you hold them down.

I don't think these women you know are pathetic at all. They're a hell of a lot smarter than the women doing everything themselves whilst congratulating themselves on it.

My colleague has pink and blue jobs in his house. You can guess who does what. I'm a single parent so have been learning how to do the blue jobs myself, felt quite victorious when I depressurised the boiler, bled the radiators, cleared the mulch in the garden, put flat pack furniture together and fixed the hoover.

When my husband went to Afghanistan I used to live next door to someone who's husband was also away, and she literally wouldn't do anything for herself. She was constantly knocking on my door or texting for me to do things for her such as cut the grass, pick up this and that from the shop 2 mins away, put her bins out, drive her to appointments, even changed a fuse in her car once. I cut the friendship dead when she text me asking if I would go round and peel potatoes for her. It was the last straw!

I am completely impractical. I think I had something missing in my brain. Honestly! I can't do jigsaws and if something has more than one part, I can't put it back together. I am left-handed and awkward and accident-prone.

I don't know why.

When I was a kid, my mum was very practical and ahead of her time. Did all sorts, including mending fences, fixing a broken septic tank, did all the DIY - you name it. My sister and brother were both very practical.

As a kid (the eldest too!) I wanted to join in. I tried, oh God how I tried! I wanted to help Mum wallpaper and paint. Just couldn't get the hang of it and wrecked so many pieces, we couldn't afford for me to continue

At school, I sat next to a boy in sewing class who was kind enough to put the thread on my sewing machine every time. I could not, no matter how I tried, learn how to do it correctly. One I jammed it so badly, the teacher thought I'd broken the machine. I was very upset.

We did metalwork and woodwork at school and also technical drawing. Hated those classes. Bewildered and confused from start to finish. Family used to have a great laugh trying to identify what the hell I was supposed to have made when I brought it home. I laughed too.

I was the bane of my metalwork teacher's life. He was always taking things off me like chisels and the welding flame thingy as he was so worried I'd hurt myself.

I was great at languages though, so it wasn't all bad.

I don't mind cleaning up pet crap and wee and sick. I did some auxiliary nursing which I enjoyed fine. However, I did have a problem using the hoists. Could never understand how to rig up the stuff and terrified I'd make a mistake and hurt someone. Always, always, got someone to check over my work before I used them.

Anyway, I am hopeless. I looked at a DIY book for women in a shop recently. Supposed to be for complete novices. I couldn't get past the first paragraph as they'd already lost me.

My husband is fantastically practical. He has saved us so much money over the years on tradesmen. Without him, I am going to have to spend a lot on professional help or go without, I suppose. Or try DIY and end up demolishing the house as a result.

"Hopefully your female relations stay married or aren't widowed otherwise they will be in for a shock. Then again if their children aren't as useless as them they will be roped into doing it."

I was Widowed, i'd never decorated, accept for painting and I hadn't done any DIY. My DH was in the building trade and if he couldn't do it, then he would do a skills swap with one of his mates, so we would have professional jobs done for free.

It also saved on buying tools that you don't use often.

I do my own, sanding/painting and flat packs, but I pay someone to do the paper hanging.

I can sew, flower arrange and cake decorate, it it's interesting that we don't condemn Men for not being able to do those things, it's always Women that get it. I'm also a very good Gardener (which anyone can be).

When I was able I get in and out my loft, now I can't. One of my DD's doesn't like to, that doesn't make her useless.

Some Women won't do them because the Man won't/can't do the things that make the home a bit nicer/or present buying. So they insist on him doing the things he will do well.

Some of it is falling into roles, especially when you have a baby/toddler, because it isn't practical to be up ladder/have dangerous equipment on the go and a toddler about.

Skill is one thing, but having the time and space to do the jobs is another. Also height, hand size and muscle distribution, as well as strength makes a different as to how fast you can do something.

I'd rather be around a Women who knows how to delegate, than a martyr, any day.

When my DH was alive we had jobs that fell into interest/expertise/patterns:

He food shopped /cooked/big DIY/ veggie patch/ finances/holidays/ long driving/chainsawing logs/cleaning the gutters.

I cleaned/ washed clothes/ ironed ( except his shirts)/ parents' evenings/doctors/ dentists/taking out the bins/mowing the lawn/ joined in with some DIY/gardened.

There was never any conflict. It fell into place well.

I miss him.

I'm single, so I don't have someone else to do DIY/bins. Bins aren't a problem, but my DIY is crap. I have built a flatpack bookcase, which was okay, but the blinds I put up can't be pulled down (the whole thing comes off and falls down with a clatter) and the painting is visibly messy where the walls meet the ceiling.

I think people should try to learn new skills, but I have concluded that there are times when it's better to accept the limits of your competence and get someone to do it properly.

Why do some people not learn basic grammar?

Whatshallidonowpeople, this is a chat forum, not a writing exercise.

Good Grammar isn't second nature to everyone and they shouldn't have to make a special effort to contribute to threads.

But seeming as you asked, it can be, a bad education, a learning issue, or they don't see the need.

People joke that DH is the 'woman' in our marriage. Which is sexist bullshit of course, on the basis they say this because he prefers to do the cooking and I adore doing the DIY. There is no such things as a man or woman's job. There are certain chores he might not like that I will do and visa versa.

I think people who refuse to try fending for themselves are a bit attention seeking, it is different if you physically can't do things then unfortunately your going to have to find someone to help you out, but god its pathetic to pretend you are helpless when your just lazy or self involved.

for echt

I think I know what you mean OP but IME you get far more men not being able to do things that are considered "women's work", especially when it comes to children. The amount of pathetic men I hear about, particularly on MN and social media, who can't even change a nappy or wash a pan is disturbing.

The only example of a woman not being able to do something I personally know of is when FIL borrowed SIL's car and noticed the tyres were bald. He took it straight to the garage and the bloke there said it's a good job he came as they'd practically been driving on balloons! Despite it being SIL's car, the whole family (including SIL) blames her husband who "should have told her they were bald" if you can't spot a bald tyre on your car you shouldn't be driving, wether you have a penis or a vagina!

I lived on my own for a long time and always made sure I knew about things to do with the car, like inflating tyres and checking oil levels etc, so I was annoyed once when we were at the car wash bit of the supermarket (I was washing the car while DH sat in it shock horror!) and a woman ran over and said "excuse me does your fella know how to inflate tyres" I said "I have no idea but I know how". Some people's (men and women) lack of basic life skills is ridiculous

And YY to holiday driving, what is that about?! When we went to the US for 3 months I drove everywhere as dingbat DH left his driving license in the U.K.! He managed not to feel emasculated I think 🤣

As long as both people in the relationship are happy with the arrangement, I don't see the issue really.

I'm a sahm and do all of the cooking and housework, because that's what works for us. Dh is more than happy to do these things (and has during early pregnancy, having a newborn etc), but generally those are my jobs. On the other hand, dh will do things like decorating (because he enjoys it) DIY and 'heavy' jobs, as he's a lot stronger than I am. If he died or we were no longer together, then I'm sure I would just learn to do these jobs. I suppose we are are very gendered in our roles, but are both happy so it doesn't really concern anyone else. Not everyone's relationship is the same.

I do fill up my car, though.

Blue I agree. This kind of feigned inability to do anything is just irritating. It's exactly the same for men as women; I would have a similarly low level of respect for a man who said he can't vacuum or do laundry to a woman who can't put petrol in her car or change a lightbulb.

I also find technological incapability irritating. Those people who have husband and wife joint email addresses or social media accounts because they don't 'do technology. Can't do online shopping because it's too difficult. These are people in their 40s and 50s btw so easily capable. But they choose not to, like it's some badge of honour to not be able to use a website.

yes I think men do this too.
for example I know a 65 year old man, who lived with his mother until she died a few years ago, hasn't used the washing machine since because he doesn't know how to use it.
he puts his stuff in the bath and goes around stinking of old piss.
Pathetic really.

@echt
@Birdsgotaafly Thank you. 3 times in 7 pages some one has mentioned grammar. If only they payed attention they would notice I have already adressed the issue with the first person to connent. Drives me crazy that I know my DD will habe to listen to the same crap one day!

Thanks to all the posters, it's good to hear that this isn't too common. I'm with the majority of you that split things with your partners, and agree that something's are split to people streghns and abilities. I also understand that for many reasons there are things that some people just can't do. And giving DH jobs to do so that you don't end up doing the lions share, makes sense.

I honestly think my sister would struggle alone though, it's not about splitting jobs ext.. with her, it's just how we were raised, she has a very 'I'm just a woman' attitude to things, just like my mum and aunts. (Thinking about it, this may stem from my dad, who has always run around after my mum and all female family members, he hates that i do things for myself, and blames my DH) And I doubt she will ever change that unless she really needs to.

I don't know really

On the one hand I agree with you that feigned incompetence is annoying and if you never try something then you will never master it.

However, I also think there is a general movement now where people in a relationship/family unit are keen to retain all aspects of their independence at almost all costs and judge those that take a different approach. I think some couples take a jack of all trades approach where everyone can do everything, whereas others prefer to adopt specialist roles. If the effort is split equally then I don't really see what's wrong with either approach. The specialist approach will mean that one person in a couple may be less competent (or completely incompetent) at something but as most of these activities aren't rocket science then they should be able to pick it up soon enough if required and if not, there are usually ways and means to continue to outsource jobs you can't or don't want to do.

Makes me wonder how some women would ever cope alone.

And yet there are many women coping alone and bringing up families alone. Amazing.

I know of far more men that won't do housework / childcare than I know women that won't do the jobs you've described.