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AIBU?

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Original poster

To say no to DPs lift request

321 replies

PatrickMelroseFan · 07/06/2018 08:58

DP asked if I’d give him a lift in a couple of weeks time when he is planning on meeting his sister for lunch (she lives abroad).

It’s an hours drive (each way) & in a village location so basically I would be a chauffeur so he can get pissed. But ‘ I could do something for a couple of hours ‘ - like what ?

So I’ve politely declined his request & he’s pissed off

OP posts:
teaandtoast · 07/06/2018 13:37

Be kind OP

Female socialisation at its finest.

liz70 · 07/06/2018 13:40

"Be kind OP"

Aka Be a mug, OP.

TorviBrightspear · 07/06/2018 13:43

I cant see him being unable to get a bus or a taxi. Even in very remote areas theres a skeleton bus service. I'd help him research the public transport options/ taxis.

Not much skeleton bus service where I live. Some of our villages only have a bus to and from twice a WEEK.

My sister lives in a small rural welsh village. There is 1 pub, 1 spar shop and literally nothing else. Assuming we were meeting in the 1 pub my DH would then need to wander the streets until we were free. The village is 30 mins drive from the nearest small town. Even there you'd struggle to find a "nice" lunch. It would be ok if the weather was nice but he'd have to take a picnic and the village car park is far from a nice place to sit. Having grown up there I'd know some nice walks to take but he wouldn't.

I suspect many of you are thinking of much more chocolate boxey villages with lovely cafe's and small boutiques - like you get in posh places. I like hanging in out in those for the afternoon but they aren't all like that! Trust me a day out in my native village is not a joy and not for the faint of heart!

Similar here. And it’s Midlands, so not even quite as rural as some! I mean, from some of the remoter villages, I’d have to drive at least an hour each way just to find somewhere else to eat, or sit, or do anything. So based on OP’s posts, that would be 4 hours driving to spend one hour alone doing whatever (which might not even be that good).

I also agree with FizzyGreenWater

shinycat · 07/06/2018 13:49

"He once drove 1.5hrs to collect me from a work xmas party as I didn't want to stay over and we love each other"

What a load of patronising poo.

The OP is well within her rights to tell her partner to fuck off.

Why she isn't invited to this six monthly tete a tete with his sister just eludes me!

SalemBlackCat · 07/06/2018 13:51

I've just been thinking about this some more. Is there a reason she can't come to your home (or you to hers)? Why not he ask his sister to come visit you guys at your home, have a bbq, spend the night. That way you can all 3 spend time together, reminisce about old times growing up, hear some stories from her, have several wines/Baileys, play music, and you can go to bed early and they can stay up and talk for a bit? So, you all get time together, you and her can get time together, and he and her can get time together. In his own home? No one would have to drive home the next night she can prop the night and he'd get to spend more time with his sister.

shinycat · 07/06/2018 13:51

Agree that 'be kind' is a load of hogwash.

'Be kind' = 'be a mug.'

Maybe the OP's partner should BE KIND and invite her to the bloody lunch with his sister. Hmm

BewareOfDragons · 07/06/2018 13:52

Would your DH do it for you? Sit in his car in the middle of fucking no where for a couple of hours while you had a drinking session with someone he wasn't invited to hang out with?

I doubt it...

SalemBlackCat · 07/06/2018 13:53

I mean no one would have to drive home that night. Not next night.

BlaaBlaaBlaa · 07/06/2018 13:59

My DH would do this for me and I would do it for him....although his sister would definitely invite me along.

Giving lifts to partners is fine as long as it's a two way street. I dropped my DH off for a day out with his mates last weekend...it's a 50 min journey so nearly a 2 hour round trip. It doesn't make me a mug. I had no other plans and it saved him a fortune in taxi's as we live pretty rural too.

He regularly does the same for me and has even come back to pick me up.

Although, I think dropping him off and asking him to make his way way back is fair enough.

I think the real issue here is that you aren't allowed to attend.

shinycat · 07/06/2018 14:00

Would your DH do it for you? Sit in his car in the middle of fucking no where for a couple of hours while you had a drinking session with someone he wasn't invited to hang out with? I doubt it!

This ^

I have hung around for DH when he has been at the hospital for 2-3 hours (as the particular hospital was a 50 mile round trip,) and waited while he was at dentists or job interview, as this is what a loving partner does. And he has done similar for me.

But what the OP's partner is asking is taking the piss. He is seeing his SISTER and she is not invited?! Confused

I was invited to my DH's brother's engagement party (more than 2 decades ago,) when I had been dating DH for 3 months!!! And also I was invited to their twice-monthly Sunday lunch 3 WEEKS after I met DH.

If I had been treated like the OP's partner is treating her, we would not have stayed together long!!! I would not be treated that way. Nor would I treat anyone else like that.

shinycat · 07/06/2018 14:01

I agree that the real issue is why the OP is not invited.

Bluelady · 07/06/2018 14:11

The issue is that some of us are pretty laid back about stuff like this and others aren't. It takes all sorts.

QueenOfMyWorld · 07/06/2018 14:23

Can't be stop at hers and come back the next day?

QueenOfMyWorld · 07/06/2018 14:23

he

Lizzie48 · 07/06/2018 14:29

I do think the OP's DP has been very rude and a CF, expecting her to give him a lift there and then wait there 2 hours until he's ready to go home. He should definitely have invited her to join them IMO.

It's obviously quite proper to have time alone with his sister, but he shouldn't expect the OP to put herself out in that way.

ReanimatedSGB · 07/06/2018 14:29

Another important question is: how often does the DP do the OP a favour that is inconvenient to him? If she's always after lifts from him, or expects him to sit through tedious lunches with her family, or drags him round clothes shops making him sit outside the changing room and have an opinion on thirty seven very slightly different pairs of jeans, then him a) asking and b) not being pleased at a refusal is a bit of a different matter than if he's got into the habit of treating OP like his chauffer.

QueenOfMyWorld · 07/06/2018 14:33

I'd just say go have a good time but I'm not picking you up til the morning

flowery · 07/06/2018 14:37

”The issue is that some of us are pretty laid back about stuff like this and others aren't. It takes all sorts.”

Exactly. I’m completely laidback about whether a lunch involves alcohol or not, doesn’t bother me in the slightest either way.

On the other hand this thread has shown me that some people are apparently so un-laidback about the prospect of missing out on a couple of hours worth of alcohol that they’ll even consider inconveniencing others over it.

msmsms · 07/06/2018 14:41

Strange you're not invited! Unless he is discussing something he'd rather you didn't know about?

Otoh - I would probably do this if the DH was generally great and would tyres typically do something similar for me...

But my DH would just never ask me to do this.

Juells · 07/06/2018 14:42

I'd have no problem with a DP meeting his sister for some alone time, wouldn't want to be there. But I wouldn't drive anyone an hour each way and sit in the car for two or three hours so he could booze. Let him drive himself and not drink. How big a deal is that?

Bluelady · 07/06/2018 14:43

And some are so laid back they wouldn't see it as an inconvenience.

CristalTipps · 07/06/2018 14:56

So suggest that you both have lunch with her, and then you drive home, and he gets a taxi to the nearest train station the next day, and you can collect him at the other end.

The thought of you sitting in a car park with a supermarket sandwich and your kindle while your DP is having a nice lunch with his sister is bizarre. Even if you had a nice pub lunch it's still odd to think that you are there because you weren't welcome to eat with your DP and his sister. Does she intend to make any effort to get to know you?

Oswin · 07/06/2018 14:56

Wow sgb i expected better from you. Because the ops a woman she drags the poor man shopping?! Fucks sake.

Its fucking rude.

CristalTipps · 07/06/2018 14:59

expects him to sit through tedious lunches with her family

You say that like it's equivalent. I suspect the Op has never asked him to drive her for an hour so she can have lunch with her family - while he sits in the car outside for a few hours. Your examples are all within the bounds of normal. That isn't.

flowery · 07/06/2018 14:59

”And some are so laid back they wouldn't see it as an inconvenience.”

Don’t think I’ve ever met anyone that laidback! Or with so little going on in their lives that the situation the OP describes would not represent anything of an inconvenience!

DH is the kindest person I know, but it just wouldn’t even occur to either DH or I that giving the other one a lift in these circumstances would even be something to consider. It’s not a case of weighing up the inconvenience and deciding whether it’s worth it- the thought literally wouldn’t even cross our minds. We are both able to drive, we have a car each, why would it occur to us to start messing about with lifts and making life more complicated for a lunch? Bonkers!