Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To say no to DPs lift request

321 replies

PatrickMelroseFan · 07/06/2018 08:58

DP asked if I’d give him a lift in a couple of weeks time when he is planning on meeting his sister for lunch (she lives abroad).

It’s an hours drive (each way) & in a village location so basically I would be a chauffeur so he can get pissed. But ‘ I could do something for a couple of hours ‘ - like what ?

So I’ve politely declined his request & he’s pissed off

OP posts:
notacooldad · 08/06/2018 19:01

So he can drive has a car but wants you to chauffeur him so he can get drunk Nothing up with that once in a while but I guess it depends on your relationship dynamics. DP has travelled a lot further while ive been on the lash with my mates and picked us up after even though we we can be rather annoying when drunk. I've done the same back. Give and take.
I know you said its in a rural area but I would probably drive to the next town or go to a different pub or cafe if I wasn't joining them and take my iPad or something with me and watch a film.

BrilliantDarling · 08/06/2018 19:06

ilovegin112. "I must remember this thread when in the middle of December and it’s pissing down not to take my dn to a football match in the middle of nowhere and tell him I shouldn’t be taking him"

Seriously.
Are you feeling bitter about giving your dn a lift??
Because that has absolutely fuck all to do with what the Op is talking about ConfusedGin

justlliloleme · 08/06/2018 19:09

Nor course you're being unreasonable. He only gets to see his sister a couple of times a year. They like a catch up over a drink so he won't be able to drive & would like a lift off his significant other. I'm not sure why you would say no. Surely you can occupy yourself for a few hours, go for a walk, read a book. Let's hope you never need picking up from anywhere if you've had a drink. He's hardly asking for a huge sacrifice 🙄

ferrier · 08/06/2018 19:17

All those saying go and do something - that wouldn't be my idea of productive use of my time. If I'm 'doing' something I like to share that with my partner or arrange something else. Otherwise I'll be at home getting things done. I really wouldn't like sitting somewhere twiddling my thumbs. So 2 hours drive plus 2+ hours hanging around just so dp can drink seems an ask too far. Especially as I could have been invited or shock horror dp could not drink.

ferrier · 08/06/2018 19:21

Glad he saw sense!

maxthemartian · 08/06/2018 19:25

This thread is fucking bizarre. Expecting someone to drive you somewhere, hang around for hours while they enjoy a boozy lunch to which you are not invited, andctge drive them home, is the absolute height of cheeky fuckery.

My DH drives and I don't and he is brilliant about ferrying me around. To the point where some would say he's a mug. And I would never ask that of him because I'm not a selfish arse.

Teateaandmoretea · 08/06/2018 19:46

He's hardly asking for a huge sacrifice

So how is not having a drink at lunchtime a huge sacrifice?

notacooldad · 08/06/2018 19:51

somewhere twiddling my thumbs. So 2 hours drive plus 2+ hours hanging around just so dp can drink seems an ask too far
See, it really doesn't bother me hanging round doing nothing. Well I would do nothing as such, I would go for a walk, have some time to myself, find a cinema or art gallery even if it meant driving to the next town. There's always something to do. The crux of The matter woukd DP do the same for me. My DP has done a lot more than this for me so of course I would.

MumsTheWordYouKnow · 08/06/2018 20:02

All sounds very odd. If he wants to meet her fine, but they need to make it easy so they can both get there themselves.

Libbie001 · 08/06/2018 20:07

Why are you with someone who wouldn’t invite you? Neither me or my husband wouldn’t dream of not inviting the other person. Also, he doesn’t need to drink to enjoy himself.

cherish123 · 08/06/2018 20:10

YABU. His sister lives abroad.

Are you not invited to lunch?

FaveNumberIs2 · 08/06/2018 21:23

You can’t do that for him a couple of times a year? Rural or not, there’s bound to be something you could do. Couple of shops? Rural walk? Read a book?

Jeeze, what happened to compromise?

BaronessEllaSaturday · 08/06/2018 21:51

See, it really doesn't bother me hanging round doing nothing. Well I would do nothing as such, I would go for a walk, have some time to myself, find a cinema or art gallery even if it meant driving to the next town

It's a 40 minute drive to my parents nearest town so the op would be spending over 3 hours 40 minutes driving and 20 minutes looking round shops. It's also a very flat farming area. There are literally no walks, nothing to see, no nice scenery, not a tourist area so no nice coffee shops. Sometimes asking for a favour is a big ask due to the area, this sounds like one of them.

Gilly12345 · 08/06/2018 22:24

No I wouldn't be his driver if you were not included, what is it with people that they can't drive themselves and have to drink, it is lunchtime, he is using you.

Sarahrellyboo1987 · 08/06/2018 22:44

YABU - either say you’re going for lunch too or just say I will pick you up at ‘x oclock’ because I’m going to go....and do....so I’ll pick you up when I’m finished.

Teacher22 · 09/06/2018 05:50

Some families do lifts and some don’t and I have observed that in the ones that do there is always an unequal partnership in that some family members make outrageous demands and the others fulfil them without being able to challenge the requests.

My DS has married into a family where lifts to airports, pickups and lifts can be any number of miles and at any time of the night or day. Some relatives will book cheap night flights to suit themselves in the certain knowledge that someone (who will have a demanding job and need to be rested) will picked them up in the early hours and take them home or give them a bed for the night.

Once, she asked if her DH could stay with us as he had to fly from our nearest airport, 25 minutes away and had to check in at five a.m. We said, yes, of course and also mentioned that, because of the proximity, there were many and cheap taxis available to take him there. (i was teaching that day and the OH had a nightmare commute for work.)

A very frosty silence ensued and the request withdrawn. Relations never really recovered.

IMHO, people know very well when they are making unreasonable requests and will usually sulk and make others miserable if these CF demands are not met.

In the case of the OP’s parent with whom she will not want to fall out, perhaps the situation is to make some reasonable caveat. She could say, ‘ In order not to sit in the car for a couple of hours since there is nothing to do in the village and no time to go elsewhere, perhaps I could join you both in the pub?’

Or just lie. Invent an excuse for that day. ‘I have root canal work booked for that time.’

I don’t think lying for one’s own benefit is moral or desirable but if others place you in a poor situation with moral blackmail you are, perhaps, entitled to defend yourself likewise.

Teacher22 · 09/06/2018 05:52

Sorry, pick not picked. No edit button!

Passenger42 · 09/06/2018 10:05

I would suggest he takes his own car, has the day with his sister, crashes on the sofa and gets up an hour earlier in the morning to drive to work the next day.

Kattyy · 09/06/2018 10:24

Yeah YABU, if it was the other way around, you'd be whining "AIBU to expect a lift from DP once a year to see DS". And the rest of the audience would be eagerly nodding along. Stop being a selfish cow and bring the ipad. And to think that it's "so shocking" for siblings who see each other once a year to wanna catch up without interruption? Yeah- guess u all bring dp/dh for a girls nite too, right? The hypocrisy.

retirementrocks · 09/06/2018 15:38

I'd do it but I'd take a friend with me so I could have a nice day out in the country in a nearby village. Consider it a nice thing to do that should be returned in the future....keep it in the favour pot!

Gbtch · 15/06/2018 17:53

Drive him there tell him to get a taxi back

New posts on this thread. Refresh page