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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say no to DPs lift request

321 replies

PatrickMelroseFan · 07/06/2018 08:58

DP asked if I’d give him a lift in a couple of weeks time when he is planning on meeting his sister for lunch (she lives abroad).

It’s an hours drive (each way) & in a village location so basically I would be a chauffeur so he can get pissed. But ‘ I could do something for a couple of hours ‘ - like what ?

So I’ve politely declined his request & he’s pissed off

OP posts:
QuackPorridgeBacon · 08/06/2018 09:52

This thread is a joke lol. What is so weird about meeting up with a sibling alone? Why does everyone say partner have to be there all the time? Regardless of driving etc I just don’t understand why him meeting his sister, alone for a catch up is so rude to some people. Clings ons themselves probably. Try and detach yourself for a little bit. I say this as someone who is with her partner all the time and we are never apart, but if I do go to see family alone it would never be an issue and vice versa.

HollowTalk · 08/06/2018 10:15

It wasn't that he wanted to see his sister on his, but that he wanted a lift there and for the OP to just hang around with nothing to do, while she waited for them to finish so that she could drive him home again.

Teateaandmoretea · 08/06/2018 10:31

Well quite, I wouldn't turn a hair if DH met his sister on his own, but he wouldn't expect me to act as a chauffeur.

QuackPorridgeBacon · 08/06/2018 11:08

Did you not read the thread? Some posters, not all and clearly not you two, were annoyed or confused by the fact he would want to see his sister alone. Those are the ones I was addressing in my comment.

bakingdemon · 08/06/2018 11:18

Could he drive there and you drive back?

Teateaandmoretea · 08/06/2018 11:32

I did read it yes, but obviously differently to you. The vast majority of people were questioning that they would not include the OP when she had driven there but instead leave her sitting in the car. Now that I would find odd, in the extreme. I either go or dh goes alone .....

QuackPorridgeBacon · 08/06/2018 12:06

I don’t think many people said to sit in the car, even her partner didn’t say that.

MrsTerryPratchett · 08/06/2018 13:54

The OP said she would be sitting in the car. I was responding to that.

perfectstorm · 08/06/2018 17:26

I can't imagine asking anyone to do this for me. To drive out to the middle of nowhere, so I can have a meal out, to which they are not invited? Bloody hell. I wouldn't ask my own husband to do that.

If he can drive, and it's the drinking that prevents his doing the drive, then he can either just not drink, or drive up the night before, go out to dinner, stay over, and drive back the next morning.

If he can't drive, then surely he can get public transport to the nearest point and then either she collects him, or he gets a taxi for the rest?

Can't begin to see why he thinks this should be your job.

perfectstorm · 08/06/2018 17:27

Sorry, missed that it's sorted now. Glad to hear it.

BanquoGhostie · 08/06/2018 17:33

YABU

I would do this for my husband if he wants to spend time with his sister. He may have family stuff to talk about - say an aging parent who may need care.

There seems to be a lot of ‘no way’ here. I thought relationships and marriage was about doing things for one another and compromising. My DH went on a 17 mike hike last week with 5 women from the walking club. I took the opportunity to visit my mum in a nursing home nearby. Then drove 90 mins to collect him and then 2.5 Hours drive home.

He’ll do the same if I want to meet up with friends and want a drink and need a lift home.

MrsTerryPratchett · 08/06/2018 17:36

So you weren't sitting in the car bored Banquo? So not like the OP at all. And presumably you didn't want to hike. OP likes food I assume.
Would DH have gone on his hike, if you liked hiking, without you?

CoffeeOrSleep · 08/06/2018 17:44

Oh, it's a pity it's resolved, my suggestion would be to say yes. Then book a table at same resturant for your own lunch. (I mean, he didn't plan for you to sit in the car for approximately 5 hours, most over lunchtime, and not eat yourself, did he?!)

It was a pretty shitty request. Good that he's realised.

Sparklyglitter · 08/06/2018 17:47

Er NO! Happy to drive hubby to station and anywhere within 30 minutes although the will usually make his own way there and I’ll pick up. I would do it if I had some friends who lived locally that I wanted to see but not otherwise! X

SandAndSea · 08/06/2018 17:51

I think I would offer to drive him there. Stay for one cup of something and a nice chat to be sociable. Then, go and do something else, leaving them to it and letting him sort himself out for the rest.

SingingOutOfTune · 08/06/2018 18:15

Can't he stay over at hers? I'd wouldn't do this. And wouldn't ask anyone to do that either. I'd rather pay him a taxi than sit and wait for hours in the car while they are having fun. Time passes very slowly when you are waiting. No way.

WTFiswrongwithpeople · 08/06/2018 18:23

I’m glad he realised he was being selfish! My DH would never ask me to do such a thing as he’d feel guilty about not inviting me along (unless it was an important catch up where it would be completely unreasonable for me to join him). That was my suggestion - that he drive himself and stay overnight. Shame his invitation to you had to come as a result of him reading this thread!

Mummyoflittledragon · 08/06/2018 18:26

😂😂 good outcome all round. Glad your dp realises what a bratty request this was.

Strongmummy · 08/06/2018 18:41

I have no idea why you wouldn’t be invited to join. Unless you’ve been dating for a matter of weeks or months I’d be very offended at that.

Strongmummy · 08/06/2018 18:43

Thank fuck he’s realised he’s being a tit

Branleuse · 08/06/2018 18:50

id do this and i think dp would do it for me too

1forAll74 · 08/06/2018 18:53

I would offer the lift, no matter what. Maybe you could look at a map of the area and see if there was anywhere interesting to visit,, but choose your own time to be away before pick up !!

Anniegetyourgun · 08/06/2018 18:53

To be fair to the DP, some sisters can only be taken with a hefty dose of alcohol. (Not speaking of anyone I know, particularly - I'm nearly always sober when I meet mine!)

Still, all's well that ends well.

Teateaandmoretea · 08/06/2018 18:54

I would offer the lift, no matter what

Confused Only on MN....

Teateaandmoretea · 08/06/2018 18:55

Interestingly enough if it was a reverse there would be hundreds of people accusing alcoholism.....

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