To say no to DPs lift request

[PatrickMelroseFan]

DP asked if I’d give him a lift in a couple of weeks time when he is planning on meeting his sister for lunch (she lives abroad).

It’s an hours drive (each way) & in a village location so basically I would be a chauffeur so he can get pissed. But ‘ I could do something for a couple of hours ‘ - like what ?

So I’ve politely declined his request & he’s pissed off

We do this for each other all the time. I'll take a book and go somewhere for a coffee, he would take his headphones and go for a walk listening to a podcast. Tbh - I'd rather have some me time than watch two people get pissed and not join in!

I'm guessing village location means public transport is limited and if she lives abroad he won't see her too often.

Not unreasonable to refuse, but it would be a nice thing to do.

Surely they can meet and chat without getting drunk?

If he's not seen his sister in a while and it's a not a regular occurrence I don't see the issue. Maybe say you'll drop him off but he has to make his own way home?

That's what we do

Inajsi don't understand the issue people have with him wanting a drink?? Of course he doesn't need to drink but sometimes people want to and there's nothing wrong with that

Is it really a big deal? Surely partners hould help each other out with favours now and again? You sound a bit annoyed he’s going to meet his sister for drinks / lunch.

Unless there is some kind of back story here I’d say as a one off, YABU. If I didn’t have plans I’d do it for my DH.

They should meet somewhere less rural where they both can gethe train/bus??

But don't you do things like that together?

Surely they can meet and chat without getting drunk?

I’m sure they can, but bizarrely enough some people like to have a couple of drinks at the weekend! It doesn’t make them
All raving alcoholics

I know where they’ll meet & it’s very rural so it would literally be sitting in the car like Billy no mates. ha ha ha!
Drive off somewhere else nearby - look on tripadvisor - go to a local pottery, gallery, shops, beach, interesting village, look round a local church, read a book, go for a walk, climb a hill, write a poem - are you really this unresourceful, OP?

Thanks for your replies.

Maybe I’m being a bit mean & there was a part of me that felt a bit at not being invited.

They are meeting where her UK house is & public transport would be a nightmare

No assumption of them being alcoholics. He asked do to drive him, she said no and now he’s huffing. So he needs to either drive himself and NOT drink or get public transport/taxi.

I can see why a brother and sister would like to meet up and have a few hours together to chat, without a non-family member there. Someone from outside the family changes the dynamic.

But I certainly wouldn't drive someone to a village where I had to hang around outside like a chauffeur.

I would say no.

Either you join them for lunch, meet somewhere where you can do something else, or they make their own travel arrangements.

I can't imagine not inviting dh to have lunch with a family member we see rarely. He might say no but the invite would be there and it would be his choice

If they're meeting at her house could he just stop overnight and drive back the next day?

Of course he doesn't need to drink but sometimes people want to and there's nothing wrong with that

Of course there's nothing wrong with wanting a drink but it's a bit odd to need one so much that you leave your DP waiting around for hours in a remote location!

I would offer to drive one way perhaps, he'd have to bus / walk / taxi if the other way.
I wouldn't sit around waiting for him.

How long have you been together? Have you ever met his sister? I'm surprised he hasn't invited you.

My DH and I would do this for each other, surely there is something you can find to do and it's not as if it's every weekend. .

Unless there is a huge back story you are coming over as a little petty.

Then maybe the offer of just a lift there is a good compromise

I wouldn't do it either.

No assumption of them being
alcoholics.

that wasn’t really my point. You just seemed confused that they were having drinks as they didn’t “have to”. I’m just pointing out that, no they don’t have to, but they’re going to do so becauae they want to. Hardly bizarre. I don’t understand your face?

I do plenty of things I don’t have to, but I do so because I find them enjoyable, including having a few drinks with friend now and again.

I'd do it for my husband as I know he'd do it for me. I'd probably go for a nice walk by myself. Make sure I had a few podcasts ready to listen to.

Of course you clearly don't want to help him out. Hopefully he'll turn you down in the future.

Yeah you sound a bit mean really. Can't you take a book or find a little town nearby for a mooch? Unless he's always asking you for lifts like this and not inviting you to stuff then yabu

What does he usually do when meeting up with his sister?

I'm a non-driver, so can't say whether I would or wouldn't act as chauffer for a friend or partner, but if she lives at the end of the world there must have been some way for him to get there and back before this particular trip - or do you always drive him there and it's just this time that you have had enough.

I'd decline this too. It's unreasonable to expect you to sit around and wait for him.

He either drives himself or pays for a taxi - you know, someone who makes a living out of driving people around.

YANBU let him sulk

I’m not unresourceful at all but I do all those things on my own already when he is working.

I see no problem in him meeting his sister & drinking. He misses her & they seem to like long lunches with a couple of bottles of wine.