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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To say no to DPs lift request

321 replies

PatrickMelroseFan · 07/06/2018 08:58

DP asked if I’d give him a lift in a couple of weeks time when he is planning on meeting his sister for lunch (she lives abroad).

It’s an hours drive (each way) & in a village location so basically I would be a chauffeur so he can get pissed. But ‘ I could do something for a couple of hours ‘ - like what ?

So I’ve politely declined his request & he’s pissed off

OP posts:

mikeyssister · 07/06/2018 10:36

YABU

pissedonatrain · 07/06/2018 10:37

Do you both have a car?

If so, he can drive himself and either not drink or if he does get pissed, he can arrange a taxi for them back to hers and then drive back in the morning.

HeebieJeebies456 · 07/06/2018 10:38

Why can't his sister travel to meet him halfway?
Or he can meet over the weekend and stay at hers overnight?
He's got options that don't include taking the piss out of you....

ReanimatedSGB · 07/06/2018 10:40

Again, the DP said OP could 'do something for a couple of hours'.
Are there really that many of you so completely lacking in resources that you couldn't find anything to do other than sit in the car sulking?

Is it because (WAAAAH! BAAAAAW! Someone is having an ALCOHOLIC DRINK) that everyone's shitting themselves? Would the response be the same if the DP had wanted a lift to some exhibition or talk or other event that was of no interest to the OP, and had suggested she could amuse herself locally for a couple of hours?

Lizzie48 · 07/06/2018 10:41

Why not take a friend with you as well, then you can do something nice together whilst he meets up with his sister? You'll have the car after all, there must be somewhere worth visiting? Maybe the two of you could have a meal?

It isn't odd that your DP wants time on his own with his sister. DSis and I like to do that, though normally we have our DCs with us so we're not planning to have a few drinks, hence I'm able to drive.

My DH has driven me to a pub to meet up with a friend, though that's only a 10 minute drive away. I wouldn't expect him to give me a lift if it was a long way away.

diddl · 07/06/2018 10:42

Would her house be available to you to sit & read/watch tv/sunbathe in the garden?

Not sure that I would do it either.

There's nothing to stop him taking himself there-but he wants to drink.

Sometimes we can't do everything that we want!

I went back to UK recently & caught up with a friend for lunch-it lasted 6hrs.

MadMags · 07/06/2018 10:49

Is there really nothing you could do for a few hours? She might live in the arsehole of nowhere but you'll have a car!

I'd do it for DH. He'd do it for me.

squishy · 07/06/2018 10:49

I'd do it for my DP, but he wouldn't dream of not including me. If he wanted a 'just us' meal, he'd get himself there, or suggest somewhere more convenient.

sockunicorn · 07/06/2018 10:50

If his sister lives abroad I presume he doesnt see her often. Providing he does favours for you and is a decent guy, I would happily do it. Take a book, wander round the shops, take an ipad, nap....theres lots you could do. Then again I have young DC who I am constantly ferrying to tennis, dance and cheerleading so perhaps Im just used to sitting in the car with a book!

RabbitsAreTasty · 07/06/2018 10:50

Taxis exist.

Apparently your free time is irrelevant. His convenience is worth more. Bollocks to that.

happystory · 07/06/2018 10:53

I'd do it and he'd do the same for me. Tho I can't get my head round him meeting his sister and not being invited.

CandleWithHair · 07/06/2018 10:53

Some good suggestions in here;

Take a friend so you can go for lunch together instead of waiting around
Offer a one way lift. Even if public transport out there is shit it can’t be more than a taxi ride to somewhere that does have public transport?
Ask them to consider a different location for lunch where DSIL can easily get a taxi to/from
Say you’d like to join them

pbjs · 07/06/2018 10:55

No, it's because WAAHH the op's husband doesn't actually need a lift. And WAAAAH doen't value her enough to want her to meet his sister because they haven't been together for 20 years and because WAAAH seems to not value her time at all.

If her husband had decided to go to a museum, invited the Op, but she had no interest it would be an entirely different scenerio. Not relevant at all.

Not being a pushover so your boyfriend get drunk doesn't make you a prohibitionist.

MadMags · 07/06/2018 10:57

OP says she's met the sister on several occasions.

pbjs · 07/06/2018 10:58

I honestly can't even imagine asking my husband to waste an entire day almost so I can get pissed and not dick about with public transport.

MadMags · 07/06/2018 10:58

And this value her time stuff is ridiculous!

She is presumably an adult. It's a lift on one day.

MumofBoysx2 · 07/06/2018 10:58

I think it's a bit harsh! Not sure why you're not invited, but I sometimes take my husband to lunches and collect him, so he can have a drink. It's fine because he does the same for me too :-)

AmazingGrace16 · 07/06/2018 11:01

I think my view on this is skewed as my husband drives me everywhere no matter where I want to go or when really. He waits for me and takes me home again. If I could do the same for him I absolutely would.

I wouldn't hesitate to take him to a nice meal with his sister where the odd glass of wine would be consumed. Why on earth not?!
Dh and I are a partnership. We do stuff for each other to help each other out.
We enjoy different things and accommodate that within our relationship
I really can't see what the problem is with dropping him there and then spending a few hours having some you time, reading a book, watching a film etc.

pbjs · 07/06/2018 11:04

I really can't see what the problem is with dropping him there and then spending a few hours having some you time, reading a book, watching a film etc.

This reminds me of those wedding invites that act like they are doing the parent a favour by "giving them the night off" in not inviting their children.

The OP doesn't want any "me" time in a rural car park. Or wandering in a village in the rain.

BottleOfJameson · 07/06/2018 11:05

She is presumably an adult. It's a lift on one day.

Wasting someones time for an entire day is too much of an inconvenience for the sake of alcoholic drink. He can surely have a perfectly nice catch up without alcohol. Sure a drink would be nice but not possible this time - no big deal surely?

TheFirstMrsOsmond · 07/06/2018 11:08

I would say no to this - but then I am certain my DH would never ask me

MadMags · 07/06/2018 11:08

Not drinking is no big deal.

Dropping someone off to a lunch and then going off to do something for a few hours is also no big deal. Unless you choose to make it one.

Thankfully, in my relationship we actually like to do nice things for each other and don't throw hissy fits about VALUING TIME for one day...

TheFirstMrsOsmond · 07/06/2018 11:09

in the circumstances you describe I mean

Bluesmartiesarebest · 07/06/2018 11:09

YANBU

He asked you, you politely said no. He needs to accept that you don’t want to do it and move on. Tell him to stop sulking!

pbjs · 07/06/2018 11:11

Thankfully, in my relationship we actually like to do nice things for each other and don't throw hissy fits about VALUING TIME for one day...

In my relationship we actually don't ask each other to do things that we know the other won't enjoy for our own benefit. Terrible isn't it. :(

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