Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not have a bedroom

186 replies

MyBedroom · 06/06/2018 23:01

So DH is moving out, it's just me and the three DCs. Two boys, one girl. They're are 6,5,2.

We live in a 2 bed, right now the DD and DS share a room and DS2 sleeps in my bedroom in the travel got. When DH moves out, I'm planning on decorating the whole house and give DD my bedroom, and I will sleep on the sofa. I might buy her a bunk bed so I can sleep in the bottom bunk, if I want to sleep in a bed.

But hoping to move out in 3-4 years, so has anyone here given up their bedroom and sleep on the sofa?

OP posts:
MyBedroom · 07/06/2018 12:06

No I don't have that keyboard, I've got two decent size bedrooms. I think I've made my mind up, I'm gonna buy a bunkbed with a double bed on bottom as another pp suggested and basically share with DD. Or I might watch tv until I fall asleep on the sofa whichever I'm in the mood for Grin

OP posts:
WalkingOnAFlashlightBeam · 07/06/2018 12:15

Jesus Mummy, yes please get your post removed! Thanks for the apology!

WalkingOnAFlashlightBeam · 07/06/2018 12:18

Oh, FGS Walking. There isn't some kind of human right that every child must have their own bedroom.

No. But it’s not great is it to expect three kids of differing ages and genders to all share one room, is it? That’s a bit different to ‘every child having their own room’. And it may sound fun to you but surely it depends on the child and their needs? Not every kid is gonna thrive sharing a bedroom with two others. And the problem is once you realise they’re not doing well it’s a bit late unless you move to a more suitable house.

I see OP, thanks for the response :) I can see how you can have more kids knowing there’s a plan in place but then life happening and things going wrong. It’s a bit different to just having more and more kids with no plan as to how you’re going to house them properly.

Mummyoflittledragon · 07/06/2018 12:28

I have asked for it. Hopefully it will be soon. There are 2 threads running today about the same topic and I unfortunately got them confused. Can anyone else report it as well please?

MyBedroom · 07/06/2018 12:29

But you also have to understand walking, this is just temporary. By the time my eldest is 10, I would hopefully buy the 4 bed house on my own so we all can have a bedroom.

I also think at this age it doesn't matter if they're sharing a room, it's only when they're pre teen/teenagers they start to want their own spaces. I just feel guilty cramping them all in one bedroom, while I have a bedroom for myself.

I've even heard of families where 4 children share a bedroom 🙈

OP posts:
melonscoffer · 07/06/2018 12:32

I've read the thread. I don't see that the hygiene issue has been mentioned.
Visitors will be sitting where you sleep. Kids will sit and possibly eat on your sofa that is your bed.
From either sides point of view it's a bit unsavoury.

WalkingOnAFlashlightBeam · 07/06/2018 12:36

I know it’s temporary, I guess that would be even more of a reason for me to suggest that you be the one to suck it up for the time being so that they can have their space. But I know none of it is ideal! Ultimately I just don’t think three kids to a bedroom is gonna work with different bedtimes, waking in the night, needing space to go get away from everyone, so I’d go for either you in the lounge or you sharing with DD (maybe speak to her and see what she thinks of that, would she love it or want her own space?)

Danniz · 07/06/2018 12:41

The gender thing is irrelevant at this age.
And yes, if OP really intends to share with the DD long term, she should definitely have a proper conversation with the DD. Who may not be so keen.

liz70 · 07/06/2018 12:45

FFS, melon, you do realise that you don't actually sleep on the daytime seating area of a sofa bed, surely? Hmm And that the area you do sleep on is covered with a sheet, and possibly a protector and/or topper too? DH and I have slept on a sofa bed for seven years now. We've even - shock! - had sex on it. Shock Nobody in our family of five has been made remotely ill by our "unsavoury" activity. What utter nonsense. Hmm

Dragoncake · 07/06/2018 13:00

Is one of the bedrooms big enough to put up a temporary partition wall? It's very easy and cheap to do (instructions on YouTube). It means that the kids can go to bed at different times and won't wake each other up in the morning, which might become an issue as they get older.

melonscoffer · 07/06/2018 13:39

liz70
Read her post .
She's planning on sleeping on the sofa.
No sofa bed mentioned in OP.
Oh, don't swear at me.

melonscoffer · 07/06/2018 13:41

All the silly emojis.
I'm puzzled by your lack of understanding that a sofa is not a sofa bed.

melonscoffer · 07/06/2018 13:42

Above is for liz70

kaytee87 · 07/06/2018 13:52

I'd have two sets of bunk beds so there's space for a friend to stay also and it doesn't take up more space than a single anyway. Keep the small room as your own. You can always re think in a couple of years if it's not working out. Have the walls and carpet neutral and let them choose their own bedding and cushions? Maybe even rug next to bed if there's space.

mathanxiety · 08/06/2018 02:24

2) I wanted to decorate the bedrooms all girly and pink, and "boyish" so the DCs could feel comfortable and invite their friends round etc. If I do put them all in one big room, how does it work? 1 bunkbed and a single bed?

Neutral decor with colourful accents. This is actually much cheaper in the end because you don't have to redecorate again with less babyish themes as they get older.

You could do white, yellow, green, or shades of grey or brown. Or wallpaper with animals or a forest scene.

White walls with a dark blue ceiling with stars painted on in glow in the dark paint is attractive and unisex. Or a starry night wallpaper or mural, with the walls deep blue and stars painted on..

You could reserve a bit of wall for a chalkboard patch.

Elspeth12345 · 08/06/2018 02:32

If you feel like switching rooms so that you don't have bad memories of your ex in the one you're currently in then it might make sense just for you to move to the other room and make your current bedroom the kids' room with new decoration etc.

Italiangreyhound · 08/06/2018 02:56

I would not give up my bedroom. I would share with your daughter. A bedroom is about more than a bed. It is a place to store your things, to get away from others.

If you have no bedroom I think it is a bit like saying you don't count.

Italiangreyhound · 08/06/2018 02:57

I mean in your shoes, I would share with my daughter!

LuMarie · 08/06/2018 03:53

Our parents separated when my brother and I were young (5 and 3), money became much tighter as we were two households on one household income. I watched my mother cheerily (likely for our benefit and also just to cope) try to manage on a very tight budget and go without things for herself. We had a lot of love so were happy, we were aware of money being tight but not worried about it.

We did however become protective of both parents and worried for them. I was worried my Dad was lonely without everyone in the house and I was worried that my Mum didn't have things for herself. This worry was amplified by the fact that they were both single parents, I worried for them both being sad.

I would have been really upset to see my Mum sleep on the sofa or in the living room not even having her own bedroom. We already saw her have to not have and lose enough.

My brother and I shared until a year or so before the separation, then had our own rooms (I missed him!), then again for a while when there was some decorating/work going on in his room. I don't remember how long we shared for but I know it was quite a while and I liked it. Pre-puberty it doesn't matter if kids are girls or boys, they're kids together. Plus these kids are going to need each other. My brother was the only one who knew what we went through and we were in it together, that shared experience that shaped who we became as young adults and to this day has kept up close. We both are doing well now and turned out well, but we were both profoundly affected, no doubt. The challenge is to have that effect not be damage.

I'd be much more upset by seeing my Mum not have even her own bedroom or sleeping on the sofa than sharing a bedroom. I liked sharing, we were kids and good for each other. Once a parent seems alone, even if they don't feel alone, a child will worry for them.

My advice, from the child experience point of view, is have your own room (with backup space for the littlest one for sleeping times if needed), to show your kids that you are not suddenly second class, or suffering, or losing things. They also need to see that independence from a relationship is not necessarily a bad thing, that you have your power and are not being diminished or reduced. To me that means having your own room, your adult space, where they know you are coping and life is ok for you. They value you and need to see the world value you too.

danishkids · 08/06/2018 17:33

We have a two bedroom apartment and we moved out of our room into the living room a year ago!

It was the best decision we could have made!

We have 2 boys 4 and 2 and one girl aged 5. The boys got the big room and our girl the little one. It meant that we could move all their toys into the bedroom. They have good space to play. We have the living room.

If one of us get sick we rest in our girls room as she has a single bed :)

sloelostinflower · 08/06/2018 17:36

I don’t personally see not having a bedroom as a huge hardship. It’s not ideal but I wouldn’t have three children to a room to be honest.

Candyflip · 08/06/2018 17:36

They’re really little, I would have them all sharing. Mind you my kids slept in my bed until they were around 5 anyway, we just got a bigger bed. ( bloody well lived in a massive house then as well!) I think it is different when they are teens, but when they are little they like sharing. Mine moved out of my room and carried on sharing for a while (boy and girl) through choice.

sloelostinflower · 08/06/2018 17:36

Realistically, you’re not going to get away from others with four people in a two bed house.

TigerTooth · 08/06/2018 17:38

I think
It sounds perfect - would you keep wardrobe space in DD room?

Honestlyofficer · 08/06/2018 17:41

I would go for a murphy bed. You only need a wall the right width, and the pillows and duvet stay on the bed when you put it up. I got one for my oldest DS when we rejigged his room and it's fabulous. Instant 12 feet of space!

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.