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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is your life easier when your DH is away?

204 replies

revision · 06/06/2018 16:22

Is this normal or not and am I awful for thinking this sometimes / quite a lot? AIBU?

DH is away with work for a few nights this week, as he often is. I just came back from the school run and rather than rushing round tidying the house and making dinner, I'm on MN with a coffee and will just do pasta or something later. Plus less mess and laundry all round and generally a more chilled atmosphere, even though the kids have exams this week.

I do appreciate DH for all he does and I miss him too, but AIBU to feel more relaxed when he's on a trip? Does anyone else feel like this ever?

OP posts:
wizzywig · 07/06/2018 09:19

Is it male widowers are more likely to remarry and female ones arent?

Blaablaablaa · 07/06/2018 09:21

This 'cooking a proper meals' thing is baffling. Why are you all cooking meals you don't want? And why are you doing all the cooking??

namechanged77 · 07/06/2018 10:17

@revision I'm with you OP! Especially the mess. It's like having another kid! The pants/assorted other clothes on the bathroom floor, damp towels on top of each other (and they'll dry how?) Much tidier and chilled when he's not around.

headinhands · 07/06/2018 10:37

Do works away. I wouldn't say it is less chilled when he's here, he's very laid back. But I do make more of an effort with meals when he's here. And I find it easier to get on with stuff when he's away, like sorting cupboards and the like because I'm not stressed about the mess I have to make to sort out even though he wouldn't notice. Odd isn't it.

Another way it's easier is because he's a distraction. We can talk for ages about anything and end up going down all manner of rabbit holes say can churn up a lot of time.

elephantscanring · 07/06/2018 10:40

rather than rushing round tidying the house and making dinner

Does he demand a clean/tidy house? Even though he creates the mess?

I like it when dh is away too. Less mess, I'm more relaxed, can watch what I want on TV (or at least not have to watch football/cricket), have the bed to myself, can have snacky tea with the dc in the lounge...

sockunicorn · 07/06/2018 10:45

I LOVE when DH goes away. I usually do the DC their dinner around 5pm and I cook again and we eat when he gets in from work (gone 8pm). When hes away I cook for the DC, get them in bed and then live on pot noodles, chocolate and soup. I binge watch "housewives of..." and starfish in our bed.

I wish he worked away more Blush

user1487194234 · 07/06/2018 13:22

YANBU if it suits you.Not for me though.Once in a while is ok but we split all housework ,childcare etc equally, so I find it a drag doing it all and I miss his company and of course the sex !

divafever99 · 07/06/2018 13:26

Yes definitely! Less mess and I can eat toast or cereal for tea!

GerdaLovesLili · 07/06/2018 13:27

Beloved Spouse has spent the week at a conference. Utter bliss. I've managed to properly plumb in the bathroom sink, rewire the socket I smashed with the hoover, fix the slipped roof tile, clean out my wardrobe, fix the leak under the loo, and re-surface the bath.

No late suppers, I can starfish in the bed, have all the windows open, and I can cut-out-and sew "all the things" without having to pack up to get the dining table out.

Admittedly I did have to go and see Jurassic World, but it was a small price to pay for such productivity.

(Love you really dear!)

Stinkywink · 07/06/2018 18:24

I was a single parent for nine years, which is hard, but it made me realise I wouldn't bother living with anyone if it didn't make my life easier rather than harder, otherwise what's the point? Isn't a partner meant to enhance your life rather than make it harder? I'd rather be single the rest of my days than be in that situation,

TeaAndBisquits · 07/06/2018 18:29

Yes. It's much easier when he's away! Plus I can eat what ever I want without considering someone else's food dislikes!
Hello goats cheese!!

Delatron · 07/06/2018 18:45

Much easier when he's away. No need to cook full on meals and the subsequent tidying up.
He works long hours anyway so no help
with anything domestic. He snores and wakes me up early too.

I would love him to do more round the house. It's tricky when in general he gets back home at 8.30pm earliest.

He's very proud of himself as he 'cleans the kitchen every Saturday'. I point out that I do that three times every day.

Completely understand you'd miss your husband if they did 50% of everything....

BraayTigger · 07/06/2018 20:54

Mine is away Sun-Fri every week. We have a 3yr old and newborn. Life at home is a lot more relaxed when he is at work. We miss him but my 3yr old is generally better behaved when he is not here for some reason. The house stays tidier and I can cook what I like without planning suppers. He will soon start working away just 3days a week and I think this will be a good balance as will help 3yr old and I adapt better when he’s home yet we will still enjoy the time together alone (with newborn!).

daisychain01 · 07/06/2018 21:00

I do a shitload more posting on MN when DH is away. I can tell when he's away just by looking at my "Threads I'm On", which shoots up to about 30 Threads eeeeeek lazy caaaaaaahhh

Summerlovin24 · 08/06/2018 12:28

I don't get the dinner thing which crops up a lot. Who panders to me wondering what i would like to eat? Answer no-one so why do so many do it for dh?
But quite frankly when he's not there it's one less person making a mess, dropping clothes towels etc. And I have no expectation that he will actually unload the dishwasher so i feel calmer inside.
I am quite jealous of the posters who do miss dh because they pull their weight and of the conversation. I look at the back of a phone. There is something wrong here....

Summerlovin24 · 08/06/2018 12:31

MessyBun247
You just summed it up. If i ended up single i would never ever ever live with a man again
This thread reminds me why I’m so glad to have split with DP and will be moving into my own house once this one sells. I wanted a partner, not an over-grown man child who chooses not to do his fair share. Everything was easier when he went away. And soon he’ll be away permanently grin I can’t wait. Can’t see myself living with a man ever again.

Icklepickle101 · 08/06/2018 12:33

Short term yes, long term no.

DP is in the army and was away January-May and towards the end I struggled to keep shit together. Forgot dentist appointments, the deep cleaning went astray and I was so tired from working and looking after the house and DS (2) I felt like I didn’t have any me time, by the time DS was in bed I wanted to sit on the sofa and do nothing rather than iron.

No he stays at work 2 nights a week and I find the house so much easier to keep on top of. I’m a bit more ocd about cleaning/tidying than him so isn’t always redo his jobs and be a bit grumpy he didn’t do a better job in the first place, when it’s down to me it just gets done the once, properly Wink

lynsey91 · 09/06/2018 08:18

I find it sad that so many posters prefer their partners to be away. Why bother to stay with them?

Thankfully my DH doesn't go away a lot. I miss him when he does. I miss our chats. I miss him making me laugh. I miss being able to cuddle up to him in bed. Idon't like just cooking for myself and I want to eat proper meals not snacks

GerdaLovesLili · 09/06/2018 08:54

I find it sad that so many posters prefer their partners to be away. Why bother to stay with them?

You do know that we're talking about short-term absences don't you? A change being as good as a rest sort of thing?

Like going on holiday, but being very glad indeed to climb back into your own bed at the end of it.

BackByDopeDemand · 09/06/2018 08:58

I find it easier when DH is away, to, even though he does 50/50 school runs, childcare, cooking when he is here and is a good husband and dad.

I think it’s the novelty of making decisions independently rather than in conjunction with someone else. It’s relaxing.

supersop60 · 09/06/2018 09:18

babdoc I'm sorry for your loss. I think you were very lucky to have found someone like that. I'd make a guess that most people don't have what you had.

lynsey91 · 09/06/2018 09:48

You might me talking short term absences but I still think its sad that so many posters like it when their partner is away

SoyDora · 09/06/2018 10:00

everyone needs a bit of alone time, I don’t think that’s an issue. What I think is sad is that there are so many men creating so much extra work for their partners. Leaving dirty pants on the floor, not cleaning up after themselves, not doing any cooking/washing up, leaving wet bath towels everywhere.... blows my mind that so many people put up with being treated like a skivvy.

Sprinklesinmyelbow · 09/06/2018 10:02

Not really, he does most the childcare. He does insist on a “proper” meal everyday (which he cooks 50% of the time) so it is quite nice to just have pasta and pesto sometimes

KarmaStar · 09/06/2018 13:39

No!I miss him too much and the house feels empty.😻