Is your life easier when your DH is away?

[revision]

Is this normal or not and am I awful for thinking this sometimes / quite a lot? AIBU?

DH is away with work for a few nights this week, as he often is. I just came back from the school run and rather than rushing round tidying the house and making dinner, I'm on MN with a coffee and will just do pasta or something later. Plus less mess and laundry all round and generally a more chilled atmosphere, even though the kids have exams this week.

I do appreciate DH for all he does and I miss him too, but AIBU to feel more relaxed when he's on a trip? Does anyone else feel like this ever?

Yep! I used to love it when exH was away, but he was useless. Can't pretend I don't enjoy a couple of days without current partner tho, but I'm always pleased when he comes home too

Our kids are grown now and left by the way (in their 20's...)

Yes, much easier, mostly because I cook less and as a result there's less to wash up. But also, he quite often gets delayed at work, and I have to faff around keeping dinner warm, or letting it go cold and then reheating. I don't have any of this faff when he's away. I cook dinner, we eat dinner. Much easier!

well it's easier I suppose, but I'm not happier!
I'm deep in PhD-writing-up-hell, so when my DP has had a few weekends away lately, I've literally just worked the whole time, without feeling guilty for not spending time with him... He has left me portions of food in the fridge too, bless him :)

I've also gone a bit longer without showering, since there's nobody around to smell me!
Have gone sligthly loopy though - having proper conversations with the cats...

I always have my most sensible conversations with the cats anyway.

I worry about retirement too. He retires early next year and the adjustment to having him around 24/7 will take a bit of coming to terms with.

Much harder. Evening routine is that I do baby's bedtime while he does toddler so it's much harder with just me. Also he does all the cooking so then I have to do that as an extra task too

Yes!

He’s a “do it later” cleaner and I’m a “tidy as you go”. Thing is, his “later” is sometimes tidy his breakfast things away when he comes in from work! 🤔

He’ll get up with DS in the morning... but they make so much noise it’s not as if I can have an extra sleep anyway... and then I come down to the kitchen wrecked.

DS also has fewer bad habits, late bedtimes and accidents without DH around.

He’s going away tomorrow for work and we’ll have s chilled two days 😆

Had years of dh travelling for weeks at a time with work - it was always much more chilled.

Mine is permanently away (single parent) and my life is 100x better.

I know there are millions of single parents out there and sorry if I sound like I'm moaning or ungrateful. I do appreciate what DH does do for us, of course, and my life is undoubtedly better for being with him. It's just the day to day faff that it's good to have a break from.

I love it. My friend loves it too, we were just talking about this yesterday. It's like a holiday even with the children as it's calmer, tidier, less cooking and lots less laundry and my own bathroom. We've always lived this way and know that it's nothing to do with a lack of love or a marriage problem just a nice change!

I’m surprised at all these men who do nothing round the house, create extra mess, extra work in the kitchen and wind their children up! If mine was like that I’d probably rather he wasn’t around too!

Mines tidy so when he’s away I can accumulate a lovely mess and only clean up just before his return- bliss!

Goodness that sounds frightful. Why are they like that? My husband is much tidier than me, never hogs the tv remote, has interesting conversations, is helpful around the house, is that unusual? I work from home and I would love him to work from home too!

God no, I count down the minutes till he’s home from work!
Saying that when he has a random weekday off he drives me potty but I think it’s just that he disrupts my routine as I’m not used to him being here at that time
I couldn’t cope for long periods without him, absolutely not, in fact he’s going to a stag do for 4 nights in a few months and I’ve asked my Mum to come and stay with me maybe I’m just a shit parent

User I have to say it sounds like you can’t stand your husband

Enjoying time without your OH doesn't mean that you don't love him.

I adore my OH, but I also like my space.

Having your Mummy come to stay while your OH is away on a trip - unless you physically cant manage-seems fairly pathetic to me.

No, I’m not just being a sentimental sap when I say I much prefer it when Dh is around. It’s lovely having him here. But then, I’m a sahm to two tiny ones with not one ‘proper’ friend and not one family member within a two hour commute from here. Mainly they are further than that. So DH is basically my only friend! Dcs are lovely but very little, so it’s not like having adult company.

I’m really cinflicted about this. My DH travels for 2-3 nights a week about 40 weeks of the year. When he’s home he cooks, does laundry, does housework and sorts out the kids. It should be easier when he’s home. But it’s NOT

When he’s away the house is tidier, cleaner, calmer. Even though I’m having to do everything. It’s so odd! Maybe it’s a case of ‘too many cooks’ and actually having one adult alone means things run more smoothly.

And I love my quiet evenings. Although I miss him for other reasons, obvs.

speakout I don’t know how much of that was aimed at me but if I never said enjoying time alone meant you don’t love your husband
And I also didn’t call my Mum ‘Mummy’ you’re clearly just trying to be an arse there
I have 4 children under 8 including a newborn so if you think I’m being pathetic for not wanting to struggle parenting solo when I have help on hand that’s fine, but I’m not going to make my life hard to prove some kind of point

And when we are both working from home we drive each other nuts trying to do video calls at the same time in our office. I like having the office to myself!

I love it when my DH works away (and he suspects this!).

I've got my feet up, a mug of tea and am sat on the laptop. He's an absolute star and does his fair share of the housework but I do quite like my own space.

All I need to do is stop DC2 bed invading whilst DH is away and I'd be thrilled!

When the DC were babies he was away 3 weeks out of 4 and it was hard, now they are school age and he does occasional trips then it's much more manageable.

I love it too and yes much tidier!

However, I think that’s because her does pull his weight, I do much more of the day to day chores, his are more sporadic and I can live without him doing them for a few days but bit much more. Whereas the other way around, he would become chaotic much quicker.

His jobs are things like, food shopping, cleaning the bathroom, gardens, cars, cooking a roast, birthday gifts, etc.

Yes, so true!!! My personal highlight is a dry bath mat all week