Is your life easier when your DH is away?

[revision]

Is this normal or not and am I awful for thinking this sometimes / quite a lot? AIBU?

DH is away with work for a few nights this week, as he often is. I just came back from the school run and rather than rushing round tidying the house and making dinner, I'm on MN with a coffee and will just do pasta or something later. Plus less mess and laundry all round and generally a more chilled atmosphere, even though the kids have exams this week.

I do appreciate DH for all he does and I miss him too, but AIBU to feel more relaxed when he's on a trip? Does anyone else feel like this ever?

No it's not easier when DH is away. Why would it be if you have a halfway decent DH? He works but he still helps with housework, often cooks, helps with the garden, walks the dogs with me.

He sometimes goes away just for 1 or 2 nights and I hate it. I miss him like crazy.

I can see why so many marriages struggle when the man retires. Personally I wish my DH could retire now although he is cutting down and only really working 3 maybe 4 days a week

I have counted them. There are 26 husbands who reduce the workload/don't create extra work on this thread. I tried to avoid duplicates. So 15-20%? Not as little as 5 out of 140, but it's not a great percentage for gender equality really, is it, if the rest of them are creating more work than they are putting in AND the 15-20% includes the ones who are roughly 50/50!

For me it's not to do with housework.

More to do with having time without him, the kids to myself, we can go out to KFC for dinner, watch what we like on TV, can have an early night and starfish.

Mine is here one day a week (well, he comes home v late Friday night but works all day Saturday from home - we don't see him til the kid's bedtime), has Sunday with us and then leaves again before 6am Monday). We've done this for nearly 6 years.

I hate it. I'm effectively trapped in the house on an evening during the week, and all parenting responsibilities and decisions fall to me. Getting anything done in the house falls to me. It's really hard. My ideal scenario would be him away two nights a week - a bit of my own space but with far more support than I have now.

Yes. Just easier.

Should I every be widowed I wouldn't bother marrying again. Or even dating to tell you the truth.

Interesting that the first responses to my post were nasty personal attacks.

Hit a raw nerve?

I enjoy the time to myself very much but am astonished at all these men who dont pull their weight or who make for a stressed atmosphere.

Yes!

Miles harder, but I have various health issues that make me tired so coping on my own with DC is hard, and he more than pulls his weight and never criticises if e.g. we're having pasta for dinner when he is here. He's away for all of next week and I'm really not looking forward to it. I also miss having him to snuggle up to.

Yes yes yes

Our home feels much tidier & I know where stuff is as I put it there!

This thread reminds me why I’m so glad to have split with DP and will be moving into my own house once this one sells. I wanted a partner, not an over-grown man child who chooses not to do his fair share. Everything was easier when he went away. And soon he’ll be away permanently I can’t wait. Can’t see myself living with a man ever again.

DEfinitely not here! He does more than half of the housework and usually cooks us a grownup dinner when little ones are in bed. Oh and he gets up with the first child to wake, too. We’re a team, and it’s tricky when just one of us is around.

Definitely not. He does a lot in the morning with the dcs and they're only wee so still need a lot done for them. However, I am much more organised when he's away and generally more tidy.

I don't feel lIke I've ever been able to ask DH to do anything in the morning to get the kids out because he's going to work and I'm not. I make him breakfast and coffee as well and quite often he goes for a run! When he's not there, I feel like there's less to factor in and I'm more organised the night before because there's less to do then as well, so there's a knock on effect. He will sometimes take one if the DC to school if he's got a flight later that day or something, so that is helpful in those days.
In the evenings, he usually works after dinner too, so I feel like I can't relax in my pjs and watch Tv because I feel guilty. This is why I can't ask him to get more involved. He is there, but not available to be hands on, if that makes sense?

I do really enjoy the time to "Just be" if dh is away. He isn't good at relaxing in the house - constantly wandering about looking for things to do, looking for things, doing things, fixing things, recycling everything in sight, the list is endless. If he can get out birdwatching, photographing nature, walking on exmoor he's fine, it's just indoors he gets restless. It does mean that he does the majority of stuff at home though so physically my life is harder without him but mentally it's calmer.

When the boys were small though I definitely "needed" him much more. Total bliss at 6pm when he walked through the door and they didn't say "mummy" for at least an hour! It's neither needy or pathetic to want support and help when you have small children at home.

I work part time from home these days and he is retiring at Christmas so we will find a new normal although hopefully, after almost 40 yrs together, we will manage not to kill each other

DH has left for two days overseas. He woke the household packing at 5.00 am because he didn’t do it last night. 😩

There’s three bathrooms in this house and he used the ensuite next to the bed where I was sleeping and DS had crept into in the night, for maximum disturbance.

Having had dp away at least 4 noghts a week for 10 years it was lovely to get him back Pretty well full time.

Having someone to help with school runs, after school activities and arguing children and homework stresses is such a relief...

gaving said that the odd night of fish fingers and beans for children and pasta slumped in front of sofa for me is a pleasure.

On balance I prefer to have him about

I miss my husband when he is away, but also enjoy him not being here, not because of tidiness etc, but cause we both work from home, him full time, me part time and I feel guilty if I chill when he is working. When he is away I don't! Also he is stricter than me with the kids, so there is less shouting

No way, it's definitely easier when he's home. He generally cooks our dinner and washes up and he's pretty tidy (much tidier than me!). He gets the kids dressed and gives them breakfast. He does the occasional night waking although I do most.

I've never understood the idea that he wouldn't do anything at home just because he's working and I'm not. Ours are still little though so my days are almost as busy as his, I suppose it might be different if I had school hours to myself.

@cricket I wasn't referring to the lighthearted 'oooh i can watch what i want on TV' or saying you didn't miss them when they are away. I was referring to the point someone made about men not pulling their weight with household responsibilities/ childcare and still living like they're single.

I was simply stating that's not representative of all relationships and many of us have husbands who make our lives more pleasant and easier. I work full time and it's 100% harder when DH is away as I have to do all the nursery drop off/pick ups, there's no flexibility to do stuff on an evening or stay late at work , mornings are more stressful as there isn't anyone to tag team with to help get DS ready and I miss the conversation and company.

Incidentally , my ex-h started working away monday -friday about 5 years into our relationship and it absolutely was the beginning of the end for us.

My DH died 26 years ago. He was my soulmate, best friend, lover, and doting father of my kids. I would give everything I own to have him back. And I find the PPs on here sad and incomprehensible. Be careful what you wish for.

^I think it's really interesting that "proper meals" comes up so frequently on this thread.

Is this why women tend to put on weight when they get married? This male demand for a "proper" full-on dinner every night? Without men, we'd all be eating snacks for tea^

Yes, why are all these women cooking food that they don't want, to please the men?

If you cook/prepare the food, you choose what is eaten surely? If other adults in the house want something more, they either sort it out themself or do without? I don't cook meals unless I want to eat them, fuck that.

Not here, I miss him, his company, conversation and also the fact he does bath time and dresses our boys for bed so I can have a brew and a sit down for 30 minutes after work!

I wouldn’t cook anything I didn’t want to eat either. If DH wanted something other than what I was planning to cook, he could make it himself.
He does 50% of the cooking anyway.

Yes - absolutely. I miss him but it's nice. Kids seem calmer when they have me to themselves, I usually eat an adult version of their food at the same time as them (like chicken strips cut up on a salad) instead of having to cook a proper meal later on so I have my evenings free. I can watch what I want on tv with no negotiations and best of all I have my bed all to myself.