Is your life easier when your DH is away?

[revision]

Is this normal or not and am I awful for thinking this sometimes / quite a lot? AIBU?

DH is away with work for a few nights this week, as he often is. I just came back from the school run and rather than rushing round tidying the house and making dinner, I'm on MN with a coffee and will just do pasta or something later. Plus less mess and laundry all round and generally a more chilled atmosphere, even though the kids have exams this week.

I do appreciate DH for all he does and I miss him too, but AIBU to feel more relaxed when he's on a trip? Does anyone else feel like this ever?

Working from home 😩

DH thinks he’s doing me a favour! Ha! I spend my time trying to stop DS going into the study because he knows Daddy’s there and it ends up with US leaving the house instead. So when DS did the “Do you want me to work from home?” thing as if it was a treat 🙄 I said no! He was astonished. He now asks if it is ok if he works from home!

I realised that sometimes when my DH is away, I just get on with things no problem. When he's around, I expect him to do stuff and give me a break & I get mad. Even if he's already busy. It can be down to my own attitude and not actually down to what he does or how much work I have. He works long hours but does help a lot when he's home. Sometimes though its bliss.

I was just pondering whether he would say the same about me being away, but then realised he wouldn't actually have a clue as I've only been away one night that I can recall (in 14 years). Obviously, I have evenings out etc but I've never really been away without him and the DC . Time to organise myself I think.

In some ways, yes. His being away certainly doesn't make much difference to the amount of childcare I have to do when I get home, and there's fewer variables to worry about!

Have to say I enjoy it when my husband is out/at work/out for the evening. Like many posters on here, I enjoy his company, and we have some great times together, but I do love him being away. When he has been away for a couple of days, I love to see him and really look forward to his return. I think it's unnatural to spend all your time together.

@PinkBall

God no, I count down the minutes till he’s home from work!

Saying that when he has a random weekday off he drives me potty but I think it’s just that he disrupts my routine as I’m not used to him being here at that time.

I couldn’t cope for long periods without him, absolutely not, in fact he’s going to a stag do for 4 nights in a few months and I’ve asked my Mum to come and stay with me maybe I’m just a shit parent.

You count down the minutes til he comes from work? That's just weird.

You 'couldn't cope' without him? That sounds awful tbh.

You sound very needy and clingy. Maybe the break for 4 nights for the stag do will do your husband good. Give him some breathing space.

@speakout

Having your Mummy come to stay while your OH is away on a trip - unless you physically cant manage-seems fairly pathetic to me.

My sentiments exactly.

I am not at all surprised to hear that lots of women love it when their husband is away. Many women - mothers especially - do most domestic chores and childcare when the kids are younger, (and when they are teenagers,) and they organise almost everything, (like kids hobby groups and school stuff.) Whilst the husband spends lots of time at work, goes out with his mates every weekend, and pursues the hobbies he had before they got married and had kids.

So it's no surprise that many women are, in the future, perfectly comfortable and happy when their husband is not around. Because they don't actually need him. They still want him and love him, but don't need him.

Many of them are happy when he IS around, but are also happy when he is not around. You can have lots of fun with your husband, but you can do things without him (and watch stuff on tv) that you can't when he is home!

I feel sorry for women who desperately need their husband, and cannot do without him. I would hate to be that needy and insecure.

My DH is the tidy one so I enjoy allowing things to deteriorate into chaos before a mad panic clean before he gets home and resumes tidying up hiding things I need daily

I feel sorry for women who desperately need their husband, and cannot do without him. I would hate to be that needy and insecure

It’s not that I desperately need him , it’s just that life is easier when he’s here. He picks up 50% of the childcare/chores when he gets in from work, so it’s easier than doing it all myself. I thought that’s what the thread was about?
We do plenty of things separately, and both spend equal amounts of time seeing friends/doing hobbies etc. Life is still easier when he’s here!

No! I can't reach stuff on high shelves and often struggle to open the marmalade. And he doesn't watch sport (except for MotoGP, which I love), and he makes me laugh at least 10 times an hour.

Needing an extra pair of hands to get dinner on the table and all the kids in bed doesn’t make me clingy or needy or insecure ffs it means I can’t be in 2 places at once
He can breathe just fine thankyou, I said I couldn’t cope for long periods without him, because he parents, lots of the women saying they cope better when their partner is away is because they don’t parent - I know which I’d prefer

Not really sure why my posts are being picked on more than others tbh, a few others have said the same thing but haven’t been called ‘needy’ or told their husband needs to breathe

Oh and no I quite obviously don’t sit watching the clock counting down until he gets home it’s an expression! It’s a relief when he gets home to help yes, I’d much rather my partner be a relief and a help than such a hinderance and basically another child like many on here seem to have

Yes yes yes! I miss him when he's gone but things seem to flow a lot easier- less pressure over dinner, tidier house and the kids seem much better behaved, I like being able to go to sleep at the same time as the kids or binge watching a box set that he would hate. But the transition back to him being around is always a bit when I have to adjust my laid back routines

I like being able to go to sleep at the same time as the kids or binge watching a box set that he would hate

I do these things when DH is here . He just finds something else to do.

I just feel bad if I go to bed early when I know he's downstairs waiting to watch something together, even though it usually is war/boring documentaries that I fall asleep to on the sofa instead! Love him to bits but absence makes the heart go fonder as they say 😂

My dh is about to be away for 6 weeks. There will be some difficult times (2 teens sitting exams) and I will miss him occasionally but I can't fucking wait!!

Depends ... food, tv, times, booze, all easier. Being alone in bed is less fun.

Yes! My dh isn’t very organised and I hate having to tell a grown man what he should be doing when attempting to help with the school run. It makes me feel less resentful and annoyed when he’s away.

"I am not at all surprised to hear that lots of women love it when their husband is away. Many women - mothers especially - do most domestic chores and childcare when the kids are younger, (and when they are teenagers,) and they organise almost everything, (like kids hobby groups and school stuff.) Whilst the husband spends lots of time at work, goes out with his mates every weekend, and pursues the hobbies he had before they got married and had kids."

If this is the type of relationship you've settled for then no wonder you're happy when your DH goes away. For a large number of us though this in no way representative of our relationships. Both me and DH travel for work and miss each other dreadfully. If there's a way of minimising the length of the trip then we do but that doesn't mean we're pathetic. We just love each others company. I'd rather have it our way then wishing he wasn't around because he doesn't pull his weight and makes my life harder.

No! He does more than his fair share.

He's going abroad to visit his friend next month and I'm fucking dreading it.

God no, I’m pregnant with a toddler and have a DH who pulls his weight and then some. He does alternate nights with the toddler so I get to sleep through, cooks sometimes then either does bath time or clears up the kitchen. Last night when I was randomly feeling ill I came home from work and went to bed, he just dealt with everything. The only pluses to him being away are less washing - which reappears with him anyway unless he’s been offshore where they get their laundry done for them and control of the TV, when frankly I could just watch my iPad anyway.
I wryainly can and do manage without him (and he manages equally well without me) but it’s easier together.

No, being a single parent when he’s away for the week is much harder than being a two parent family. Don’t get me wrong, he pisses me off royally sometimes but no, life is not easier without him, it’s definately harder. We share house duties, one cooks, one puts DS to bed. One washes up, the other puts some laundry on.

Nope, DH aside from being the prime earner he does the majority of the cooking, cleaning and gardening.

When he is away my home workload skyrockets. I don’t know how he does it all, I do feel bad.

PinkBall I'm with you. Having DH here improves things in pretty much every way. If he's been working (some days it's me), he comes in, engages with DD, helps prepare dinner if it isn't ready and puts DD to bed. He deals with DD's night wakings, which massively helps my mental health. He does his share of housework/admin etc. at the weekends. Neither of us is very tidy. It seems that I'm in a minority in having a DH who pulls their weight at home. He has taken DD away for the night a couple of times which is a treat for me - it's blissfully quiet. But looking after DD with him away is harder than having him here.

Kursk, are you me? Although I don’t feel bad....
I do like DH being away as I love my own company, but equally I love him being here as he is just so damn useful.

DH is away this week and I was absolutely dreading it but it's actually been pretty good! It's not that anything is easier per se but I've been so tired this week that it's been nice not having to make any conversation and just zone out when I'm home. Also the extra bed space is pretty good too will still be very glad when he's back!

Oh thank god! I thought there was something wrong with my marriage but it turns out it's normal 😅
Mind you, DH is away all this weekend and it's going to be hard without him. During the week is much easier though!

No, not at all. I have to do everything myself and I miss having someone to download all my daily nonsense onto. I sleep better when he's not here, but that's the only perk really.