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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend admitted she doesn't like my DC. AIBU to stop seeing her?

172 replies

windygallows · 06/06/2018 12:17

Good friend for many years has admitted she doesn't really like my eldest DC (age 12) and that she only invites my DC over because her DC (same age) and my DC are friends.

It was a totally weird conversation where she said to my face in a casual way that she found my DC cold and standoffish and made a few other complaints. My DC isn't 'cold' and is very polite but does find my adult friend a bit demanding so probably is less close with her, if that matters.

This isn't the first time my friend has complained about my DC, in very general non-specific ways - it's not anything she does, it's her general personality. We used to spend so much time together and I feel sad about this, but I really can't imagine doing things together with her given how she feels about my child. I don't think I can forget/gloss over this.

AIBU to stop seeing her? And has anyone had a similar experience?

OP posts:
ShatnersWig · 06/06/2018 12:19

I never quite understand why it is inherent in friendships that people MUST like their friends' children. As long as they aren't actually unpleasant to them.

t1mum3 · 06/06/2018 12:23

Not warming to your Dc is one thing. Openly criticising her personality to you is another. I would definitely cool the friendship.

Shadow666 · 06/06/2018 12:23

Why not take some time out from the friendship and see how you feel? Just be busy for a few weeks before making a decision whether you want to continue the friendship or not.

HollyBollyBooBoo · 06/06/2018 12:23

Why does she need to like them? I'm not sure as I would have said it but she doesn't need to like them to still be friends with you does she?

I can't stand the kids of one of my friends, they are rude, bolshy, into everything and break my daughters stuff when they come over to the point where she was in tears at the end of the last visit. So that's it, family get togethers no longer happen and I just do dinner with my friend.

onalongsabbatical · 06/06/2018 12:23

Do you still want her as a friend? Is it a condition of your friendship for you that she ALSO likes your children? If it is, well, why? Maybe she doesn't like anyone else's kids?

OverTheHedgeHammy · 06/06/2018 12:24

I'd drop her for her stupidity for a start! Who the hell tells someone they don't like their DC??

Your DD seems to have got it right, in drawing away from her. Kudos to her.

ErictheGuineaPig · 06/06/2018 12:25

Why on earth would she tell you that? Yes of course she doesn't have to like your child but why tell you? What are you supposed to do with that information given that it's not about poor behaviour that you could work on? I think I'd be avoiding her too.

jimijack · 06/06/2018 12:26

Hmm, I wouldn't stop seeing her.
I love my friend, been friends for 20+ years and I know that she dislikes children intensely, all children, not just mine.
We meet without kids, which is very valuable to me because with her I am me, not a mum. We don't talk about kids, she doesn't ask, I don't tell her.

Equally, I have another friend who daughter is difficult to like, however NEVER in a million years would I tell her! No mother is going to take at information well, ever.

HellenaHandbasket · 06/06/2018 12:27

Tbh,it isn't so much the dislike as the telling you about it which is so odd. Not sure I'd be feeling all that warm about her.

ArfArfBarf · 06/06/2018 12:28

If she cared about your feelings she would have kept this to herself.

Timeisslipingaway · 06/06/2018 12:28

I wouldn't talk to a "friend" friend that said this about my child. They certainly don't have to like your child but why would she tell you, perhaps she needs a taste of her own medicine.

MyOtherUsernameisaPun · 06/06/2018 12:30

YANBU! Regardless of whether or not she likes your DC it was bloody rude of her to tell you. Unless they had behaved badly and she thought you should know she should absolutely have kept that opinion to herself. I don't blame you for wanting to cool the friendship at all.

MrsHathaway · 06/06/2018 12:30

I probably irrationally dislike a child who is a friend to one of my DC and who is also the child of a friend of mine. I see the mother separately (she's lovely) and don't invite the child round if I can help it.

But I would never ever tell the mother. That would be unnecessarily unkind, and to what possible benefit?!

BerkInBag · 06/06/2018 12:31

I would wonder how she is treating my child when she is in her house tbh. I have an Aunt who really did not like my sister as a child and was quite rude and short with her or would make cruel digs at her.

Hopefully your friend can contain herself and doesn't let her dislike show to your dd. If she does I'd be thinking very hard about maintaining a friendship,

LeopardSuit · 06/06/2018 12:31

I have a good friend of 20+ years. She has 2 DC, 12 and 7. The 12 yo is lovely, the 7 yo is not. The 7 yo is mean to everyone, rude, thinks he is the best at everything. My friend thinks he is an angel. I would never say anything to her though. Not my place.

Original poster
windygallows · 06/06/2018 12:33

Thx for your comments - the thing that's baffled me is not that she dislikes my DC, as that can happen, but that she casually told me to my face, not once but twice. Really no point in telling me at all. I actually feel that it's a bit cruel.

I get the impression that she thinks there are problems with all her DC's friends but that HER DC is perfect. It's weird.

Most of the stuff we do together is as families, with our children. I think I'm going to cool things off for a bit just to see how I feel.

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 06/06/2018 12:33

She is rude, very rude, unless your dc behaviour is such that she needs to speak to you about it, then she needs to keep her mouth shut. For example if it was affecting her or her dcs,. I don't know why people have to say everything that is on their mind, less is more.

Aeroflotgirl · 06/06/2018 12:34

I would be cooling the friendship, she does not sound very nice, from where I am standing.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 06/06/2018 12:36

I'm afraid in the love me love my child camp or at least dont slag her off and expect me to be okay with it.
Are her kids Saints.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 06/06/2018 12:37

I don't think it'd be right to carry on the friendship.

Aeroflotgirl · 06/06/2018 12:45

I am not love me love my child camp, but she was rude about him, which was totally unesessary, and uncalled for, and does that on a regular basis. This would just make me think less of her and be a dealbreaker.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 06/06/2018 12:49

Exactly, you can think what you like about someone else's child, but You can't damn well say what you like and not expect the cold shoulder.

Bramble71 · 06/06/2018 12:50

Oh my, how cruel of your friend to say that to you. I'm shocked so I can only imagine how you must feel, OP.

I would maybe keep my distance for a bit and see how I feel in a couple of months or so. A bit of time and distance might give you some clarity on whether you want to continue your friendship.

HouseworkIsASin10 · 06/06/2018 12:50

Nobody would be slagging my child off and staying friends.
She can GTF.

Ickyockycocky · 06/06/2018 12:51

It’s the fact she told you, that seems wrong. There’s no need and I for one would ditch her.