Friend admitted she doesn't like my DC. AIBU to stop seeing her?

[windygallows]

Good friend for many years has admitted she doesn't really like my eldest DC (age 12) and that she only invites my DC over because her DC (same age) and my DC are friends.

It was a totally weird conversation where she said to my face in a casual way that she found my DC cold and standoffish and made a few other complaints. My DC isn't 'cold' and is very polite but does find my adult friend a bit demanding so probably is less close with her, if that matters.

This isn't the first time my friend has complained about my DC, in very general non-specific ways - it's not anything she does, it's her general personality. We used to spend so much time together and I feel sad about this, but I really can't imagine doing things together with her given how she feels about my child. I don't think I can forget/gloss over this.

AIBU to stop seeing her? And has anyone had a similar experience?

YANBU. It was horrible of her to say that to you. Stop hanging out with her and if she asks why, tell her!

I think it's odd she told you. She was looking for a big bang to release her from your friendship I think.

I have a lovely friend and it's not that I dislike her DC but I hate the way she interrupts our conversation to pander to their every whim when we may not have seen each other for 2 years Her kids are between 7 and 14 as well so the last time we were all together I found it spoiled by her children. It's not that I disliked her children particularly. Just found it odd. My kdis hung back a bit and then when the guests had gone we all discussed everything!

As I see it, you are friends for a reason, maybe many reasons. It would be a shame to ditch the friendship over a couple of thoughtless and insenstive honesties. But I'd let her know that I found it very hurtful. Maybe it would be a good "learning point" for her - make her think twice another time. If she can dish it out but not take it, you will end up with the friendship cooling off pretty rapidly anyway. But she may take your point and be a bit more careful how she talks to people about their children. Give her a chance.

Gawd I’d distance myself

Can’t stand other people’s DC (can’t stand my own a lot of the time). I’m sure other people can’t stand mine either. However, would never criticise another parent’s DC to her/his face unless their behaviour was dangerous or very reprehensible. Always felt we should at minimum tolerate and support other people’s DC. Would not wish to be friends with someone who openly criticised my DC to my face. I would not have any confidence that my DC would be supported.

I would never discriminate.... I dislike all children (apart from my own) but would never tell someone outright that I didn't like their kid and these are the reasons why! That's batshit cruel and I would avoid in future

I wouldn't assume any of my friends have to like my DD, but I definitely wouldn't stay friends with someone who told me that! I guess it depends on your relationship? Maybe if you have an edgy, sarcastic style of friendship it might work? Not for me though :-/

Your child is your heart, for someone to say something like that shows a complete lack of sensitivity, I couldn’t have a person like that in my life. Tbh though I’d rather know if a friend didn’t like my child.

I quite often find that I don't like people, both children and adults. But I don't go and, y'know, drop it into conversation with their nearest and dearest! Does your friend have problems with social filtering and knowing what is an appropriate topic of conversation? If there is some underlying issue such as ASD, maybe you could politely tell her that you found her comment rude, as she may not have realised. But I'm clutching at straws here!

It’s fine not to like some/all children and often children who are obnoxious become wonderful adults. But to tell you is bellendery of the highest order. I can’t imagine her having enough redeeming qualities to overcome this.

I'd be worried for your DC and what your friend might be saying or doing around them. It's fine to not like a kid (loud, annoying, boisterous, demanding i.e. child), but those kind of comments are baseless and inappropriate judgement of character. There is no place for comments or assumptions about a young adult of that age. Maybe DC is shy, or polite, or not attention grabbing, or 12!

If your friend isn't tactful or decent enough to keep her unkind judgements to herself around you, how might she treat your DC? Verbal and non-verbal, kids pick up on that from adults and it can upset them.

I wouldn't let her be alone with DC, even if it's a fun to have the friends meet elsewhere, DC's self esteem stays forever.

Friendship would be ended for me.

And if your DC wants to stay friends with hers, I suggest it's at your place not theirs.

Can't believe she said those things to you! or that other posters said they would have been ok with that. I'd have stood up for my child and told her to piss off, she wouldn't be a friend of mine after that.

I agree with MrsKoala. Her attitude is most odd. Your DD is her DD's friend, not a potential friend for her.

Agree with shoutymomma entirely

Yeah. She's sounds weird. Like you can not like someone's child but actually saying something to their mums face is bizarre. What did you even say back, I hope "fuck you" lol.

A lot of people are quite sensitive to who likes them. I’ve always known who doesn’t like me and Ds2 for example knows exactly which teachers don’t like him.

So if your friend was insensitive enough to have told you this god knows what vibes she is giving off to your child. Even if she thinks she isn’t saying anything.

My youngest DD is quite 'spirited' shall we say and I have come to expect a few comments here and there. My friends are not rude but one close friend has told me she can sometimes be 'tricky' - the difference between this and the OP situation is that I tend to agree with my friends comments about DD but even if you agree it still hurts because they are your child. I have friends who I can take a comment or two from but that's just me. The other point is that if the comments are unjustified e.g. Out of character for DC - I would be checking with DC - maybe you can pass a few home truths back to friend about what DC thinks of them!!

You know it has never occurred to me that people I’m friends with don’t like my child....maybe I’m lucky most of my really good friends don’t have children and so ❤️❤️❤️ Mine..... gosh. But ok I guess that can happen but she was just plain nasty and unkind... not someone I’d want as a friend ....

I dislike a friend’s child. Would never dream of saying anything though, it would only lead to a discussion about her discipline which I don’t want to do as it’s not my business. All I do is limit contact and avoid altogether if I’m already feeling frazzled. To mention it is incredibly unkind, particularly as her dislike appears to be rooted in your DC’s personality rather than unacceptable behaviour. I think I’d be limiting contact with that friend.

There are a few of my DC's friends who I don't really like. When they do something that annoys me I just tell myself that it isn't any of my business what they do or what they are like, they are not my child and not my problem. I'd never comment to anyone on it apart from my DH.

What I find weird (aside from why anyone would ever be so rude) is her saying:

“she only invites my DC over because her DC (same age) and my DC are friends.”

Why else would she invite her over?! Surely your DC would be going over there to see her DC not her! She seems a very self involved/ self centred person with no social skills at all! Either that or she is that self involved the fact that she could end up upsetting someone with what she says doesn’t even cross her mind!
Personally I’d say you’re better off with out people like that in your life!