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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend admitted she doesn't like my DC. AIBU to stop seeing her?

172 replies

windygallows · 06/06/2018 12:17

Good friend for many years has admitted she doesn't really like my eldest DC (age 12) and that she only invites my DC over because her DC (same age) and my DC are friends.

It was a totally weird conversation where she said to my face in a casual way that she found my DC cold and standoffish and made a few other complaints. My DC isn't 'cold' and is very polite but does find my adult friend a bit demanding so probably is less close with her, if that matters.

This isn't the first time my friend has complained about my DC, in very general non-specific ways - it's not anything she does, it's her general personality. We used to spend so much time together and I feel sad about this, but I really can't imagine doing things together with her given how she feels about my child. I don't think I can forget/gloss over this.

AIBU to stop seeing her? And has anyone had a similar experience?

OP posts:
nellieellie · 06/06/2018 15:28

I couldn’t stay friends with someone like this. The only thing that occurred to me is maybe is she on the spectrum and just has no idea it would hurt you? If not then absolutely no excuse. It’s one thing to not like a friend’s child, it’s quite another to tell the friend. Why would she do this? What possible motivation is there? What does she expect you to reply ffs?!

CloudPop · 06/06/2018 15:32

I've got a really close friend who has two sons who are very difficult to like. I tend to see her on her own. Wouldn't dream of mentioning it in any shape or form to her

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 06/06/2018 15:45

Yes, I'm with @HouseworkIsASin10.

HonkyWonkWoman · 06/06/2018 16:00

The only reason for saying this to you was to hurt your feelings.
Plain and simple.
She's not a real friend!
Drop her!

MumofBoysx2 · 06/06/2018 16:00

She doesn't sound much like a friend to me.

Juells · 06/06/2018 16:02

Just noticed the thread title - Friend admitted she doesn't like my DC.

That's not strictly true. She announced it, for no reason at all 😡

Mousefunky · 06/06/2018 16:16

She can think your kids are a pain but keep it to herself. She majorly lacks self awareness to think this is ok. I would cut the friendship.

SandyY2K · 06/06/2018 16:54

I'd cut her off tbh. I don't need those kind of friends. There's saying it as it is and there's being rude and insensitive.

Wearelocal · 06/06/2018 17:29

I'm really surprised by people's comments. I like all my friends' children. I'm not sure how you cannot 'like' children, especially toddlers!!

Belindabauer · 06/06/2018 17:34

Blizzard that she just came out with it.
i don't like rude, untactful people. Often they pass it off sending honest. I wonder how she would feel if you told her the same.

Marmablade · 06/06/2018 22:38

I have friends whose children I don't like. So I see the friend not the child. I don't tell the parent I don't like their child any more than I'd tell a friend I don't like their partner.

You'll always come off the loser in these situations. Of course the parent will choose their child (or DP) over their friend.

I wouldn't bother with her anymore if I was you.

emmyrose2000 · 07/06/2018 00:13

I'd cut off anyone who made such a nasty comment like this. My loyalty to my child/ren comes first.

A few of my friends have children children I don't like. I'd never in a million years say anything to them about it. Whenever possible, I just arrange to see my friends when their children aren't around, and just suck it up and act normally when I do see their kids.

Mamawingingit1234 · 07/06/2018 02:44

Gosh I’d be so hurt if someone said this about my child.

I love my DC but know she can be a sh*t some times (please just let it be terrible twos) but would get so upset if anyone said they don’t like her.

That’s not a friend and I’d be so concerned about how the vibes would affect my DC! Because you know they pick up on these things.

TheDowagerCuntess · 07/06/2018 03:23

I throughly dislike the DC of one of my oldest friends - I hate that I don't like her and would be devastated if my friend ever found out.

She is being cruel, and I would be stepping back from the friendship.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 07/06/2018 03:40

Oh one of those... "I call a spade a spade, me".

Nope.

As has been said by loads of posters, you just don't tell your friends that you don't like their child(ren). Just don't.

I have a friend here whose son I really do not like at all. But I don't tell her, I just limit our exposure to him as much as possible. Luckily he isn't the same age as either of my boys, so he no longer falls into their friendship group as such. I wouldn't ever tell her, it's such a rude thing to do.

So yes, I think in your shoes I would step back from this friendship, not so much because she dislikes your child but because she was rude enough to tell you so!

Labradoodliedoodoo · 07/06/2018 03:52

It’s fine for her to dislike your child but inappropriate to vocalise the dislike. The vocalising is essentially putting people down to make herself feel bettter. So more an issue about her. Is her child not particularly polite or does she think her child is lacking in some qualities your child has?

mathanxiety · 07/06/2018 04:47

I wonder if she is trying to push you away.

UrsulaPandress · 07/06/2018 04:47

I used to actively dislike a friend's DD. She was spiteful and spoilt and was frequently nasty to my dd who is 2 school years younger but only 15 months agewise. We eventually fell out over it as I called her dd out on some particularly cruel behaviour to my dd whilst at my house.

We didn't speak for a couple of years and it was awful as she was one of my closest friends. We did make up but never discussed the reason for the break.

Cherrysherbet · 07/06/2018 06:03

That would be a deal breaker for me. How bloody rude! I don't think I could get past that tbh. I would view her in a very different way, and the friendship would be gone. It would also make me feel on edge, wondering if my dc was annoying her. Many of us have friends that have kids that we are not particularly fond of, but to actually tell the parent....what are you meant to do with that information??? I'd cool it op.

DancingHipposOnAcid · 07/06/2018 10:22

Yuk, she sounds like my best friend from school's Dad who felt it necessary to bark at me "speak up girl, haven't you a tongue in your head?" every time I went round to her house and complained I didn't chat to him enough.

Don't get me wrong, I always said hello and goodbye and thanks with a smile where necessary, but his constant demands for animated conversations were excruciating for a shy teenager. I ended up hating him and avoided going round to my friends house as much as possible.

No wonder your DD is "cool " with her! Why does your friend think your DD is obliged to be her best mate as well? Angry

Shockers · 07/06/2018 17:40

She doesn’t have to like your child.

But as your friend, she should try to, and if she can’t keep her counsel about it, she should back away from the friendship, or see you without any kids around.

zestyflavour · 07/06/2018 17:47

That is your child, how dare that friend talk about them like that without a genuine concern or reason. Don’t cool the friendship, drop it like a hot potatoe. You can’t be friends with someone who doesn’t like your children, your flesh and blood!

LaraLondon1 · 07/06/2018 17:47

I would cool it with her . My dd has some friends that can be annoying but I would never ever say to the parent . Wtf. She is likely to ruin ur relationship not to mention ur dc friendship. I’m sure you’re not going to feel so inclined to facilitate ur dc going to hers after this !

perfectstorm · 07/06/2018 17:50

her response was 'I thought you'd want to know'*

There's something not right with this woman. Who thinks their views are so very key in the lives of others that they want to know that their own kids are disliked? Is she stupid, or just crazy?

Distance yourself. She's not your friend.

Is your child very successful in some way? Academically, or sport, or dance etc? I've known grown women make some heinous comments about kids who excel, sometimes. Though only in the absence of their parents!

KappaKappa · 07/06/2018 17:51

I’d stop seeing her - no question about it.