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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

is it cruel to send the DC for 6 weeks in the Summer hols to the holidays club

966 replies

whatwouldbe · 06/06/2018 05:37

I am unable to get any annual leave over the summer which means DC will have to spend the entire summer school hols (6 weeks) in a holiday club. 8:30 - 17:30.

it wasn't planned like that, I was hoping to get 1 weeks off in between but could not.

Several friends and my mum told me that this is cruel. That the DC need a break and downtime. I have no friends who could have the DC for a few days and no family to help (my mum is ill and cannot physically do it).

DC dad cannot have them either (long backstory).

working from home is not an option in my line of work.

It is not a choice for me. I really wanted to spend a few days with them at home. It's not only shit for them, it's alse shit for me. all friends have nice holidays planned and we cannot even have some chilled days at home. but there is nothing I can do.

please tell me you have done it too and that it is ok. I feel really awful after DM and some friends made these remarks.

OP posts:
victopai · 06/06/2018 08:42

I went to holiday clubs when I was a child and they were one of the highlights of my childhood. I was never bored and we had lots of fun days out/made lots of new friends.

BlueJava · 06/06/2018 08:46

I think they'll be fine. As some have suggested just let them chill over the weekends and fingers crossed for you they end up loving everything they do there. Both of mine loved their holiday clubs and made some good friends.

DontDrinkDontSmoke · 06/06/2018 08:46

How old were you don't drink??

12/13/14/15

Wasn’t allowed a single week off. The factory owner was a friend of hers and his daughter would work there too...but she got weeks off for an actual holiday. Spent the hours packing boxes. I was exhausted.

smithsinarazz · 06/06/2018 08:47

Dump the kids on whoever's been making you feel the shittest.

TeacupDrama · 06/06/2018 08:48

unpaid parental leave can be turned down for business reasons but has to be given within 6 months there is no chance of OP getting unpaid parental leave when she can't get annual leave

Employers have to give you a total of 28 days leave but in law they can dictate when this is some companies just shut for 2 weeks at christmas 10 days used whether you like it or no

it is perfectly legal for a business to say no anuual leave in X period, an accountancy company may stop annual leave in march as end of tax year, a company that runs summer holiday camps will not allow leave in summer, a company that sells animal winter feed doesn't allow leave in the winter, a small dental practice insists receptionist and dental nurse have annual leave at the same time as the dentis, manufacturing company shuts factory for last 2 weeks in JUne every year; company decides not really enough work in February so everyone is off next 8 days all perfectly legal and reasonable business decisions but may not be popular

OP knows it is not what she really wants but it's unavoidable she will be off in October or some other time

DontDrinkDontSmoke · 06/06/2018 08:48

PS we weren’t poor but my mother would not part with a single penny towards entertaining us or childcare.

I had to buy my own school uniform once I started earning.

twosillybulls · 06/06/2018 08:48

Do you have an extra room? I would get an au-pair for the summer. A lot cheaper than clubs and kids can relax home a bit more or go out with au-pair etc.

AlpacaLypse · 06/06/2018 08:48

Have only skim read thread. I haven't spotted ages of the children, but obviously school age. OP does your disabled child have a TA at school? I have a nephew who had a one to one TA at primary who would babysit etc during holidays as a private arrangement. This might be an option to help organise an outing with friends or something to break up the monotony of holiday clubs?

Faultymain5 · 06/06/2018 08:49

Our Extended day Holiday club (8.30-5.30p.m.) is £168 per week for two children. We bring a packed lunch.

I doubt (but haven't done the sums) you can get an au pair/nanny to look after two children, one with specific needs for less than £50 per day.

I'm really trying to understand what is so bad about a Holiday Camp, catering specific for a child's needs.

What is this downtime that everyone speaks of?Confused

StealthPolarBear · 06/06/2018 08:49

Shock awful. So sorry

JaneyEJones · 06/06/2018 08:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Dungeondragon15 · 06/06/2018 08:51

It's not ideal but hardly cruel. Many DCs love holiday clubs and hopefully yours do too. I don't know what it is like in your area but where I live there are clubs that do sports, dance etc. It may not be suitable for your child with SN but perhaps consider something like that for a week for your other child just so that they have variety. As for "downtime" there seemed to be plenty of that in the clubs my children went to (if anything, too much according to them!).

MrsPMT · 06/06/2018 08:51

They'll be fine and it is absolutely not cruel.

I've worked in an after-school club which did holiday cover and the children get to chill quite a lot. We did set activities, eg baking in the morning, junk modelling in the afternoon but if any didn't want to take part they could watch a movie, draw, colouring in, all quite relaxed. Its not like school.

We had some children who would cry when their parents came to collect them and ask to stay longer!

DontDrinkDontSmoke · 06/06/2018 08:52

Don’t be sorry stealth.

I am nc with her these days but did end up with a good work ethic.

My own kids are treated like royalty in comparison Smile

raisedbyguineapigs · 06/06/2018 09:01

As you have no choice, its the people making you feel shitty that need sorting out. The kids do loads of fun activities at holiday club. But what do your mother and your friends think you should do instead? Ask them to offer suggestions or shut up. Tell them what your dilemma is and ask them what the alternative is; Do they want you to quit your job? Will they then pay the shortfall when you don't get benefits for 6 months? Will they look after your children? Will they go and ask their father to have them? No? Well they need to put up or shut up.

sweetboykit · 06/06/2018 09:01

I had cruel parents and this isn't cruel. Cruel is joining in with your bullies laughing at you because of the way you run on sports day. Telling you over and over again that you're not wanted.
Op, you have to work. They have to be supervised. I would have loved a holiday club rather than being at home either being ignored or bullied by my mum.

Littlemissdaredevil · 06/06/2018 09:03

My mum was a SAHM and we did nothing during the summer holidays and until she would let us go out on our bikes and then we would go to the park all day!

You kids will have plenty of time to watch tv, etc after club and at the weekend

DontDrinkDontSmoke · 06/06/2018 09:06

OP my youngest is desperate to go to all the holiday clubs this year! Holiday clubs are great fun, not cruel

Frazzled2207 · 06/06/2018 09:06

It's not ideal but unavoidable, definitely not cruel.

But in your shoes I'd most definitely be looking for a more family friendly employer so that hopefully this scenario won't be repeated over and over again. It's unreasonable of them to only let you have holidays at term time, if that's the case.

CloudPop · 06/06/2018 09:06

Can you book something up for October half term so you all have something to look forward to?

Original poster
whatwouldbe · 06/06/2018 09:07

DC are primary school age and no, DD doesn't have a 1:1 TA as she attends a special school. I don't really look for alternative options anyways as I wouldn't have the time and headspace to deal with it and to arrange it.

As said before, some of the posts are really reassuring. I feels lots better and good to know that I am not the only one with placing children for most of the summer into a club. It's just not done on my social circle. Either Sahms, annual leave, family. I get why it might appear a bit harsh to some of my friends.

OP posts:
Original poster
whatwouldbe · 06/06/2018 09:07

and October haft term is booked off! End at the light of the tunnel Smile

OP posts:
BitchQueen90 · 06/06/2018 09:07

Not cruel at all OP. You have to do what you have to do.

If it wasn't for my helpful friends and family I would be in exactly the same situation this summer. I work for a business on a self employed basis so I don't get any paid annual leave at all. I am taking one week unpaid off this summer but I literally cannot afford to take any more.

Not everyone can afford a nanny!

dildial · 06/06/2018 09:11

Could you pay a childminder to look after them instead? Mine hate those summer camps as they don't get any downtime - it's activity after activity after activity.

Needmoresleep · 06/06/2018 09:12

Dont worry. As long as you have their best interests at heart and plan for some nice weekends based on lounging at home, it will be fine.

We spent summer weekends criss-crossing the country dumping the DC at various GP and camps. We sent poor DS to a three week German camp in Germany, by plane on his own, and without a word of German, when he was 13.

They seem to have ended up more independent, and perhaps less entitled, than some of their peers, and with a good work ethic. (And a smattering of German!) They seem to understand the concept of knucking down and getting on with it.

And then give them your time when you can. Dont buy them stuff to compensate.

Poor you though...will you be able to some thing nice at, say, autumn half term?

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