is it cruel to send the DC for 6 weeks in the Summer hols to the holidays club

[whatwouldbe]

I am unable to get any annual leave over the summer which means DC will have to spend the entire summer school hols (6 weeks) in a holiday club. 8:30 - 17:30.

it wasn't planned like that, I was hoping to get 1 weeks off in between but could not.

Several friends and my mum told me that this is cruel. That the DC need a break and downtime. I have no friends who could have the DC for a few days and no family to help (my mum is ill and cannot physically do it).

DC dad cannot have them either (long backstory).

working from home is not an option in my line of work.

It is not a choice for me. I really wanted to spend a few days with them at home. It's not only shit for them, it's alse shit for me. all friends have nice holidays planned and we cannot even have some chilled days at home. but there is nothing I can do.

please tell me you have done it too and that it is ok. I feel really awful after DM and some friends made these remarks.

The OP sounds too decent and sensible to claim fraudulent sickness - unlike a couple of posters on here.

Hi OP, stop beating yourself up, you are already doing your best.
Your children will be fine, cared for, and in a safe environment.
They'll also be having fun !
The people who are labelling you cruel, should wear your shoes, tell them so.💐

@frami that's a really helpful comment to a mother without options.......

Really nice of you! Hope you're proud of that!

What would happen if your kids couldn't go to camp because of a sickness bug? I'd be tempted for them to "get" such a bug for one week. Better still, if you get paid sick leave, you should get the bug yourself (aka chucking a sickie)

Terrible advice.

OP, I agree with you it's probably not ideal to be in holiday club every day of the holidays, but you do what you have to do. I think lazy / relaxed weekends would help. If they've been busy doing activities all week, they may be happy to chill out at weekends

You need a babysitter who'll come to your house and look after them at home for a week or so in the middle. Would it really be that much more expensive than the childcare club? (how many DCs are there?)

Op you do what you need to do, to put a roof over your DC heads, and food in their stomach. Those friends criticising, can help out if they feel so sorry for them. You are doing the right thing. Yes they need down time that's what evenings and weekends are for.

@honeylulu well said!!

I know CM round here are very hard to find, especially in the hidays.

I'm sure the DCs will enjoy holiday club, and who knows maybe you'll be too ill to go in for a couple of days

Jeez, another person suggesting OP lies to her employers?!

i was a child of the 70s
parents worked and we were left to our own devices 8.30 to 3 at the age of 5, 6 and 8.
my kids always did holiday club. my parents were puzzled. but then they were small kids in the war i suppose.

Frami that’s fucking lovely. Seriously, how about thinking before posting completely unhelpful comments like that? What would you like the OP to do? Should she send her children to you?

And what would your children like all the parents that also have no choice to do?

Sounds like the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree with judgmental comments

They’ll be fine.

My mother used to send me to work in a local factory for 40 hours a week in the school holidays. I’d get £10 back of the £40 I earned. This was the 80s. I judge her, not you.

Don’t worry please.
You are doing your best and sometimes the best you can do isn’t perfect.

If your mum thinks that it’s cruel to leave them for the whole 6 weeks at holiday club, maybe she could come and look afetr them for a week herself? Take a week hols herself?

I fully agree with you that you need to look at the bigger picture. And having the possibility to take time off for appointments or crisis with your child IS something to nurture and be careful about.
Go with it. See whe you will be able to have some time off before or after and maybe go away with the dcs. Plan some stuff at the weekend (including a nice relax day if that’s what is working for you and them).

And please please dont feel guilty about something you have NO CONTROL over.

Honeylulu, the OP may be making assumptions about the affordability of a nanny. Holiday club for two kids may not be cheaper than a nanny. At the very least the OP can weight up the financial cost of the holiday club with alternative child care arrangements such as a nanny, an au pair, etc. They may not be as prohibitively expensive as the OP thinks.

Frami I expect those children are getting plenty of cuddles from their own parents.

Sounds totally shit - for all of you - but no, it's not cruel. Why are your mum and these "friends" passing judgement but not offering to help?

How old were you don't drink??

I agree its not ideal as it would be nicer for you to have some time together, but if you talk to the holiday club organisers and ask them to make some allowance for your dc being in camp all summer and maybe needing a little extra downtime it should be fine. Holiday clubs my dc have been to often have lots of free play and relaxing time when they can watch a film.

They will be fine, in the olden days in the 60s when I was young there was no holiday clubs but I had to go out every day, dawn til dusk as DM didn't want me under her feet, this I think was quite common. I would have loved a holiday club, DS used to go to one and loved it.

There are very few specialist childminders around and a babysitter or au pair etc would be no good for a child with complex sn.
OP you are doing the best you can. Ignore the haters.

Frami What's the point of giving the info about residential holiday clubs?? The children in this case will be going home every evening to their home and their mum who will be giving them plenty of cuddles.

Whatwouldbe I agree with everyone saying that you can do things at weekends. There's nothing to stop you from doing holiday-type things in the evenings evenings as well. BBQs, paddling pools, water fights, tent in the garden, fun food and drink etc. I am sure that there are plenty of children out there who spend the 6 weeks with their family and are desperate to do the types of activities that holiday clubs provide!

If I was in this position I'd look into hiring a French au pair for the summer. The kids would get a chance to relax and home, have friends over etc. and have the opportunity to learn a new language into the bargain.

that made me chuckle. my child has complex SN and only very limited speech and language. A French au pair to learn the language? Really, lol.

and btw I also agree with honeylulu that’s NOT being cruel.

People seem to forget what cruelty really is.
Bar the fact your dcs might really enjoy it, it’s also not cruel for children to sometimes do things that aren’t quite what they would like.
You are not locking them into heir room, putting them down constantly, hitting them.You are ensuring they have a food over their head and that they are well looked after. That’s not being cruel. That’s being a good mother!

It’s not your first choice and you won’t get a break over the summer. For that reason it’s shit. But it’s not cruel. You’re not leaving them home alone.

Are you meant to be sarcastic dontdrink. Work does not go on hold for summer holidays.