is it cruel to send the DC for 6 weeks in the Summer hols to the holidays club

[whatwouldbe]

I am unable to get any annual leave over the summer which means DC will have to spend the entire summer school hols (6 weeks) in a holiday club. 8:30 - 17:30.

it wasn't planned like that, I was hoping to get 1 weeks off in between but could not.

Several friends and my mum told me that this is cruel. That the DC need a break and downtime. I have no friends who could have the DC for a few days and no family to help (my mum is ill and cannot physically do it).

DC dad cannot have them either (long backstory).

working from home is not an option in my line of work.

It is not a choice for me. I really wanted to spend a few days with them at home. It's not only shit for them, it's alse shit for me. all friends have nice holidays planned and we cannot even have some chilled days at home. but there is nothing I can do.

please tell me you have done it too and that it is ok. I feel really awful after DM and some friends made these remarks.

I don't think you putting them in club is cruel. I think that knowing you are a mother, and your kids have 6 weeks off, and being unable to or refusing to give you annual leave for even one week so you can be with them, is cruel.
I think you sound a lovely mum. Our mum left me and my sister at home for whole summers, she gave us a quid each for the shop and we had a lovely time. We were 10 and 13, I don't remember being bored.

Really feel for your situation and people's criticisms.
But, you're doing the right thing to keep them safe during the summer holidays and at least they'll be occupied.
I can only say if it was me, I'd try and make the most of evenings, films, chilled out evenings, favourite food etc. If the long weekend was an option, then that would be good too.
Children are very resilient and they might view is as an adventure. Plus there's not the pressure of school like hitting targets etc. Opportunity to make new friends.
I hope though that a decent friend perhaps offers help rather than criticises you :-)

Another one saying you certainly aren’t cruel in keeping a roof over your children’s head, food on the table and clothes on their backs. That’s what it comes down to. No holiday club = no job = no money.

Right. So I don’t post, at all usually but this one got me. THIS POOR WOMAN HAS NO CHOICE! OP the kids will be fine- my kids want to go to holiday club and love it. I haven’t had chance to read all the comments but you have a legal right to make a flexible working request- this could be as simple as starting early and working through your lunch break to finish earlier- this is the formal route but if you have a good relationship with your boss you could try to ask on an informal basis - they can only say no! Either way what is important that you are working and providing for your family - long term even if they don’t like holiday club they will appreciate that!

I’ve had to send my DS before - I explained to him I really didn’t want to but had no choice but I made sure we did family fun trips etc at weekend- I agree some people including ourselves obviously don’t want to do this but sometimes it’s unavoidable- things are very different now to years ago when we were young - work is more pressured and I feel your pain please don’t feel worse by unhelpful comments- the fact that you feel guilty shows you care and have no choice!! I doubt any mum would choose to work for the school holidays unless they had too!! I work in medical profession and if I took whole 6 weeks off my patients would have a much longer wait for health care- all the people who criticise you are only looking at in from one perspective- you can’t help it so all I can suggest is family fun time at weekends. Hope this helps xx

And now I’m reading the comments there are a lot that are more supportive which I’m
glad to see the first ones got me a little

Wow to some responses on here.
You are absolutely not being cruel.
You sound like a lovely mum, the kids will be fine and I’m sure they will have a much better summer holiday than a lot of kids who will be completely bored.
Please don’t feel guilty you are doing an amazing job

as i said before how about " ok Mum and friends, perhaps it is cruel so I suggest you provide high quality, wrap round care instead"

Just go it for heavens sake don't ask on here the trolls will not be nice. Holiday clubs are great and do let the children enjoy themselves keep them occupied and rested. In the OLD DAYS kids were latch key now holidays clubs have standards and are inspected for quality of service. Don't beat yourself up because you have to use one because of your circumstances book them in and let them have a good time with other kids. Im sure if your kid hate it they will tell you and you'll revise the situation,
I'm speaking as a mother and a grandmother that used summer holiday clubs for own kids and grandchildren.

That's really tough for you and your kids op. I really feel for you. You have to do what you have to do. Don't beat yourself up about it.

your child will have lots of fun at the holiday club and potentially make some lovely friends unlike other children sat in the house all day on the iPad , you are doing the best thing for your child under the circumstances so don't worry about it try and see the positives instead . I remember summer holidays and they got extremely boring on some days ! Somebody else suggested taking the October term off I think this is a lovely idea and maybe you can plan some nice treats

I've been in your position when I was a single parent and working full time. It can feel horrible. You're not being at all cruel. You're doing the best you can in a tricky situation. Plan in some fun weekends - that's what I did with mine. Make them memorable and try to have fun. Definately dont beat yourself up about it. Life is long and there will lots of other opportunities. Good luck.

Would using a childminder for a couple of weeks be possible. Not so concentrated activities and less children to cope with.

You’re doing brilliantly, OP!

Not in the least bit ‘cruel’. They’ll be fine.

Your friends/family need to get a grip (I hate that phrase, and never normally use it).

God forbid your kids should grow up realising their mum worked hard and did what was necessary to keep them fed and clothed.

And they’ll have a great time at the holiday club, I’m sure.

Being cruel would be leaving your dc at home alone to fend for themselves. You are being a responsible parent keeping a roof over your heads and food on the table- needs must. You are doing the best you can and I'm sure it is great so don't let the beraters get you down. If the people digging you out are that concerned, why are they not offering to help you?

Unless you can afford a week of unpaid parental leave? Perhaps those people telling you it’s cruel will all chip in!
If this isn’t possible then you have no choice and it’s a bummer! It’s absolutly true that kids also need downtime and it will be hard for them, but what can you do? The only thing I’d say, is if possible, try and book a variety of provisions so they don’t get bored. If possible maybe splash out on a couple of the weeks/days to get them something really exciting! Where I live there are many clubs football, tennis, chocolate making, drama, dance, multi sport, animation and so on....maybe have a pyjama day one of the weekend days every weekend and you’ll all be very pleased to have the August bank-holiday! Sorry but I think it’s mean for those people to say you are being cruel when they aren’t offering or able to help and you have no choice! Just fit in as much down time as you possibly can! Buy all of you relaxation kits, new pyjamas, relaxing bubble bath, films to relax in Front of? Why not plan your time so you can have a great time even if it’s not really what you wanted? Xx

Could you do any work from home op and arrange with your employers that you could at least get half to one day off per week?
That would mean that you could have some time with the children.
Maybe it could be a Friday afternoon or Monday, that sort of thing so that you could have a long weekend together.
Failing that, could you take any odd days off unpaid? Would they allow this?
It sounds hard for you op but remember with the light evenings, you can still plan fun and relaxing times together.
Also with the holiday clubs - is it the same one all of the time? I fit's childcare based it may be a bit dull. There are loads of sport and activity camps around that are really good value for money and this might be a good mixture. The children would be seeing fresh faces and trying out new activities each week.

It may be a daft question but how is the holiday club different to a nursery for instance? My younger 2 are in nursery for pretty much 47 weeks of the year. They are on holidays with us when we are. How is the holiday club any different? Yes kids are older, they go to school the rest of the year but surely it's not majorly different. Ridiculous to get judged for that! As a kid I used to be sent to all sorts during school holidays, residential camps etc to keep me busy the whole time when my parents were working. As I got older I could stay at home by myself but not initially.

I used to absolutely dread the six weeks school summer holidays. I used to split it between holiday club (which they didn't like), my parents (where it felt a bit like they were a nuisance) and activity days at the leisure centre (which they enjoyed but were loosely supervised by inexperienced teens doing a summer job who really wanted to be elsewhere).

I felt guilty all the time. I used to bank up hours by working long days to take a few hours off or try and work from home, neither of which was ideal.

They are now 17 and 19 and have only positive memories of those weeks. Neither remember being left at holiday club looking like they were about to be subjected to hours of torture.

It's not cruel, it's not perfect but we have to do what we have to do. The weeks will pass and you will move on.

I can’t believe how unreasonable people are being. Of course it is ok to put your kids in holiday club all summer and they will be fine. And yes I have done the same with my children because I also work. They are absolutely fine and you can use weekends for downtime. We all have different ways to parent trust that you are doing a great job and they will learn great things from how hard you work to provide for them.

I've not rtft but 6 weeks with no downtime does sound fairly hard on the kids. Could you hire an au pair/uni student to be with them for a few weeks so they get to chill a bit?

Bloody hell, can’t believe some of the comments on here, you are sending them to a holiday club , not down the pit!

My sons done 4 -5 weeks of holiday club in the past, he’s an only one, so was happy to go as he had someone to play with.

You do what you have to do- some children actually do better with structured days. Sounds like you are doing a great job as a mum, so don’t listen to anyone who says you aren’t!

Of course it’s not cruel! They will have fun, play sports and get to hang out with other kids. It’s not like being at school at all! It’s similar to kids who are in nursery full time, it’s childcare that you need so you can go to work. Hope you can g t a bit of a break together at the week nds.

I've not rtft but 6 weeks with no downtime does sound fairly hard on the kids

Anyone would think the OP was sending them up the chimneys or something. No fucking downtime! When holiday club is seen as hard work then we’re at the end of civilisation as we know it, bloody ridiculous.

holiday club IS 'downtime'.

My kids used to go all summer if they had to, and they really enjoyed it, some of the playworkers were fantastic. They STILL talk fondly about one of them, as he used to make them slides out of plastic sheeting on an outside slope, with washing up liquid dribbled down it...

Hardly the grindstone...