is it cruel to send the DC for 6 weeks in the Summer hols to the holidays club

[whatwouldbe]

I am unable to get any annual leave over the summer which means DC will have to spend the entire summer school hols (6 weeks) in a holiday club. 8:30 - 17:30.

it wasn't planned like that, I was hoping to get 1 weeks off in between but could not.

Several friends and my mum told me that this is cruel. That the DC need a break and downtime. I have no friends who could have the DC for a few days and no family to help (my mum is ill and cannot physically do it).

DC dad cannot have them either (long backstory).

working from home is not an option in my line of work.

It is not a choice for me. I really wanted to spend a few days with them at home. It's not only shit for them, it's alse shit for me. all friends have nice holidays planned and we cannot even have some chilled days at home. but there is nothing I can do.

please tell me you have done it too and that it is ok. I feel really awful after DM and some friends made these remarks.

The only cruel thing here is your DM’s and so-called friends unhelpful, judgy and completely out-of-place comments about your holiday situation. They’ve sent you on a guilt trip that you really don’t need, especially in your situation. Cheeky fuckery if I’ve ever seen one.

From what you say, the kids will be well looked after, they will get their break from school, homeworks etc. and you’ll have a peace of mind while at work. Just chill out with them in the evenings and weekends, it sounds like you’ll all need lots of lazy time.

You’re a great mum, OP!

💪👍🏼💐

It'll be fine. I used to work in an after school/holiday club scheme and the kids had a great time over the holidays and I'm not just saying that, a lot of them really valued having a bunch of friends that weren't necessarily the same kids they hung out with in school, and because there was a big crowd of them they could get a good game of e.g. football, tag etc going. We used to have a water fight or a barbecue on the Friday and we had a whole bunch of trips out. Student helper me has some fantastic memories from the two years I worked for them and I'm guessing it will be the same for the kids.

Honestly, people on here really seem to go overboard about the amount of self flagellation that (working) mothers are supposed to do. Their needs are being taken care of, they're going to be safe and comfortable and the organisers will have tons of stuff to occupy them. It's probably tons better than e.g. my kids who will be with me for the full school holidays (I'm that much maligned Mumsnet staple, the SAHM with school aged kids) and there will probably be a fair bit of vegging out on the sofa watching telly, which the other 50 percent of Mumsnet that isn't judging you for working through will be judging me for

Expect this has all been said before but:

• not cruel!
• they can stay up a bit later in the evening durIng the hols as not doing school work at summer camp, so you could have some lovely lovely long evenings together
• I’m sure they can have down time at summer camp (and you could have a word with the people running it to make sure they do)
• if funds allow could they do a week or two at a different summer camp to ring the changes. You could coordinate with their friends so that they do it at the same time to make it extra exciting
• maybe not poss with your busy time at work but if you are desperate maybe you could take them out of school for a friday shortly before and shortly after the school hols at a time you can take time off and have a long weekend and do something extra special (controversial probably!).

Six weeks passes in a flash and half-term will be with you before you know. I hope it all goes really well.

Needs must. Don’t feel guilty. He will have great fun with all the other children

Of course your children will have a great time at a presumably well run holiday club? They are nothing like 'school' and clearly as you have no choice there is no point stressing over it. Can't believe how rude people are to comment on your arrangements - not all children at home with their parents are having lovely, fun filled days - lots are roaming around bored senseless.

You will no doubt think me 'cruel' - I was a SAHM but my DS still went to holiday clubs - he loved them, had a great time. There is plenty of time at weekends for 'chilling out'.

Wish there was a holiday club where we live, my kids would love it.

I don't think it's ideal, but they will be fine. Make sure the weekends are chilled out and not jam packed with doing stuff and they will get the down time. Holiday clubs are different to school though, not the same pressure. I would check if it's best to send them all weeks to the same one, they might benefit from some variety. Mine went to a week of gym and dance club with a sports holiday company and the pictures on the website had nice indoor and outdoor facilities. In reality, they spent the whole week indoors (when the weather was lovely) so was glad it was only a week. They did both enjoy it though. We have a childminder and that gives them the home from home in the holidays when we both have to work, so maybe worth thinking about as an alternative if you always struggle for the holidays. Don't listen to those saying it's cruel, whatever you do there will always be someone complaining. If you had them at home all summer you can bet someone would be saying it's cruel they can't spend time with other kids and do lots of activities!

Mine go to holiday camp for couple of weeks every year. It can be tiring for them but the long period has the advantage that they will become more familiar with the staff and space and by the last week's will feel a bit more like home. It's hard to be a working parent and it's a shame you can't arrange holidays. But explain the reasons to them and I am sure they will be fine.

Honestly, don't overthink it - you're doing a great job.

DH and I both work full time - my kids are going to be at YMCA for the whole summer (8 weeks!), DS1 can't wait!
I'm taking a week off with both boys at the end of August but that's only so I can get shit sorted for DS2 starting in kindergarten.

They get down time at camp, they will be with friends. I guarantee if you were home with them, they would want to be hanging out with their friends and complaining about being bored

No it is not. But you might want to explain to them why they are going there. I had to do this one summer when DD1 and DS were 7 and 5 respectively. It was a great club but DS really made it clear he went under duress. He has never been one for group activities. I think it helped I had explained why he had to go, even though he was only 5.

OP if needs must they must. It's not cruel it just is what it is. Americans and other nationalities send their kids to summer camps and when we have been on holiday (especially Disney cruise) they seem to put their kids into kidsclub from breakfast through to bed time! It seems strange to us but if that's how you've been raised then it's the norm. Don't beat yourself up, approach your boss again and if you can get some leave then great. Just an idea but could you get a baby sitter to come so he can be at home? I'm sure those approved sitter sites are full of college/unit kids wanting to make a few quid and he'd get to be at home in his own environment having the down time?

My older DD takes a book to her holiday play scheme and has loads of down time there; one day she read about 400 pages of a book! she even has a friend who also brings a book and they chill out reading silently together.
It will be completely fine, they can come home at 5:30 and chill, you can have duvet days on saturdays with them, really don't worry! ignore unhelpful remarks.

Don't beat yourself up - they will have more fun that the hundreds of children who will be neglected at home in front of an Xbox all day!
You have no choice so don't beat yourself up. Perhaps plan some lovely weekend treats and yummy packed lunches. Have movie nights. Just make more of evenings and weekends - they'll have a great summer full of healthy activity. And yes other children will be doing it. Perhaps you could do a few weeks in different clubs though? For variety?

Several friends and my mum told me that this is cruel.
I'm amazed that they feel this is a suitable way to talk to a single mum with a child with special needs. Your choices seem to boil down to the holiday club or quitting your job. Unless they can do either the job or the childcare for six weeks, they need to wind their bloody necks in.

It's a shame for the children and you not to have any downtime together over the hols but it's a perfectly reasonable option given the constraints you have to work within. I'd be tempted to send your friends one of those 'it takes a village' memes and say "according to the proverb, it takes a village to raise a child. So either be in my village or fuck off".

I’m sure that your children will love it. I had to attend summer school all summer for several years from 5 years old as my mother taught at one as we needed the extra income. We made lots of friends and loved it as much as holidays away and time at home. My son had to attend summer camp and schools for most the summer whilst in primary. Even though I get more leave now, he goes to camp if given the choice. It’s hard when you are craving time with them. They are lucky to have a Mum working hard to support them

So hard for mums who work, I wish I lived closer I would offer help, all my children have left home (I'm a nanny now :) ) would always help a friend in need.... well done for being a hard working mum, your children will grow to see how hard you fought to look after them xx Don't EVER feel guilty for providing for them xx

Don't you dare feel bad. You are doing what all good parents do, working hard for a good life for you and your child, this crap happens, and kids are tough little buggers!

My parents were paramedics, on call a lot of the time, and some Summer holidays we had to go all over the bloody place looked after by friends of the family and Play-schemes that lasted all day, But, to set your mind at rest, they are not working the kids to the bone, they are keeping them busy, keeping them entertained, and keeping them safe! If anything, its better than some parents who have to leave their kids alone at home all summer.

You will get your holidays, and they will mean so much more to you than for most, because of how hard you're working.
Next time one of your family or friends say how cruel it is, say "Ohh my god, you're offering to have them then?? Thank you so much!!"

That or tell them to foxtrot oscar.

I would arrange with friends parents to swap an odd day as lots in your situation who might not want to ask either. It's not ideal but can mix it up, craft club for a quiet week, football or tennis club another and quiet family time at weekends, might be able to accrue toil for a day off.

Cruel? They will be cared for, safe, entertained, meet new people... And sleep in their own beds at night and have weekends and long summer evenings with you. You should be proud of caring for them so well.

My son goes to holiday club every holiday. He adores it. He gets to run around playing all day long every day.

Don't feel guilty, they will enjoy the company of other kids.

Mine ( aged 10 &7)will be doing 4 weeks at holiday club this year, last year it was 5 weeks and in previous years they’ve done at least 3 weeks since they both started school. DH works in a field where his leave periods are fixed throughout the year on a rota basis. There are very few periods covering school holidays so unless he is able to get someone else to swap with him, he doesn’t get school holidays off. My leave allocation is considered generous but is nowhere near enough to cover all school holidays so holiday clubs are a necessity to us. We have zero family support, my parents live 100 miles away and are not interested in helping; DH parents are dead.

It has never even entered our minds that others might think sending our kids to holiday club would be deemed cruel, what utter bollocks! Luckily, if any of our friends our family actually hold this view, they’ve e been smart enough to keep it to themselves because I wouldn’t hesitate to tell them what to do with that mindset.

The holiday clubs we use are absolutley fantastic, they do loads of activities such as swimming, forest school, go karts, arts and crafts, team sports as well as taking them on trips to attractions like theme parks, safari parks, bowling, farms, etc. My two have an absolute blast! They do a lot more stuff with them than I’m able and willing to at home! It’s expensive but worth every penny in my view. The only thing I try to do is mix it up so they don’t t go to the same club for several weeks straight so that it doesn’t become too repetitive. Lots of working parents I know do the same.

I was a latch key kid in the 90s and also had to look after my younger siblings from the age of 12 whilst my parents were out at work during the summer hols. I don’t judge my parents, they did what they had to and I’m still here (bar the odd scar!)

Do what you need to OP and ignore the haters. You’re doing great and don’t let anyone else tell you different.

I understand t’s a tough one but you have no choice so no point beating yourself up. To be completely honest I do think it’s cruel but mainly from your workplace for a lack of understanding. All you can do is your best and that is not always the right thing. Make sure weekends are made special and like others have said maybe get some time off in the October half term. I’m sure your kids will be fine and have a brilliant summer. Also im sure there will be loads more kids a lot more worse off than yours this summer. They will be fine!

You sound like a loving and thoughtful mummy who is doing what has to be done.

Enjoy your evenings and weekends.

you have to do what you have to do x

and no it is not 'cruel'.
'Cruel' means not feeding them or locking them in a cupboard...
My kids loved holiday club.