is it cruel to send the DC for 6 weeks in the Summer hols to the holidays club

[whatwouldbe]

I am unable to get any annual leave over the summer which means DC will have to spend the entire summer school hols (6 weeks) in a holiday club. 8:30 - 17:30.

it wasn't planned like that, I was hoping to get 1 weeks off in between but could not.

Several friends and my mum told me that this is cruel. That the DC need a break and downtime. I have no friends who could have the DC for a few days and no family to help (my mum is ill and cannot physically do it).

DC dad cannot have them either (long backstory).

working from home is not an option in my line of work.

It is not a choice for me. I really wanted to spend a few days with them at home. It's not only shit for them, it's alse shit for me. all friends have nice holidays planned and we cannot even have some chilled days at home. but there is nothing I can do.

please tell me you have done it too and that it is ok. I feel really awful after DM and some friends made these remarks.

Ghanagirl 6 weeks at holiday camp is indeed absolutely fine for children.

It might be better to have time at home with a parent, or time abroad with a parent but holiday camp is absolutely fine.

Ghanagirl 6 weeks at holiday camp is indeed absolutely fine for children.

It might be better to have time at home with a parent, or time abroad with a parent but holiday camp is absolutely fine.

Cruelty is abuse and neglect, you’re doing neither OP.

You have stated you have no option, end of story.

It’s very very tough being a lone parent, give yourself a break

I get it -it’s hard juggling the holidays. Mine have an eye watering 9.5 weeks off and I have approx 10 days of holiday remaining this year. Yes I am lucky enough that I can take a bit of time off with the kids but they will also be spending a good chunk of their hols in holiday clubs. Yes they are busy days but a change is as good as a rest and they will be having fun. Don’t beat yourself up. You are doing the best you can.

Many apologies if this has already been suggested - would there be any chance of any half days off? If so, the odd morning off would at least give them some lie-ins and a bit of down-time, and the odd afternoon off would mean you could do something fun with them.

I was faced with the same situation last summer. I decided that I would quit my job over the summer and find another as they said I couldn’t take 2 weeks off over the summer. As it turned out they offered me a reduction in my hours for 6 weeks, going back to full time in September. It was great and the cost of holiday club would of killed me

So we are at page 31 and STILL people are suggesting she phones in sick even though it is fraud and the op herself says she wouldn’t do it and has a great work ethic. And more suggestions for a university student which given the child’s special needs would one of the worst options available.

Honestly people. I agree with hissy we should be building woman up, not making them feel guilty for perfectly valid childcare options.

And carribean How will that work if every parent in the organisation says they MUST have a few days off?

You seem to have no alternative to the situation, so are providing for your kids, and know that they will be in a safe location, you have done your best. They will have fun, and you will have a lot to talk about with them when you get home, so relax.

So many judgy comments on here I’m shocked! I feel bad about holiday club too, luckily I’m able to take some time off this summer but I do sometimes need to rely on holiday club as my OH is self employed and if he doesn’t work he doesn’t get paid. Also we have zero family around to help so it’s the only option. Don’t feel bad, you do what you have to do and in my experience Holiday club is brilliant fun and most kids absolutely love it. They get to do all sorts of fun stuff that you wouldn’t normally do at home so please don’t feel guilty! Also, when kids are in private nurseries they do not shut during school holidays so all those kids to get a ‘break’ and I don’t agree with some of the posters that kids need the downtime that adults do. They need short breaks then they are off running again! X

Oh my!! Cruel????
It's summer club 8:30am-5:30pm. I know the guilt you feel, nothing worse than feeling like your failing your kids!
Just make the evening about a movie & snacks together, or 1hr at Park before you get home.
Kids remember treats and love.
Remember also remind them that Christmas gifts need money & even though you want to spend time with them you have to give up your holidays to buy them for them.
People that give you no helpful options need not give you their opinion.

so you cant change the situation your in.
don't let the guilt over ride how you go on to handle it from now on in.so that being with the kids as much as possible.and makin sure they feel safe and proteted and looked after enough to no this is just something that's happenening but all is well with the world because mum loves them.
so when you are together make time to chill.do nothing slob about spending time together.dont let them even if they might say they want to just come in and go to room.be with them.ask about their day be an annoying mum lol.
at weekends too make sure you can do some stuff together.even if its just sitting ordering a take away and watching a box set.
let them know that they are still secure even if mum has to work and they have to go somewhere else.
maybe make a plan for the next time you do have off.plan a holiday or day out to look forward to.

Okay op, my children are each (I think) a year older than yours. We're lucky enough to have the option of weeks at home vegging out over the summer (grandparents and swapping with sisters in law).

Both have asked to go to holiday clubs instead because it's boring being at home. I'm quite happy as they end up fighting each other, then their cousins, then they plus cousins gang up on the supervising adult, then they all slump in front of the tv and retreat to a primordial state of swamp dwelling stink beast until finding a massive energy burst at 9pm.

Sport or art or drama or survival (yes it is a real holiday camp) with enthusiastic teenagers is s million times better.

It’s really mean of other people in your life to say it’s cruel but not offer to help. I understand the guilt and pressure you feel but it sounds like you have no choice. One idea is ‘Workaway’ - I’m doing this for the summer. It’s a non-profit that matches people who want to travel with people who need help. You provide a room and food and in return they can help you out with childcare. That way your child could relax, do play dates, go on days out etc instead of being stuck in a holiday club all summer. I only need 3 days a week and it’s working out really well so far. They are on a bike ride together right now and then will go out for lunch. :)

Children are remarkably resilient beings. My ds moan because I don’t put them in holiday clubs!

On a positive note some children with special needs really struggle with holidays. My ds misses the routine and structure that school time gives. Your dc might find the clear structure of the summer holidays you have planned works far better for them. It also helps with the transition back to school in September

They’ll have fun! My daughter goes to breakfast club and after school club at school at any given opportunity, even on days when they’re not totally necessary, purely because she loves them. I try not to take it personally 😆 she’s already asked to do holiday club a couple of times a week during the holiday too.

And I’m not sure why folks feel the need to tell you how to look after your kids and how and when to spend time with them...... Your only question was is it cruel to send them to holiday club? Answer - Not at all!

Of course it’s not cruel! You’re not sending them to a workhouse for 6 weeks.

Sounds like you’re doing your best in less than ideal circumstances. Just make the most of the weekends.

As soon as you start to think 'cruel' you'll award yourself a fully blown guilt trip. Cruel is neglect, cruel is abuse, cruel is starvation, cruel is doing something detremental to their physical or mental welfare.

What cruel isn't is sending them to a holiday camp, where they will be looked after, safe and participating in well though out activities, whilst you go out and work to keep a roof over their head. Dont give yourself a guilt trip - it'll be good fun for them and Im sure they'll enjoy it (my DS did and like you, I'd no option).

You're friends should walk a mile in your shoes and reserve their shitty judgement until then.

DS isn't at school yet, but I'm already wondering how the heck we will cover all the holidays.

Our friends DS goes to holiday club 3 days a week in the summer and moans and groans on the days he is at home with his mum and little sister until he gets to go back the following week.

They will be absolutely fine - it's not school, playing all day IS down time.

Don’t think it’s cruel at all. They spend term time at school/nursery I assume, and the holiday club will probably be more fun than that.

My last post only applies if your child doesn’t actually want to do holiday club. My child hates summer camps - that’s why I did it. Maybe you should talk to your child, ask what they would ideally like within the constraints you have and then do your best to make it happen. That’s all you can do and your child will know they are loved and cared about. You’re being an awesome role model by working hard and taking care of your family. Be compassionate with yourself!

How old is the child? "Cruel " is entitlement word. Not everyone can afford a nanny or have supportive extended family. Please do what you can . Ones who say its "cruel" maybe can offer you free babysitting?? Or just good at judging only? Lets not forget children of simple folk WERE WORKING from age 5-6 - doing chores, helping around the house , garden, eventually going to the factory breathing toxic industrial funes not so long ago. Lets just not imagine everyone is supposed to provide some sort of amazing resting holidays for their children.

I found myself in a similar position a few y7ears ago when my parens died within a year of each other. Their father had left us and I took the decision of changing career and getting a job in their school. Although it was hard financially I had no childcare costs and didn't pay much tax. There were also tax credits to help me out. My kids are just about grown up now and I know I would have bitterly regretted not spending time with them when they were small. I lived next door to a childminder and I could see kids getting dropped of at 7am and not picked up till 7pm. Its amazing what you can do and how resourceful you become when you need to.

definitely not cruel in the slightest!
I think you said you have found somewhere that can cater for your SN child, that's brilliant and shows you've put a lot of thought into it and not just taken the first thing that came along. Worrying about it being cruel also shows you care.
You may all want to relax (or you may have to do housework) at the weekends/evenings so don't worry about doing stuff unless you're all up to it although having a picnic in the park sounds relaxing and 'doing something' at the same time.

Some people have suggested changing jobs for a 'family-friendly' job but that probably isn't that easy as some people seem to think, especially when it seems every day at the moment, companies are making people redundant, I mean what job will let you start after school drop off, leave for picking kids up after school, have every weekend and evening off and give you 13 weeks holiday whilst paying you enough money to live?
Your kids will probably have the best summer and you can save having a holiday, whether it be going away somewhere or days out, for another time, school holiday time or not. Having a holiday when it's not peak season can be infinitely better!

I don't get this 'kids need down time' stuff. I think we overthink it. Mine are full pelt the whole time and would LOVE holiday club. Also, who's to say they don't get downtime there? Just tell them if you think they need time out lying on the grass for z while every day or something. They still get the weekends to chill out (and probably get bored).