is it cruel to send the DC for 6 weeks in the Summer hols to the holidays club

[whatwouldbe]

I am unable to get any annual leave over the summer which means DC will have to spend the entire summer school hols (6 weeks) in a holiday club. 8:30 - 17:30.

it wasn't planned like that, I was hoping to get 1 weeks off in between but could not.

Several friends and my mum told me that this is cruel. That the DC need a break and downtime. I have no friends who could have the DC for a few days and no family to help (my mum is ill and cannot physically do it).

DC dad cannot have them either (long backstory).

working from home is not an option in my line of work.

It is not a choice for me. I really wanted to spend a few days with them at home. It's not only shit for them, it's alse shit for me. all friends have nice holidays planned and we cannot even have some chilled days at home. but there is nothing I can do.

please tell me you have done it too and that it is ok. I feel really awful after DM and some friends made these remarks.

Haven't rtwt but I really emphathise as my 3 will be in similar for at least 3 of the 6 weeks, as they were last year. It costs us about £450 a week for the 3 of them at holiday club so when you offset that against the lost pay of taking a week of unpaid parental leave is it still unaffordable? Having said that your employer can postpone your request for parental leave if it would be detrimental to the business to agree to it, by up to 6 months, so they could just do that, though it might be worth checking if you can do that if you can make the finances work.
At the end of the day though, your children will be well cared for and active during those weeks, which is better than being neglected or lounging in front of the TV eating rubbish all holiday so whilst it feels sh1t to you it is by far the worst thing that could happen to them. Good luck! xx

You missed out another alternative OP

Explaining to boss the situation and saying that out of the entire summer period you MUST have a few days off. Say 3 maximum.

At least would give you and them a few days together chilling out. Could be really special.

Yes. Cruel. Two days a week at camps is more than enough. Or three mornings.

Ask a friend to help?
Get another job?
Swap holiday with a colleague?

OP, you forgot these gems!

Every summer, half term and Christmas there is a CF thread about someone asking for someone to look after their kids because they have to WORK.

Getting another job, yup because we all know when you’re new in a job you get first dibs on allllll the holiday you want. So swapping one new job for another will absolutely be achieved in time for the school holiday. Yessiree.

Swapping holiday? Yup cos there will be a stampede of people cancelling flights and rearranging their annual holiday so that the OP can take some time off..

Cos we’d all do that for our colleagues. Of course.

The kids will have a fabulous time playing, they’ll love it.

Please OP, relax and know that they will enjoy themselves and it will be ok.

Certainly no cruel. If you need the child care. In an ideal world, it would be nice to have the family support. But some people like myself don't, and you dont have much option. Yeah, I little inconvenience for the kids, but it teaches kids as they grow up and prepare for the real world It's better than going back to sign on at the job centre. You need to go to work to pay bills and afford nice things for them.

I’d probably be looking at Nannies, au pairs, university students etc in your shoes I think for some of it

Could you take just a couple of days at least?

Could you find a childminder so the kids at least get a bit of home-based sofatime, even in someone else’s home? Other kids taking holidays mean childminders often have a bit of capacity - though it may be too late for this year.

Much sympathy. I’ve been there and I’m lucky I can work from home now. My boy has done 6-week stints before over holidays. He didn’t die. Make the weekends special - a day of daytripping family fun, a day slobbing.

Hello, I was wondering if you could take a couple of Fridays and Mondays off so you will have 8 days with the children ? X

Wanna know the reason why women will NEVER be considered equal? Why well always be dismissed and marginalised?

Because of that absolute wankery shown by some women to other women about their perfectly valid and reasonable choices.

This constant need to destabilise, guilt trip and demoralise is why womenkind are as threatened as we are today.

You can take the girls out of the playground, but you can’t take the playground out of (some) girls.

We women have it hard enough in life generally without turning on each other when there really ISNT anything wrong about holiday clubs.

The kids play and have fun. There is more choice in these schemes than ever before.

Nobody is entitled to judge the op for any of this.

It's a fine idea. Your DC will meet new friends and learn lots of social and sporting skills.

You're doing a great job as a parent, just keep smiling.

Can you pull a sicky? You can self cert for a week. Not ideal as you’ll probably tempt fate and get a bloomin virus a couple of weeks after but can’t think of anything else. Don’t let others put a guilt trip on you, you can only do your best!

We live in s. Europe. Mine actually can't wait for holiday club! Three month schools hols means it's where all working parents send their kids . It's fun ...no work..all play and pool and sports. What could be better? We spend all weekends doing gun stuff together . 6 weeks of summer camp having fun outdoors for about 100 euro all in per week for 2 dc. I don't have annual leave either. It's not cruel and anyone who says so needs to get a grip. We're not in the 1980s anymore..mums work..dads work...kids have loads of opportunities in the summer camp to try all different sports and mature mixing with other ages.
Ours starts next week. Mine love it. They are 7 and 9. They've been you g since they were 4.

OP How dare people criticise you for this (in RL) and then not offer to help! Try confronting them on their shit? My mother would comment about my housekeeping (minimal, due to F/T work/ single mum/ 3 kids combo) until I told her to either button it or do something about it. Now she does my ironing whilst she’s here once a week! Sometimes cleans the bathroom etc! Win Win.
I love the ‘where’s the dad?’ comment. Duh... obviously not much help wherever he may be and probably not reading this thread to feel bad about it??

Kids love holiday camps. I know my dc prefers to be going to them rather than stay at home !
It’s a shame for you however and I think pretty crap of ur employer not to grant ANY leave during the hols . I would be questioning this if it was me. Or maybe u could negotiate some early finishes ...

whatwouldbe
"Its not throwing a sickie" if you are considering stressed and putting a child with SN in full-time holiday care as it doesn't sound suitable but you seem to just want reassurance so not sure how to advise you.
Hope it works out okay though

I expect they will love it, its still down time and they can make friends and have fun. Stop worrying, you are doing what is right for your family x

Make the most of weekends, dedicating them totally to your children. See if employer will let you take 1 or 2 long weekends, either booking off Friday and Monday to have 4 days together so you can go somewhere, or just the Monday or Friday. If company doesn’t approve this and try to meet you halfway then I would be making every effort to find something else. My kids love holiday clubs and we don’t use just 1 so they have different options of activities. You could see if you can get an au pair for at least a few weeks. I have had fab au pairs in summer hols in the past. Children spoilt with plenty of activities ( all low cost or free). You can also look at local childminder options. Explain to children and book the October half term off work now! Look for low cost hol option for that week so they have something to look forward to.

Honestly OP, stop viewing it as a bad thing! Get that monkey off your back, you don't need the guilt.

If they were at home they would laze around, watch too much TV, squabble, get bored. Instead they'll get activities tailored to their age/needs/abilities provided by people who are good at what they do. They'll fill their days constructively and have early evening and weekends to chill out - they'll prob. sleep really well too.

You are not taking 6 weeks off and pissing off to a tropical island! You're working hard to pay the bills and keep a roof over their heads - it's an honourable, positive thing, not something to worry and feel bad about.

They'll be fine, they'll have fun. Hold your head high and crack on.... and plan the next holiday when you can all be off together so you can all look forwards to that too.

i am a working mum to and believe that holiday clubs are my saviour
entertained
fed
tired out
socialised
cultured#
well travelled ds1 doing something ds2 needs to find something xx

@Ghanagirl
She's not sick though? And attitudes like that "oh things didn't go my way so I'm too stressed to work" made things harder for people with genuine stress issues.

Bad idea, bad for the business and bad for op's career!!

whatwouldbe you are providing your children with excellent care while you work and I’m sure they will have a great summer.

I have a DS with LD and ASD and a DD with no disabilities. When they were small they both went to the same holiday club, DD was often the only none disabled child there and she loved it. She is 20 now and still remembers her time there with great affection, she also has an amazing understanding of LD and empathy with her disabled peers. A good inclusive club can be an amazing place.

RideSallyRide76
Okay but 6 weeks at holiday camp is okay for children?
Okay guess we have different priorities which is fine.

One of the reasons for authorised absence in term-time, given in the attendance handout in school, was a parent with a job that prevented any leave in school holidays. If your work will confirm that they will not permit annual leave over the summer in writing, then you could ask for a week in September from school? Worth a try, anyway.

The friends criticising you aren't offering to help. Fuck 'em. No, it's not ideal, but you know what's even less ideal in childhood? Destitution. You have no choice, and that's just how it is.

Several friends and my mum told me that this is cruel. That the DC need a break and downtime. I have no friends who could have the DC for a few days and no family to help (my mum is ill and cannot physically do it).

Tell your friends to put their money where their (big) mouths are.

What a horrible thing to do, heaping guilt on you for something you can't help, while they are not willing or able to do anything about it either.

I agree 100% with Hissy's posts here.

Do your best on weekends to have some family time. Summer evenings are long, and you could maybe go on walks or have fun in the garden if you have one, or just eat popcorn and watch a movie on the couch together. There won't be homework, you can all relax.

Don’t worry about it. A wise woman once told me not to expend energy worrying about things beyond your control. So don’t.

The kids will be fine. Sure maybe they would prefer to be off with you but my kids would rather be in a luxury hotel than camping. It’s not like they will have an awful time at a kids camp. Ultimately it’s not a bad lesson for kids to realise that sometimes things aren’t exactly as they want them and that in the real world you have to work for a living.

Oh and I agree with others about the pointed comments. 1) it’s flipping insensitive and 2) mean of them not to lend a hand for the odd day.