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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

is it cruel to send the DC for 6 weeks in the Summer hols to the holidays club

966 replies

whatwouldbe · 06/06/2018 05:37

I am unable to get any annual leave over the summer which means DC will have to spend the entire summer school hols (6 weeks) in a holiday club. 8:30 - 17:30.

it wasn't planned like that, I was hoping to get 1 weeks off in between but could not.

Several friends and my mum told me that this is cruel. That the DC need a break and downtime. I have no friends who could have the DC for a few days and no family to help (my mum is ill and cannot physically do it).

DC dad cannot have them either (long backstory).

working from home is not an option in my line of work.

It is not a choice for me. I really wanted to spend a few days with them at home. It's not only shit for them, it's alse shit for me. all friends have nice holidays planned and we cannot even have some chilled days at home. but there is nothing I can do.

please tell me you have done it too and that it is ok. I feel really awful after DM and some friends made these remarks.

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 07/06/2018 14:47

There is thinking outside the box and then there is suggesting you send a 7 year old and their disabled sibling on an exchange! Not a valid sensible solution.

Original poster
whatwouldbe · 07/06/2018 14:48

i realized after a while that this was the pertinent bit of her post: please tell me you have done it too and that it is ok

yes, this was the nature of my post. I was looking for reassurance and didn't ask for alternatives at any point. Is this a problem?

OP posts:
KatherinaMinola · 07/06/2018 14:56

No, as I said above, it's fair enough that you just wanted reassurance - but it was possible to read your post as looking for alternatives (that's how I read it initially). I think you were a bit ruder than you needed to be to PP offering ideas, even if you didn't think much of their ideas.

Nicky, some ideas aren't suitable for whatever reason but you don't need to shoot the PP down for trying to help.

LightAsTheBreeze · 07/06/2018 14:59

I think people didn’t read the OP properly, common on here and made alternative suggestions that OP didn’t need as she was using a particular club anyway which suited her needs, she just wanted reassurance that this was ok and that other parents did the same in the holidays.

Then came the ridiculous suggestions....

KatherinaMinola · 07/06/2018 15:02

Yes, but Light, you could read all the "my mum can't have them, I can't work from home, no friends who can have them" as someone who is desperately trying to think of a solution. And if you just read the OP you don't know that the DC are very young and have additional needs - in which case some suggestions not so stupid.

Original poster
whatwouldbe · 07/06/2018 15:02

and fwiw, the 'alternatives' were

  • a nanny (sorry, too expensive)
  • throwing a sickie (not me, sorry)
  • getting a student to look after them (not appropriate for a my child with SN)
  • getting a French au pair (not appropriate for my disabled child either)
  • sending my 7 year old to France because it is cheaper (well, for starters it will cost more than £25/day and I don't consider it appropriate for a 7 year old).
OP posts:
HouseworkIsASin10 · 07/06/2018 15:06

please tell me you have done it too and that it is ok

Yes. My DD was stuck with grandparents, she would have loved to have gone to holiday club with her friends.

Original poster
whatwouldbe · 07/06/2018 15:06

Katharina, where was I rude?

OP posts:
LightAsTheBreeze · 07/06/2018 15:08

It was the mum and the friends that said all that though, OP was using the club and the mum was saying they needed this, that and the other. OP said it wasn’t a choice for her, it was either a few days off, a holiday, both of which she couldn’t have or holiday club

gluteustothemaximus · 07/06/2018 15:26

I thought the OP posted because she was worried about the comments she was receiving about the ‘cruel’ treatment she was about the inflict on her children for the summer holidays, and she was after reassurance that she was not being cruel.

The answer is, no, you are not being cruel.

You are working, earning money, providing, and your children are going to have a blast at the holiday clubs. Accompanied with super chilled weekends with mum, I think your holidays sound great Smile

MismatchedPJs · 07/06/2018 16:38

OP's been kicked when she was down on this thread and she's handled it with good grace IMO.

purplebunny2012 · 07/06/2018 17:26

It's not cruel at all! My son has an absolutely fab time at holiday camps.
How daft to call it cruel. Is sending them to school every day cruel?

Strongmummy · 07/06/2018 17:30

OP, this isn’t ideal, but don’t feel guilty. Your friends saying “it’s cruel” are being thoroughly unhelpful particularly if they are not prepared to help you out. X

Nousernamefound · 07/06/2018 17:31

If it’s what you have to do, it’s what you have to do. Do nice things in the evening, cinema, walks, pub dinner, but don’t beat yourself up about it.

MemyselfandIrene2 · 07/06/2018 17:32

You aren’t cruel. You are a working mum and can luckily afford holiday clubs the kids will survive.

Pumpkinbell · 07/06/2018 17:33

Hi whatwouldbe don’t feel too bad its not your fault you can’t get AL in the school holidays. There are probably a lot more families out there who are in the same situation, only difference is they may have family who can help out. You are doing the best you can, just try and do memorable things with them when you are at home. Picnics in the park, movie night etc they will understand you are doing your best Flowers

Mmest75 · 07/06/2018 17:33

Sounds like you are in a really difficult position. No help etc ...
Your doing what you can and that’s all we can ever do. Like said above don’t stress yourself too much.

Mumto2two · 07/06/2018 17:33

I totally empathise with your situation OP. My eldest child spent a lot of time in holiday clubs. Sometimes she enjoyed it, sometimes she didn’t. Having other friends to go with really helped. And sometimes they make good friends too. You have to roll with your own situation, as best you can. And as many others have said, I’m sure it will be just fine. Factor in the odd long weekend or early evening home here and there, and enjoy whatever quality time you can Smile

Lellikelly26 · 07/06/2018 17:36

I would be looking for another job

Icanttakemuchmore · 07/06/2018 17:36

Can you see if there's a friends mum that can have your dc for some if the time, offering them the same payment as you would pay for the holiday club? It's awful if you can't get time off due to business needs. Is there anyone that would swap one of their two weeks leave with you during the holidays?

Fidom · 07/06/2018 17:38

OP don’t worry at all. My son loves his holiday club - it’s at his school and it’s like his ultimate fantasy - school with no learning! They play all day and go on loads of trips. I sometimes send him even when I might be able to get the day off as frankly he enjoys it more than a day at home and it’s cheaper than most day trips.

EnchantedByGin · 07/06/2018 17:39

I feel for you re no annual leave for their summer hols, but in no way is sending them to holiday club is cruel. My eldest loved pretty much all his experiences of holiday clubs, so much that he demanded on doing one even if grandparents were ‘having’ him for a week of summer hols. I’d agree about switching up venues or types of holiday clubs for them so they don’t get too repetitive. Best of luck and hope you get some wonderful long weekends having making some special memories with them.

Ghanagirl · 07/06/2018 17:40

It's not PC but 2 weeks off sick due to stress
In fact you and kids will definitely be stressed...

TeresaEdPsych · 07/06/2018 17:41

Not sure why you are shouldering all the guilt about this? What about the father? Seems as though you are doing your best, presumably there are weekends where you can just chill together. You can make sure that there are built in alone time such as some time at the end of the day. As long as your DD gets some of your time she is likely to be fine.

KEB123 · 07/06/2018 17:42

You are not sending them down a mine for six weeks. Ok perhaps in an ideal world it wouldn’t be this way but you are doing your best and being a single working parent without support is bloody hard work. So it will be fine and please don’t feel guilty

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