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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

is it cruel to send the DC for 6 weeks in the Summer hols to the holidays club

966 replies

whatwouldbe · 06/06/2018 05:37

I am unable to get any annual leave over the summer which means DC will have to spend the entire summer school hols (6 weeks) in a holiday club. 8:30 - 17:30.

it wasn't planned like that, I was hoping to get 1 weeks off in between but could not.

Several friends and my mum told me that this is cruel. That the DC need a break and downtime. I have no friends who could have the DC for a few days and no family to help (my mum is ill and cannot physically do it).

DC dad cannot have them either (long backstory).

working from home is not an option in my line of work.

It is not a choice for me. I really wanted to spend a few days with them at home. It's not only shit for them, it's alse shit for me. all friends have nice holidays planned and we cannot even have some chilled days at home. but there is nothing I can do.

please tell me you have done it too and that it is ok. I feel really awful after DM and some friends made these remarks.

OP posts:
LightAsTheBreeze · 07/06/2018 12:43

Grin at some of the suggestions

Danniz · 07/06/2018 12:47

I don't live on a different planet - working single mum with little money. Can't afford to take my children away on holiday, so foreign language exchanges have been a real godsend for us and have been a high point of my DCs' lives so far. I suggested from age 9. But I apologise for suggesting something that has been so amazing for our family! How dare I!
Yes, I do think it's unfair on the child without special needs if he/she always has to do the same as the child with SN if he/she could be doing something more interesting. Just as if I had a child that could get into a great grammar school, I wouldn't hold them back because my other child couldn't pass the 11plus. I appreciate that some others feel differently about this.

AvoidingDM · 07/06/2018 12:47

Some suggestions on here are seriously loopy.
Yes cool, Ops, struggling for time with her own kids so when the heck is she going to accommodate an exchange child. And no I can't see how flights would be any cheaper than holiday club.

I don't even get the logic of sending the child to different holiday clubs. Making friends then leaving to go somewhere new on Monday to make more new friends.

Surely it's better to stick with one group, who will probably have a whole range of activities and never repeat the same thing twice??

Op I'm sure your kids will have a ball at holiday club. Also I wouldn't split them if you can avoid having to.

Danniz · 07/06/2018 12:48

Obviously, you have the French child to stay when you are on holiday with your children, not when you're at work. Although that's also possible if they're keen to experience a British school (we've done that too - involves very little work if they just go to school with your kids).

Danniz · 07/06/2018 12:49

But laugh away, heaven forbid you actually think about trying something different.

Danniz · 07/06/2018 12:50

Return flight to Paris can be under £100. Not bad for an exciting 2 week holiday.

MismatchedPJs · 07/06/2018 12:55

Ah I'm glad you are seeing the funny side OP Grin.

They will be fine. There will be lots of people using clubs over the summer. Just remember that they won't be the ones posting on FB with #makingmemories #specialfamilytime

SoupDragon · 07/06/2018 12:59

Obviously, you have the French child to stay when you are on holiday with your children,

The whole point of this thread is that the OP isn’t able to take any holiday isn’t it?

Original poster
whatwouldbe · 07/06/2018 13:05

danniz, I don't think you understand SN if you think it is detrimental to a child without to attend an inclusive holiday club. I seriously don't know what to say. I am not holding my younger one back in any way Shock
Actually, my 7 year old (no SN) has more compassion and understanding than you have.

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 07/06/2018 13:05

Exactly Soup. Grin. It’s ok op can send the French kid to holiday care as well.

Danniz · 07/06/2018 13:06

She is taking holiday, just not over the summer. Anyway, the French kid could go to holiday club too, or could go to school with her kids at some point, or come over at Easter.
You can be as disparaging as you like. We are a low income single parent family, but both my DCs have had amazing holidays in Paris and in the French Alps, where they both learned to ski (something we could never have afforded otherwise). They both speak reasonable French and are at the top of their French classes at school, and are both taking French at a higher level.
How about thinking outside the box, or at least not laughing when someone else does so?

Danniz · 07/06/2018 13:08

Holiday clubs are fine, generally. But if you can mix up a standard school club with a football club, or theatre club, or whatever, it makes the holiday a lot more interesting. Is all.

Spikeyball · 07/06/2018 13:08

Danniz it being an exchange she would have to have the French child stay with her family at some point. That could be very difficult when you have a child with complex sn in the mix.

Danniz · 07/06/2018 13:09

I will leave you to it now. Strewth.

AnnaT45 · 07/06/2018 13:19

whatwould just to reassure you all I remember from a lot of school holidays as a child was camps and i loved it!

We are all just do the best we can, it's not cruel in any shape or form

Stickerrocks · 07/06/2018 13:19

The holiday club we used to use was based in a special needs school with approximately 80:20 SN ratio. My DD had no special needs and had an absolute whale of a time until she was 13. The club organised all of the sports tournaments/theatre schools/day trips that earlier posters have suggested. It didn't need to be made more interesting, they were already running tournaments, putting on shows, organising Holiday Club's Got Talent competitions and everything else that you would expect a premium priced child care business to offer. A mixed ability club is not holding back some of the children, they can be a positive experience for everyone.

veggiethrower · 07/06/2018 13:33

It's not ideal but there is no other way round it. I think your family and friends should keep their opinions to themselves if they are unwilling/unable to offer to help. My cousin often stayed with us in the summer for a couple of weeks because both her parents had to work.
It's perfectly clear to me why you are unable to take time off work so I don't know why they can't understand it.
Plenty of people send their children to holiday clubs or in eg. America so many children are sent away to residential camps for several weeks at a time.

I'll probably get flamed for saying this, but I'd be sorely tempted to book a week's holiday for you all in September and take the hit of being fined by the school for non-attendance.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 07/06/2018 13:34

Utterly gobsmacked at the lack of comprehension skills of some people on this thread!!

Hey ho. Some people just do not understand other people's circumstances.

wornoutboots · 07/06/2018 13:36

Sahp here, my 7 year old thinks I'm cruel because I won't sign him up for summer club for every session (can't afford to). You can't win, so ignore the unhelpful commenters. You are doing what's right in your situation.

tobee · 07/06/2018 13:40

Agree with earlier pp, make the weekends special, super chilled and watching films or whatever they/you like doing.

It's not even remotely cruel.

Lexilooo · 07/06/2018 13:41

FFS it is NOT cruel!

There will be plenty of kids who will be insanely jealous and would love to be able to spend the whole holiday doing activities with other kids. Plenty of children will be bored for the majority of the holidays.

Loads of posters are looking at this from an adult perspective not that of a child. Kids don't generally feel the same about "chill" time and "making memories" as we do. Many holiday activities are more for the parents than the children.

Reframe how you think about this. They are lucky enough to be doing six whole weeks of holiday club! Won't it be fun! They will make new friends and try new activities. Use this language when speaking to the kids and other adults.

If anyone criticises just ask them what the alternative is. Are they offering childcare? No? They can sod off with their opinions then. The children are safe and looked after.

By all means let them choose whether they want activities or unstructured time at the weekend but don't go on like you have something to make up for it sends the wrong message.

If there is a chance of an odd day off then grab it but don't beat yourself up. You need to work, unless some of those criticising fancy paying your bills.

WaxOnFeckOff · 07/06/2018 14:04

And yep, a flight for an unaccompanied 9 year old (with extra needs or not) is free. Hmm

Our club use dto have an overriding theme for the sumer, maybe the Olympics, or Magic or something and then each week would have a lower level theme maybe one week France or Harry Potter week or something related to the summer theme. Individual days would then be timetabled to include some themed activities or snacks. So France Olympic week would maybe involve making some flag banners and french fancies when baking and some sports etc. They mix up the activities and then still have standard stuff running that the kids can do individually or in small groups if they'd prefer. Things like the PCs/bikes/pool table.

My Dc enjoyed massive games of hide and seek best, others liked making up plays etc. there were a small number of DC with obvious special needs but probably many more with less obvious extra needs. It doesn't hold anyone back but does help other DC to develop caring and compassion and understanding. Something often sadly lacking in the adult population of MN.

BillowingFluffs · 07/06/2018 14:10

No it's not cruel at all. There are children who are in almost daily childcare from less than a year old who cope absolutely fine and enjoy going each day, so why would your dc going to a fun holiday club be considered cruel? I'm sure your kids will have a fantastic time.

ByeMF · 07/06/2018 14:11

I do wonder at the choice of phrasing in the original post given how OP is completely opposed to any ideas that do not conform to her own opinion. Why post? Why slag off people repeatedly for trying to make suggestions?

KatherinaMinola · 07/06/2018 14:44

I thought that too, Bye - lots of people made useful suggestions that weren't acknowledged, and it seemed that the OP only acknowledged any suggestions at all in order to scoff at them.

I realized after a while that this was the pertinent bit of her post: please tell me you have done it too and that it is ok

She doesn't actually want any suggestions, or any discussion of the pros and cons of holiday clubs, or any thoughts on how to handle things in future. She just wants reassurance and to be told it's OK. (Which is fair enough, though I think she was a bit rude to the posters who were trying to help by thinking outside the box.)