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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

is it cruel to send the DC for 6 weeks in the Summer hols to the holidays club

966 replies

whatwouldbe · 06/06/2018 05:37

I am unable to get any annual leave over the summer which means DC will have to spend the entire summer school hols (6 weeks) in a holiday club. 8:30 - 17:30.

it wasn't planned like that, I was hoping to get 1 weeks off in between but could not.

Several friends and my mum told me that this is cruel. That the DC need a break and downtime. I have no friends who could have the DC for a few days and no family to help (my mum is ill and cannot physically do it).

DC dad cannot have them either (long backstory).

working from home is not an option in my line of work.

It is not a choice for me. I really wanted to spend a few days with them at home. It's not only shit for them, it's alse shit for me. all friends have nice holidays planned and we cannot even have some chilled days at home. but there is nothing I can do.

please tell me you have done it too and that it is ok. I feel really awful after DM and some friends made these remarks.

OP posts:

Danniz · 06/06/2018 23:31

How old are they?
Can Grandparents take them for a week? Maybe they could even take them away for a couple of days?
Could they be invited to spend a few days with schoolfriends?

WatcherintheRye · 06/06/2018 23:48

Op, they'll be fine. Believe me - a couple of weeks in to the summer holidays, and there'll be parents tearing their hair out because all their dc want to do is be in their rooms gaming and on phones, even on the sunniest of days!

There will be lots of activities to interest your dc in a holiday club, and surely they won't be forcing children to do stuff they don't want to? There must be provision for those who don't want to 'join in' all the time? Try not to stress about it. 'Summer Camp' is the norm in many countries, where often the dc don't even have the down time at home every evening!

Clubcuts · 07/06/2018 06:27

@Danniz opening thread covers both those points. Neither being an option.

Original poster

whatwouldbe · 07/06/2018 08:28

dilly, correct. I will probably drop them off just nearer 9 but I do have a long commute from where the holiday club is (as it is a 'special club' my disabled DD can attend), it is not based at our local primary but at the other end of the borough so I have a lot of driving to do and I do take half an hour lunch as well as I need refuelling and a small break too .

and no, I won't throw a sickie. not my style!

OP posts:

ilovesooty · 07/06/2018 08:32

I didn't for one moment think that throwing a sickie was something you'd do. One in the eye for those with no integrity who suggested it.
I hope your summer goes as well as it can do and you have a great holiday in October.

Sharkwithknees · 07/06/2018 08:33

It's holiday club, not a workhouse. They'll be fine. I've had to do it and felt guilty but sometimes there's no option unfortunately! They won't suffer for it.

WaxOnFeckOff · 07/06/2018 08:40

Our Out if school care (also not at my local school) used to allow us to do full or days or half days which could be any 5 hour period. Obviously when they are away on a trip then you have to do a full day but on other days I used to sometimes only put them in for a half day and just juggle my hours to finish early. I don't think the DC cared that much to be honest but it used to make me feel better. As I more or less normally worked school hours (but started early and DC went to breakfast club) it just meant than on trip days when they wouldn't be back on time anyway, I just worked later. Obviously it would depend on your employer if they were okay with that and if the club was also able to accommodate but as I say, your DC probably don't care :)

Good luck with it OP, you are doing a great job.

Clubcuts · 07/06/2018 08:46

@whatwouldbe , you are awesome and a fantastic role model to your children!

for you!

Something I remembered, we used holiday clubs when children were that age. One day my OH declined overtime (we could've done with the money!) to go collect the children early. Anyhow he gets there and that afternoon they'd planned a water fight (I think that was it anyway) and the disappointment when he went to collect them! So he called me and said what should I do, they want to stay! I said well taking them home is just satisfying your misplaced guilt, if they want to stay let them! Well a massive cheer went up when he said they could stay!!

WaxOnFeckOff · 07/06/2018 08:53

Exactly Clubcuts! We used to look at the programme for the week in order to decide what day they would leave early and sometimes it was a struggle to find something they weren't overly fussed about (usually a talent competition or something). But even then, they knew that they didn't have to do the advertised activity and if they wanted to do something else that was okay too. waterfights were a popular activity!

GettingAwayWithIt · 07/06/2018 08:57

You know sometimes I think people are so wrapped up in £££ that they forget children are only young once. There's plenty of time to earn lots of money when they're older and more independent. People are so worried about working that they don't see their little ones and it's sad.
I used to work in a nursery and some children would come in at 7am and stay until 6pm. They'd start as babies, do their first steps there, progress through the rooms and then eventually stay for holiday care...all because their parents worked hard for a big house that they're never in! Or fancy things that they never use because they're always at work (or nursery)

Do you actually know the circumstances of every parent at your nursery or are you just making sweep judgements about hard working parents?

I'm currently on maternity leave and will be going back to work 4 days a week when my daughter is 8 months. Grandparents will have her for a day each and then other two days she will be in nursery. I will drop her off on my way to work about 7:40am and collect her on my way home about 5:20pm. It has to be me doing the drop off and pick up as we have one car. DH has a work van but he's a painter & decorater so can't fit a child car seat in the back with all of the tins of paint.

We live in a mid terrace, 3 bedroom house. We don't go on fancy holidays. We don't buy lots of 'stuff' other than food for us all and clothes for our little girl. As above we have one car between us. We do not live a lavish lifestyle. I have to continue to work to contribute to the mortgage and our bills.

How dare you make a sweeping judgement about me leaving my daughter in a nursery. Can I ask what you would do if all of us selfish, despicable parents took our children out of nursery? Would you then not have a job?

HRoosevelt · 07/06/2018 09:00

You said you'll be able to get time off in September, can you arrange it for October half term?

GettingAwayWithIt · 07/06/2018 09:04

Whatwouldbe

Your children will have a fantastic summer filled with activities and seeing their friends. You are doing your very best to put food on the table and keep a roof over your heads. You are a positive role model to your children. The fact that you are asking if this is ok shows how much you care about them and how much you'd rather not be at work. But unfortunately for working parents this is the reality. Please don't let the negativity get to you. Everyone's circumstances are different and you do what is best for your own family.

petrolpump28 · 07/06/2018 10:16

stating the obvious but could you find a good person at the holiday club and share some of your concerns?

WaxOnFeckOff · 07/06/2018 10:32

I wonder if all the folk that think it's easy to get time off in the summer holidays would be happy to have reduced services available to them during that time in order to allow parents to all get time off?

In order for you to enjoy your fun days at the theme park or ice-cream in the cafe etc etc, people have to be working. And what about if you had reduced electricity or banking hours/empty cash machines, early closing in the supermarket, no internet access, no post etc etc.

The reality is that whilst most companies will do their utmost to give their staff time off in the summer holidays, it's just not possible when there are essentially only 6 weeks (3 fortnights) and they still need to run a business. It's not great for parents but there doesn't seem to be a solution. Increasing summer holidays would make it easier to get time off but many more weeks where childcare would be needed.

It's bizarre that some posters can't see that this might be an issue and will effect most employers.

MismatchedPJs · 07/06/2018 10:50

Haven't read all TFT but just wanted to say it's all about finding the right holiday club. It sounds like you've done this in spades. 6 weeks of outward bound rock climbing etc? No. 6 weeks of 9-5 sports camp? No. 6 weeks of a less full on environment where they do get a bit of downtime - totally different kettle of fish.

It's not ideal but it sounds like you've made the absolute best of it, and they will be ok. Try to have something in the routine that rings the changes and reminds you all that it's a holiday, even if it's something simple like a different breakfast or slightly later nights, and have a few extra takeaways if you can stretch to it. Not just for them but because YOU will deserve some sort of break.

Danniz · 07/06/2018 11:25

Have we been told how old the DCs are?
In this kind of situation, best to use 3 or 4 different holiday clubs, of different types, to make it more varied and fun, pick up new skills, meet new people, etc.
If the DCS are a little older (say age 9 up), why not organise a language exchange holiday for each of them - costs you nothing, and they will discover a new country and start to learn a new language.

petrolpump28 · 07/06/2018 11:29

i think the OP made it clear the holiday club she uses is one of the few place who will cater for both children, one with additional needs.

JingsMahBucket · 07/06/2018 11:42

@Danniz RTFT

WaxOnFeckOff · 07/06/2018 11:57

I'm now wondering how you can send a 9 year away abroad on a language exchange for free!

Clubcuts · 07/06/2018 12:05

@Danniz the opening post confirms one child had additional needs, your suggestions are not relevant!

Danniz · 07/06/2018 12:17

Do both children have to be treated exactly the same way in that case? Presumably not? Seems unfair on the child who doesn't have SN.
Holiday clubs are not free, are they? Ours certainly weren't.
A language exchange only costs the child's flight. And of course you accommodate the exchange child when they come over to visit you. So this would probably be cheaper than a holiday club. My children did this and were shown round Paris by Parisians while learning French - amazing experience.

ghostyslovesheets · 07/06/2018 12:32

some people really do exist on a different planet

Original poster

whatwouldbe · 07/06/2018 12:35

danniz, what is unfair for my child without SN? why is sending my disabled child to the holiday club ok but it's unfair to my child without SN?

And no, a foreign exchange is not cheaper than this council run scheme and besides, I would not consider it appropriate to send a 7 year old to a country where she doesn't speak the language and will be surrounded 24/7 by strangers. she is fully bilingual anyways and doing just fine on the 2nd language front

OP posts:

Ohsuchaperfectday · 07/06/2018 12:37

Finishing early Friday is great compromise. Its not ideal but your dc will be well cared for, have fun doing fun stuff... Making new friends.

I wouldn't worry too much about it however, I would try and do everything I could to make sure next year is better... New job, different holiday etc...

Original poster

whatwouldbe · 07/06/2018 12:38

and LOL to having a little Frenchman in my house with me working all week and 2 children (one with complex SN) to look after on my own. That suggestion made me chuckle. Poor little sod would be traumatised by the British way of life

OP posts:

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