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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

is it cruel to send the DC for 6 weeks in the Summer hols to the holidays club

966 replies

whatwouldbe · 06/06/2018 05:37

I am unable to get any annual leave over the summer which means DC will have to spend the entire summer school hols (6 weeks) in a holiday club. 8:30 - 17:30.

it wasn't planned like that, I was hoping to get 1 weeks off in between but could not.

Several friends and my mum told me that this is cruel. That the DC need a break and downtime. I have no friends who could have the DC for a few days and no family to help (my mum is ill and cannot physically do it).

DC dad cannot have them either (long backstory).

working from home is not an option in my line of work.

It is not a choice for me. I really wanted to spend a few days with them at home. It's not only shit for them, it's alse shit for me. all friends have nice holidays planned and we cannot even have some chilled days at home. but there is nothing I can do.

please tell me you have done it too and that it is ok. I feel really awful after DM and some friends made these remarks.

OP posts:
PourMeAGlassOfMilk · 06/06/2018 19:16

My parents both worked the majority of the summer holidays for many years. We usually had 1 week family holiday somewhere in the middle of it. So for the other 5 weeks i was sent to my grandmother's. And she sent me to holiday club. I have the most wonderful memories of those summers. Your kids will enjoy it OP. Just enjoy the evenings and weekends.

Biffkipandchip · 06/06/2018 20:45

Sorry you've been made to feel like this OP, it's not faire as I can tell you are trying your best for your children.

Worked out the other week that there are 13 weeks school holiday a year, compared to an average 4 weeks A/L. Even in a couple that makes it impossible to cover the whole time and doesn't include inset days and sports days etc. Do what you need to for your little ones and I imagine they'll have a great time learning things and making new friends at camp. I do hope your employer makes it up to you across the year though and understands how you are being an absolute star for their business.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 06/06/2018 20:48

OP you have NO option
And they will be and grow up to be very proud of their Mum who worked so hard

Tough times for you . Speak to manager so this doesn’t happen again Flowers

Kids attend boarading school for longer than 5 weeks as an example
Parents work offshore for 4 week shifts

It’s what some people have to do

Stickerrocks · 06/06/2018 20:51

Apologies, I haven't waded through the whole thread. We used to have a week's holiday together in the summer & DD would spend the rest of her holiday at holiday club. She did so much more there than I would ever have done with her at home and she loved it. Let things like hoovering slide at the weekends and enjoy your days off together, making them special. Can you have a long weekend over the August bank holiday?

Original poster
whatwouldbe · 06/06/2018 21:31

just checked in and - oh wow. this is clearly an emotive issue.

anyhow, thanks for all the kind messages. I won't respond to posters who clearly don't know how lucky they are and how quickly life can change). I am looking forward to some nice weekends with the kids and for the naysayers - I don't work full time (I am not that bad) but do 30h. so my DC aren't totally neclected Grin

OP posts:
Stickerrocks · 06/06/2018 21:32

Businesses where you cannot take time off during school summer holidays: leisure, tourism, some childcare, hotel industry, theme parks, holiday clubs, agriculture to name a few. In my industry (to fit in with client demands) we can't take annual leave at Easter (if it is towards the end of April) May half term, the whole of August or October half term. We are expected to take as much annual leave as possible between 1 December and 28 February.

A decent holiday club is fun & caterers for a wide range of personalities. Definitely not cruel.

Puppymania · 06/06/2018 21:49

Please don't think you are cruel, I did the same and my kids loved it. They will be fine and sometimes we don't have a choice anyway. Please don't stress about it, you are not the only one with little support but we survive.

Skyejuly · 06/06/2018 21:51

They really won't mind. Honestly.

Stopandlook · 06/06/2018 21:53
Flowers
SuperMumTum · 06/06/2018 22:01

This will probably be an unpopular suggestion but if it didn't affect my colleagues too much I would consider having some time off "sick" from work and use it to chill at home with the kids in the garden.

GogoGobo · 06/06/2018 22:03

YA so NBU - it is not cruel and it is a break from school routine and will be loads of fun! Like 10 hours of golden time a day! They are bloody lucky you can send them there. There will be masses of kids sat in the house all day this summer because their parents have to work and can’t afford a holiday club. Your evenings will be lovely with them as you can all chill out and not have to do homework/early nights and yes, save a few special treats if finances allow for the weekend. Enjoy your summer, you sound like an ace mum!

ilovesooty · 06/06/2018 22:05

And another one advocating fraud...

StealthPolarBear · 06/06/2018 22:06

If it wasn't going to affect colleagues she'd have been granted leave

edwinbear · 06/06/2018 22:10

Of course it’s not cruel OP!! Cruel is being unable to feed or house them because you’ve lost your job. By the third week of term they will have forgotten all about it! Mine did exactly the same last Summer as I’d started a new job in July after almost a year out of work.

They suffered no ill effects whatsoever.

SuperMumTum · 06/06/2018 22:17

Not necessarily Stealth. Her boss might just be an arsehole. Anyway, I knew it would be unpopular, just that if I thought it wouldn't be too disruptive I might take a couple of days off with a tummy bug.

Tistheseason17 · 06/06/2018 22:19

What a thread!
I work full time.
I get 6 weeks annual leave but there are 13 weeks school holiday.
I need to pay mortgage so can't take unpaid leave.
My DC love kids club! Sports, crafts and chill time. They love forest school.
When I was a kid, my mum was about.... asleep. She worked nights and we fended for ourselves everyday whilst she slept. She was doing her best for us as she could then, and I'm doing the best I can for my DC now.

I am the GUILT FREE parent of happy children!

Whatever works for YOU and yours! We really should support other mums no matter How They are doing this *

*unless they're left unattended and uncared for!

OnceAponAMum · 06/06/2018 22:22

In the US annual leave is very limited and many children spend summers at camp. No one suggests this is cruel. It's not ideal but you're doing what you have to do and it's not like you are being neglectful. Does it mean you'll be able to take other school holidays off? No one can take all holidays when you work

Bigpizzalover · 06/06/2018 22:26

My children will be in the holiday clubs for the full 6 weeks holiday 8am-6pm 3 days a week - GPS house one day as week and me or dad the other day as we are alternating a day a week off each. It’s what needs to be done, don’t feel bad.

auditqueen · 06/06/2018 22:28

People can try and do as much as they can to have a job with flexibility, but sometimes work does dictate when someone can and cannot take their leave. We're in a similar position this summer in my firm. There's a large project being completed and all hands are needed on deck, so we have been told we can't take any leave during the summer. Most of the time it isn't an issue, this year it is. It just happens sometimes. Like it has for the OP's employer.

Rachie1973 · 06/06/2018 22:32

whatwouldbe

anyhow, thanks for all the kind messages. I won't respond to posters who clearly don't know how lucky they are and how quickly life can change). I am looking forward to some nice weekends with the kids and for the naysayers - I don't work full time (I am not that bad) but do 30h. so my DC aren't totally neclected

Personally I think you're fab :)

Keep that head held high.

ohreallyohreallyoh · 06/06/2018 22:40

You know sometimes I think people are so wrapped up in £££ that they forget children are only young once. There's plenty of time to earn lots of money when they're older and more independent. People are so worried about working that they don't see their little ones and it's sad.
I used to work in a nursery and some children would come in at 7am and stay until 6pm. They'd start as babies, do their first steps there, progress through the rooms and then eventually stay for holiday care...all because their parents worked hard for a big house that they're never in! Or fancy things that they never use because they're always at work (or nursery)

Lots of comments bother me on this thread but this one is particularly galling. What do you think single parents should do? Because I can say with some certainty if the OP had said she was thinking of reducing her hours, there would have been cries of benefit scum and scrounging and the whole how dare she expect the tax payer blah blah blah

But I wonder, quite seriously, if you ever think about the impact of your words. On women reading this, being mentally and/or physically abused by a partner, trying to gather the courage together to leave? Women who are getting their heads around the idea of having less money and being a single parent then read utter shite like this. Some of those women could be your friends, deal8ng with god knows what in secret, desperate for support and they read this.

Sometimes people need for logic to kick in and for support to be unconditional. The lack of even half basic intelligence when it comes to seeing a whole picture is terrifying but sadly no longer surprises me.

I don’t have a big house but the buck stops with me. My children will be in childcare to secure the roof over their heads and food on the table. I am proud and independent and you don’t get to judge me. Some women here should be ashamed.

DillyDilly · 06/06/2018 22:42

But if you work a 30 your week, then surely your kids won’t be in holiday club 8.30-5.30 five days ?

AvoidingDM · 06/06/2018 23:11

Op it's maybe not ideal but it is what it is. 13 weeks into 4 weeks just doesn't go, ie kids have 13 weeks holiday average adults get 4 weeks. So whatever way people spread their holidays kids are in childcare (including Grannies, friends, clubs etc) 9 weeks a year. Just unfortunate that you are stuffed for the 6weeks of summer but I guess it means you'll have time off at other points in the year.

I would be tempted to try and get a weekend away, more for your benefit than the kids. Are you able to get away in October?

The holiday club my DS goes to has something different every single day. They alternate days in, with days out. The days in they do different activities, and days out they go different places.

Winetime0909 · 06/06/2018 23:14

Hi OP if you don't mind asking where abouts in the country are you? My DD is a nanny and her current job is finishing next month. One of the children she is currently looking after is severely disabled and has complex needs, if you still are looking for other options feel free to PM me Flowers

AvoidingDM · 06/06/2018 23:25

Op I've just seen you do 30 hours, could you manage to compress your week so you are doing 4 x 7.5 days or even do a 9 day fortnight? That would let you get your hours in but also let you get some long weekends without interfering with AL.

I appreciate that holiday club generally needs to be paid for full days and you can't always collect them early, If they are on a trip.

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