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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

is it cruel to send the DC for 6 weeks in the Summer hols to the holidays club

966 replies

whatwouldbe · 06/06/2018 05:37

I am unable to get any annual leave over the summer which means DC will have to spend the entire summer school hols (6 weeks) in a holiday club. 8:30 - 17:30.

it wasn't planned like that, I was hoping to get 1 weeks off in between but could not.

Several friends and my mum told me that this is cruel. That the DC need a break and downtime. I have no friends who could have the DC for a few days and no family to help (my mum is ill and cannot physically do it).

DC dad cannot have them either (long backstory).

working from home is not an option in my line of work.

It is not a choice for me. I really wanted to spend a few days with them at home. It's not only shit for them, it's alse shit for me. all friends have nice holidays planned and we cannot even have some chilled days at home. but there is nothing I can do.

please tell me you have done it too and that it is ok. I feel really awful after DM and some friends made these remarks.

OP posts:
hadenough · 06/06/2018 17:47

Yes, I have learnt a lot from this thread - namely some people can't cope when someone else disagrees with them.

I made a perfectly reasonable initial post stating my point of view, but unfortunately, posters such as @Nicknacky aren't able to deal with people who don't agree with their take on the world.

It does leave you wondering why they bother being a member of a forum if they can't cope with a variety of different opinions.

ilovesooty · 06/06/2018 17:52

Your initial post was absolutely unsupportive to the OP.

hadenough · 06/06/2018 17:54

@ilovesooty - I gave my opinion, absolutely nothing unreasonable.

Nicknacky · 06/06/2018 18:05

hardenough Where have I said that everyone has to agree with me? Don't make things up.

I asked you repeatedly what your suggestions were and apart from giving up work you had none.

I also asked how you would be able to prevent this situation happening to you and you also weren't able to provide an answer.

So I haven't actually been able to agree or disageee with you because you refuse to answer. I don't agree that giving up work is the solution but no one agrees with you on that.

ilovesooty · 06/06/2018 18:10

And she's refused to answer several questions from people @Nicknacky.

I find myself wondering why some people are members of forums if all they do is engage in avoidance when people ask them questions for the purposes of clarity.

hadenough · 06/06/2018 18:11

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Roomba · 06/06/2018 18:12

OP, I've had to do this before due to starting a new job just before the holidays. I desperately needed the job and if I'd have told them I needed time off in the first few weeks I wouldn't have been hired, pure and simple.

My kids were absolutely fine, they really enjoyed it. I saw them every evening and every weekend - we planned a few fun things together but just chilled out together most of the weekends. There was plenty of time to chill built into their days at the holiday club - it wasn't all organised activities all day long and they could choose what to do. They made friends and loved the staff. It was fine.

It's very usual for kids to do this in the US (for 12 weeks, often sleeping at camp for that time too) and it seems to work fine there. You're not scarring them for life, you're ensuring they are cared for well, have fun and still get to keep a roof over their heads and the bills paid.

twattymctwatterson · 06/06/2018 18:14

Op please ignore the comments from dickheads who have no idea what it's like to do what you do. You're a single parent, bringing up two kids, one with complex needs and with no support system. You're putting a roof over their heads, food in their stomach and doing it all on your own. You've found an ideal solution to your problem. The fact that some people think that leaving your dc with an untrained teenager or plonking them in a corner in front of a screen for 8 hours a day is a better alternative is fucking laughable. Honestly you sound like superwoman.

purplelass · 06/06/2018 18:15

Saying "I wouldn't have got into this position in the first place" to OP is about as helpful as telling someone asking for directions that they're starting in the wrong place...

Nicknacky · 06/06/2018 18:16

hardenough She didn't ask what you would do, so perhaps it's you that's unable to read?

Noqont · 06/06/2018 18:18

I also pointed out I wouldn't have accepted a job that was inflexible around taking 1 week off during the summer holidays.

How nice that you have the choice to pick and choose what job you'll get. Others don't have that choice. What bit of that don't you understand? So what advice are you actually giving to the op? Or is it all just about you and your lucky circumstances? Smug and not very helpful really eh. Let's hope things don't come crashing down around you which leaves you with less choice. These things can happen to anyone.

Nicknacky · 06/06/2018 18:18

hardenough And pray tell what your earlier thoughts on my job were?

If you aren't willing to say, then why mention it?

CookiesandQueen · 06/06/2018 18:19

What a ludicrous use of the word 'cruelty.' As pp have said, cruelty is causing deliberate harm, which you're not doing. You can't help having to go to work, you're doing the best you can op. I had to go to lots of holiday clubs as a child, I didn't love it but I understand now why I had to go and I did have fun most of the time. Your friends are overreacting and should feel lucky that they're in the position to be able to spend the holidays with their children instead of judging you, there are plenty of parents in the same boat as you. Do what you've got to do, make the most of the weekends, and don't worry.

hadenough · 06/06/2018 18:19

@nicknacky - The OP started a discussion in the AIBU category, and invited responses based on her decision to send her child to a summer camp.

TalkinPeece · 06/06/2018 18:20

American Kids have been going to "Summer Camp" for decades
and the sky has not fallen in

ByeMF · 06/06/2018 18:22

Oh my god you're all still arguing!!

Nicknacky · 06/06/2018 18:22

hardenough She asked if posters had done it and was it ok. She didn't ask what you would do. Try reading in future HTH.

hadenough · 06/06/2018 18:26

@nicknacky - I don't think I'll be taking any lectures from you on reading, writing or comprehension.

Nicknacky · 06/06/2018 18:27

hardenough You do crack me upGrin. I don't know if you mean to be funny but you are.

LightAsTheBreeze · 06/06/2018 18:29

Whats with all the @s, don't most people switch that off. After a couple of emails mine soon went off.

hadenough · 06/06/2018 18:29

@Nicknacky - I'll take that as a compliment. There's enough misery in the world so if I've made you smile or laugh, I'm actually quite happy.

Mummadeeze · 06/06/2018 18:30

Hi OP, I know loads of people have answered but I just want to add a reply too in case it helps to reassure you. Last Summer I put my daughter in two holiday camps and a theatre school. In the week she was at theatre school, she had to get up at 7.30am, commute across London in rush hour, do six or seven hour long classes a day in dance, drama and singing, then commute home across London with me in the evening. It was really full on but she begged me at the end of the week to let her go every day for the whole rest of the Summer. I couldn’t afford to do that as it was expensive but it just shows how much she loved being there. She also loved the time at the normal clubs and as an only child it gave her the chance to mix with other kids. I was lucky enough to be able to take her on holiday as well for two weeks in the Summer but she didn’t have any down time as we were out and about doing things everyday like days out, there was no relaxing. If I hadn’t had been able to get that time off however I would have been comfortable putting her in camp throughout the whole holiday as she came home really happy everyday and we relaxed on the weekends. As long as you find ones they enjoy then do NOT feel bad at all as they will have lots of fun and it won’t do them any harm. Sorry other people have been unsupportive.

Nicknacky · 06/06/2018 18:31

Take it whatever way you want!

ilovesooty · 06/06/2018 18:34

So there's obviously no chance of my very specific question being answered.
I think the Andrew Marr show is missing a weaselling expert.
Or perhaps @hadenough is an MP. Their summer holidays are long enough.

whatsmynametoday · 06/06/2018 18:43

OP I feel you. Also not allowed time off in ANY school holiday. Ever. We do what we have to do. I'm fortunate enough that I've got a support network of sorts so get by with help from family and clubs. It's not ideal, but it is what it is. The kids love it anyway, I think it's harder for me than it is for them!

Summer in kids club isn't cruel, it's so far from being cruel it's unreal. In an ideal world I'm sure we'd all like to work school hours, attend everything and have all the time off with them but life just doesn't work that way.
Don't beat yourself up! A good scheme will have activities but will be child led, if they're not in the mood for something really active then that should be ok and they should be able to chill!

As an aside from this, I know you've said your child has SEN, if you have a budget for them have you looked into getting a PA? A lot of PAs will probably be working with special schemes over summer but I know that there are some in my area that are able and looking to take on Young people in the upcoming months. It might be worth asking if you have a local provider or if you're at a sen school one of the TAs if this is something they can do. Even asking on a local FB page - someone will know someone.

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