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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

is it cruel to send the DC for 6 weeks in the Summer hols to the holidays club

966 replies

whatwouldbe · 06/06/2018 05:37

I am unable to get any annual leave over the summer which means DC will have to spend the entire summer school hols (6 weeks) in a holiday club. 8:30 - 17:30.

it wasn't planned like that, I was hoping to get 1 weeks off in between but could not.

Several friends and my mum told me that this is cruel. That the DC need a break and downtime. I have no friends who could have the DC for a few days and no family to help (my mum is ill and cannot physically do it).

DC dad cannot have them either (long backstory).

working from home is not an option in my line of work.

It is not a choice for me. I really wanted to spend a few days with them at home. It's not only shit for them, it's alse shit for me. all friends have nice holidays planned and we cannot even have some chilled days at home. but there is nothing I can do.

please tell me you have done it too and that it is ok. I feel really awful after DM and some friends made these remarks.

OP posts:
LightAsTheBreeze · 06/06/2018 16:44

Whenever I am shopping in the school holidays, the shops are full of mothers dragging their poor DC round the shops, I bet that’s really exciting for them, I bet they would rather be at holiday club

Nicknacky · 06/06/2018 16:44

Awww shucks clubcuts But I fear that I'm about to get told what is wrong with me and my profession lol!

Thanks aero and ilove too

Clubcuts · 06/06/2018 16:45

@hadenough I think you're making it up as you go along.......

Also who says the police are disrespected? I don't! You might but then with your charmed life you would!!

ilovesooty · 06/06/2018 16:46

I've asked you to confirm you'd do this given the other specific points the OP mentioned and the potential loss of her employment rights.
Any chance you could do that @hadenough?

Eloisedublin123 · 06/06/2018 16:46

You can only do their best, they will be grand x

Nicknacky · 06/06/2018 16:47

hadenough Your only contribution to this thread is to try make the op feel bad about a situation that is outwith her control.

hadenough · 06/06/2018 16:47

I don't live a charmed life. I simply set standards for myself and don't compromise on them - a good work-life balance is one of those.

SleepingStandingUp · 06/06/2018 16:48

@Hadenough tou only spend one week with your kids? I make sure i'm always in a position to spend all 6 weeks. Mine wouldn't want to be carted off to childcare, perhaps yours don't mine though. I mean, after all, my priority is spending all the holiday with them, your priorities are obviously different

Nicknacky · 06/06/2018 16:48

I have a great work life balance. But I don't get school holidays off unless it falls into my leave period. I'm there for drop off, pick up, school plays, sports days etc. It's not all about the holidays.

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 06/06/2018 16:49

Oh do leave @hadenough alone, clearly the air is a bit thin where they are what with riding an extremely leggy high horse.

ilovesooty · 06/06/2018 16:49

So @hadenough would you answer the specific question I asked?

Slightlyperturbedowlagain · 06/06/2018 16:51

Whenever I am shopping in the school holidays, the shops are full of mothers dragging their poor DC round the shops, I bet that’s really exciting for them, I bet they would rather be at holiday club
Exactly. It sucks not being able to take some time off with your DCs but honestly they will be fine, It’s not a salt-mine ffs. Most holiday clubs we’ve used are either centred round a specific activity/sports etc or have a variety of activities and trips and plenty of unstructured ‘chill-out’/play time, replicating the sort of ‘kicking around on the street with the neighbourhood kids’ environment that many of us grew up in.

Nicknacky · 06/06/2018 16:51

that It’s a discussion, one which she is partaking in. You have no issue with her insults towards others though?

YeahILoveSummer · 06/06/2018 16:51

It is so hard. My son will be in summer club for 3 weeks during summer hols and I feel bad. I have no one to watch him. I don't understand what your mum and friend actually expect you to do when you can't take any annual leave. If they say it again ask them the dates they can watch your kids. As someone else said finishing early on a Friday is a good idea. Ask the kids as well what they would like to do at the weekends might help.

Noboozeforme · 06/06/2018 16:56

For the love of god I wish people would read the bloody thread before posting.

OP. You have to do what you need to do. It's not ideal but it's 6 weeks, you will have evenings and weekends.

They might actually have lots of fun, learn some new skills and make friends. They probably won't even remember it in years to come.

hadenough · 06/06/2018 16:57

@NickNacky

I think @thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter was being sarcastic. Obviously it was wasted on you.

I haven't insulted anyone, I've just stated an opinion. You're welcome to disagree.

ByeMF · 06/06/2018 16:58

The thread is 23 pages!! People don't have the time.

Clubcuts · 06/06/2018 16:59

@hadenough yes you have insulted Nicky!

PyongyangKipperbang · 06/06/2018 17:00

God this kind of shit pisses me off!

They stand there slagging you off for your choices, knowing full well it isnt a choice at all, and then offer the square root of fuck all to actually help.

I would bat back any comments with "What do you suggest I do when you know I have no one who can have them at home for me?"

No, its not ideal but needs must and they will be fine. Better 6 weeks at HC than the rent unpaid and no food on the table. They'll be far less bored than they would be after the first few days at home anyway!

WaxOnFeckOff · 06/06/2018 17:01

My DC went to holiday club for the vast majority of the sumer hols plus a week at easter and some time at christmas, every year from when they were about 5 to 13. They are almost 18 and 17 now and great people. They don't resent me or wish they'd had a different time. I used to feel guilty that they didn't have time in the summer to play out with local friends, but they actually still could do that in the evenings and weekends, I used to feel guilty that they still had a packed lunch all summer but then even on days at home we usually had sandwiches. what I am trying to say is that you'll worry more about it than they will, they will have a fab time and not blame you for "ruining" their summer :)

formerbabe · 06/06/2018 17:02

Whenever I am shopping in the school holidays, the shops are full of mothers dragging their poor DC round the shops, I bet that’s really exciting for them, I bet they would rather be at holiday club

I'm a sahm and in the school holidays I still have chores to do, errands to run and housework. Obviously I take my DC out and do activities with them but they still have to occasionally put up with going to the supermarket/bank or amuse themselves whilst I clean the bathroom or run the hoover round. My ds especially would love to go to a holiday club...even though I'm a sahm he still goes to a football club occasionally in the holidays as he really enjoys being active and spending time with other kids.

Nicknacky · 06/06/2018 17:02

hadenough Where was her sarcasm exactly? And carry on implying I’m thick, I can take it.

OuaisMaisBon · 06/06/2018 17:03

@ByeMF - please try and take a couple of minutes (if that) out of your busy life to read the post I addressed directly to you above at 16:14:10. Thank you.

Nicknacky · 06/06/2018 17:03

bye So don’t comment then. It’s unlikely you will say something that someone already hasn’t and it’s just plain rude.

LagunaBubbles · 06/06/2018 17:06

As I have explained on multiple occasions, I am merely saying what I would do. It's up to the OP to decide what she wants to do. I would be looking for a new job because I wouldn't allow myself to be in a position where my employer denied me the opportunity to have at least a week to spend with DC during the summer

The OPs employer is normally reasonable, flexible etc. She hasnt "allowed herself" to be in any position. And no you actually havent said what you would do if a month before the school holidays this became an issue - I dont believe you would walk out of a job with no other job.