is it cruel to send the DC for 6 weeks in the Summer hols to the holidays club

[whatwouldbe]

I am unable to get any annual leave over the summer which means DC will have to spend the entire summer school hols (6 weeks) in a holiday club. 8:30 - 17:30.

it wasn't planned like that, I was hoping to get 1 weeks off in between but could not.

Several friends and my mum told me that this is cruel. That the DC need a break and downtime. I have no friends who could have the DC for a few days and no family to help (my mum is ill and cannot physically do it).

DC dad cannot have them either (long backstory).

working from home is not an option in my line of work.

It is not a choice for me. I really wanted to spend a few days with them at home. It's not only shit for them, it's alse shit for me. all friends have nice holidays planned and we cannot even have some chilled days at home. but there is nothing I can do.

please tell me you have done it too and that it is ok. I feel really awful after DM and some friends made these remarks.

The questions are still there @hadenough.

hadenough I work on set annual leave and this is the first time I'm off during the summer. I have no issue with my employer at all. If parents didn't work during the summer then there would be chaos.

As I say, my priorities mean I wouldn't allow myself to be in this position, but different people have different priorities.

That's got to be up there with one of the most dickhead comments I've heard on MN, imo.

I've responded to the questions @ilovesooty. Is there something else I can help you with? Clearly you value my opinion very much to be so eager to hear my replies.

hadenough several people have asked how you could plan to avoid being a single parent with a disabled child but you can't answer that.

@hadenough

I would not tolerate an employer who couldn't give me at least a week off during the summer holidays.

So you've said numerous times but without saying how you'd fund bills etc?

You haven't answered the specific questions you were asked @hadenough. I thought I'd made that clear.

It's a tough one, but I would have a local babysitter/au pair/university student look after them at home for a week in the middle.
Lots of people out there who'd jump at the extra cash.

I asked whether @hadenough would be seeking to change employment given the OP's exact circumstances and why. She hasn't answered that question.

Oh do get off your high horses. It is totally unreasonable to not allow a single parent holiday leave during the six week summer break. I say this having had my own business and being responsible for employees.
Seriously do you expect people to have time to sit and read every comment on a 19 page thread before giving an opinion? Which OP asked for?

I would always be able to pay the bills because I would always have ensured I had a job which offered me the work-life balance I desire. As I say, that's my priority, but different people have different priorities.

dieu Even If it meant you disabled child wasn’t getting the care that the summer school could offer? Why would you chose that option instead?

@Dieu the OP has covered that already.

I would always be able to pay the bills because I would always have ensured I had a job which offered me the work-life balance I desire. As I say, that's my priority, but different people have different priorities.

But if you were a single parent with a child with special needs would that not change the ability for work life perfection?

Some posters have made me chuckle. I get that it's not a case of you asking for advice in terms of 'solving' not having time off, that is a fact. You have a job, you need the money and shit has happened that means you cannot (regardless of paid or unpaid) have time off over the summer.

I do think it sucks for your kids, those are long days and both will be tired and could do with downtime and family fun days and just enjoying the summer... But it also sucks for you, you should be having downtime, family fun days and just enjoying the summer and your kids... But you can't. There is nothing you can do to fix it, and those that are saying it's cruel sound like they are blaming you or something. That's not on. You are doing everything for your kids, that job pays for your kids to stay warm, safe, fed and clothed. It's not as simple as switching jobs, taking unpaid leave or hiring a nanny or childminder.

My one bit of advice, if you have the headspace for it, is if you want someone to watch them at home for a day here and there have a think about student teachers or similar. I'm on a similar course myself, would love a part-time ad hock job over the summer, plenty of experience in mainstream schools with children (NT & SEN) whilst others on the same course I know for a fact have worked in SEN schools this year for placement. DBS checks have all been done etc. Many education students come into it a bit later in life, so plenty of actual adults (ie not 18) with actual real-life childcare experience. Just so they can have the occasional day at home, without all the other children around them.

But I also think they will survive a summer of holiday club.

@hadenough still parroting and weaselling.

bye in the nicest possible way, why should single parents get priority over school holidays if there is a blanket rule? Why should I have to get care for my child and someone e,she doesn’t because of relationship status?

hadenough hmmm and still you can’t answer. Strange that!

hadenough of you had a disabled child you would probably be using up your holidays for appointments and meetings. You don't get any extra because of having a disabled child.

As I say, my priorities mean I wouldn't allow myself to be in this position, but different people have different priorities.

"That's got to be up there with one of the most dickhead comments I've heard on MN, imo"

Yep, Noqont, you're right, it's right up there with: "I would not tolerate an employer who couldn't give me at least a week off during the summer holidays."

I was stuck with a childminder over the summer holidays as a kid. Hated it. Dull as dishwater, only other kids there were babies and the childminder's teenage sons. Would have preferred a holiday club with lots of kids similar in age. I reckon a childminder may be looked on less favourably by the kids in question.

If you can't do it, you can't do it! Very unhelpful and quite cruel of your friends and DM to say things that could only make you feel even worse.

Mine have had 4 weeks of the summer hols in holiday club in the past and it did the no lasting damage. No, it's not the ideal summer holiday for any of you but needs must! You're providing for your kids financially and by example and that's most important.

Maybe you can put aside one weekend afternoon to do something special each week and another to just curl up with them for a movie chill out. Either way,

I want to echo what other posters have said. It's not an ideal situation and not one you'd choose to be in, but they are being entertained and cared for while you earn money to give them a good home, food and everything else they need. Don't feel guilty because others are criticising. It is your only option.
Finish early when you can and make the most of evenings and weekends.

I pity the people on here who accept rubbish employers, and are missing out on spending time with their DC because they tolerate it, and think it's acceptable.

More fool you.

addy Actually I was going to say that, I have an 11 year old who is bored at the cm and would far rather spend the day with kids of a similar age at holiday club.