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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

is it cruel to send the DC for 6 weeks in the Summer hols to the holidays club

966 replies

whatwouldbe · 06/06/2018 05:37

I am unable to get any annual leave over the summer which means DC will have to spend the entire summer school hols (6 weeks) in a holiday club. 8:30 - 17:30.

it wasn't planned like that, I was hoping to get 1 weeks off in between but could not.

Several friends and my mum told me that this is cruel. That the DC need a break and downtime. I have no friends who could have the DC for a few days and no family to help (my mum is ill and cannot physically do it).

DC dad cannot have them either (long backstory).

working from home is not an option in my line of work.

It is not a choice for me. I really wanted to spend a few days with them at home. It's not only shit for them, it's alse shit for me. all friends have nice holidays planned and we cannot even have some chilled days at home. but there is nothing I can do.

please tell me you have done it too and that it is ok. I feel really awful after DM and some friends made these remarks.

OP posts:
Sleepyblueocean · 06/06/2018 15:19

hadenough yes we've got the message you love your children more than the OP does.

Nicknacky · 06/06/2018 15:19

hadebough Fab retort. Not sure what's wrong with my writing but I was in the school playground at the time I wrote it so apologies if it isn't up to your standard. Fuck knows how I manage to write legal reports and communicate in writing with crown office every day at work.

Clubcuts · 06/06/2018 15:22

@hadenough not many people are running to your defence!

Listen to that!

nellieellie · 06/06/2018 15:24

I’m a SAHM who hates the idea of holiday clubs. But, I cannot believe that your DM and “friends” are telling you it’s cruel to leave them in a holiday club when you have no other option. Just say to your mum “Right. What shall I do then. YOU tell ME” inexcusable. She should be supporting you. You are doing a great job looking after your kids. This summer isn’t what you would choose, but your DCs will be fine, and I hope you have some good weekends together. As for your “friends”, ask them what they would do in your position. Maybe they could babysit for a few days if they think it’s so “cruel”. If I had a friend in that position, I’d be only too happy to help out.

hadenough · 06/06/2018 15:24

@clubcuts The OP invited people to respond with an opinion/viewpoint and so I did. As I say, my priorities mean I wouldn't allow myself to be in this position, but different people have different priorities.

BitchQueen90 - If you're employer is refusing to allow you statutory annual leave then I suggest you pursue legal avenues.

hadenough · 06/06/2018 15:25

your*

Nicknacky · 06/06/2018 15:26

hadenough But still you can't explain how you could avoid being a single mother with a disabled child?

Clearly the op just didn't try hard enough, eh?

Clubcuts · 06/06/2018 15:26

@hadenough you still haven't answered my questions?

You've got no decent response you're not able to give a valid answer!

ilovesooty · 06/06/2018 15:27

More weaselling and avoidance from @hadenough with the repeated implication that others are less loving parents than she is.

Quirkyturkey · 06/06/2018 15:27

You sound like a great mum Op. You're sending your DCs to a holiday club, where they are going to be able to do fun things and make new friends. YOU'RE sad that you can't take the time off to spend with them and I'm sorry you'll miss out, but THEY will be absolutely fine. Hopefully things will work out better for you next year.

Anyone who says you are being cruel is frankly ridiculous!

hadenough · 06/06/2018 15:28

@Nicknacky - Yes, from the sounds of things, the playground is the perfect place for you.

ilovesooty · 06/06/2018 15:28

@Clubcuts she's weaselled out of my question as well. She simply hasn't got an answer that's why.

BitchQueen90 · 06/06/2018 15:29

Hadenough it's a self employed sales position for a company. They're not required to give me annual leave when I'm self employed.

hadenough · 06/06/2018 15:31

Fair enough @BitchQueen90 - I appreciate being self employed is difficult in that regard.

Clubcuts · 06/06/2018 15:33

@ilovesooty doesn't make for a sensible debate does it?

ilovesooty · 06/06/2018 15:34

Not really Grin

SleepingStandingUp · 06/06/2018 15:34

As I say, my priorities mean I wouldn't allow myself to be in this position, but different people have different priorities.

Had you sound like an awesome mum. Please explain how you avoid being a single mum of two kids and how you avoid one of then having sn?

WaxOnFeckOff · 06/06/2018 15:37

I've done 6 weeks out of 8 or 5 out of 7. Needs must. A couple of years I managed to juggle some later days with shorter days so they didn't do all day.

Mine loved it tbh. Not bored at home and the holiday club do have more relaxed areas and do things like Movie afternoons for those that want. Well ours did anyway. Those arriving early had quite a gentle start to the day with breakfast (if they wanted or hadn't had) on the sofa watching tv if they wanted. They do a mix of activities and aren't full on all the time and ours were mostly given choices of things to get involved with. And if they want a game in the park, there are always plenty of people to play with. It's shit that you can't have time off together, but they will be fine. You'll still have lazy weekends and if they've been trips with club, you wont feel obliged to do activities then so those can be total down time.

Nicknacky · 06/06/2018 15:44

hadenough oooh your cutting humour is a great avoidance tactic!

There is one person being childish here and it certainly ain't me.....

ByeMF · 06/06/2018 15:44

We're not the ones to answer that question. Only you know how your kids will cope with it.
Can your friends have them for one day a week? It'll give the kids a bit of down time. Tbh if it were me i'd me taking some sick days. I would never have expected an employee to work the entire summer holidays.
And no, I have not read the entire 17 page thread cus, you know, life.

ilovesooty · 06/06/2018 15:45

Another one suggesting fraudulent sick leave...

Nicknacky · 06/06/2018 15:46

bye clearly you are far too busy to read it but it is helpful rather than clog up the thread by posting things that the op had addressed already and has had to repeat as people are to busy to even just read her posts, never mind the 17 pages.

And way to go, encourage her to commit fraud and risk losing her job. Splendid idea, wish someone had suggested it!

PolkaHots · 06/06/2018 15:47

I’m another in the ‘the only cruel people in this situation are the ones calling you cruel’

hadenough · 06/06/2018 15:47

I agree @ByeMF.

I would not tolerate an employer who couldn't give me at least a week off during the summer holidays.

RideOn · 06/06/2018 15:48

It is really not cruel. It really is ok.

In the one I sent DCs to, they did watch films, water fights, crafts. They enjoyed the days there and were very familiar with it.

The weekends can be both your and their downtime. Don't feel pressured at the weekends to do a lot of "activities" as they will have done these in the week and you can do some day trips together or quiet days at home.