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Original poster

is it cruel to send the DC for 6 weeks in the Summer hols to the holidays club

966 replies

whatwouldbe · 06/06/2018 05:37

I am unable to get any annual leave over the summer which means DC will have to spend the entire summer school hols (6 weeks) in a holiday club. 8:30 - 17:30.

it wasn't planned like that, I was hoping to get 1 weeks off in between but could not.

Several friends and my mum told me that this is cruel. That the DC need a break and downtime. I have no friends who could have the DC for a few days and no family to help (my mum is ill and cannot physically do it).

DC dad cannot have them either (long backstory).

working from home is not an option in my line of work.

It is not a choice for me. I really wanted to spend a few days with them at home. It's not only shit for them, it's alse shit for me. all friends have nice holidays planned and we cannot even have some chilled days at home. but there is nothing I can do.

please tell me you have done it too and that it is ok. I feel really awful after DM and some friends made these remarks.

OP posts:
hadenough · 06/06/2018 14:58

@ApplesTheHare

As you will see from my post, I acknowledged I am in a lucky position. I really value having a strong work-life balance, and being able to spend time with my family - it will always be my primary consideration when making career choices.

@Nickynacky - you appear to be unable to comprehend what I post. I never advised the OP to quit her job - I stated what I would do in her position. As I am not the OP, it isn't for me to dictate what she should or should not do. As she asked for opinions, I gave my opinion.

@ilovesooty - I wouldn't allow myself to be in this position in the first place, because as I have pointed out, I wouldn't accept a job which couldn't guarantee me at least a week over the summer to spend with DC.

ilovesooty · 06/06/2018 14:58

@mostdays well said.
I have a feeling that @hadenough won't be answering the specific question I asked. Hmm

ilovesooty · 06/06/2018 14:59

Cross post

I see you're still not answering the question

liquidrevolution · 06/06/2018 15:00

I don't know why you are getting such a hard time here OP HmmConfused

You are doing the best you can in exceptional circumstances. I would try and keep your weekends together low key so your DC get the downtime they need. If you can do some long weekends then that will be great.

My mum also raised my DSis and I with no help. She couldn't afford holiday clubs for all of the summer holidays and the free church ones were only a week long. I remember one particularly fascinating week I spent sat in the storeroom of the local newagents. (Nb: I am quite old and this was a good option in the 70s. Plus I liked reading the comics)

Nicknacky · 06/06/2018 15:00

hadenough I have no issues with my comprehension, I did stick in at school, do if your comments are irrelevant, why post them apart from to make the op feel worse? Her question was "is it cruel?

funinthesun18 · 06/06/2018 15:01

Still can't work out why some people are getting so worked up about people sending their children to holiday club.
If you have a job with hours that mean you have the choice whether you do or you don't send them then great good for you and I'm sure you are doing the best for your children.
However you need to accept the fact that some families have to work during the school holidays and the children need to be looked after. Those families are doing the best for their children. It is not cruel taking them to holiday club in order to make sure they are well looked after when their parents aren't available to do so. Pulling a sicky is not an option because the children rely on their parents to work so they can have a home to live in and have food on the table. But hey, I guess spending the day making daisy chains in the back garden with mummy will make it worth it?

Just concentrate on your own lives ffs.

Mindovermatter1625 · 06/06/2018 15:02

What about looking for a childminder or a nanny who could come to your house and explain that you want the children to have some time to chill out rather than rushing about where possible

Nicknacky · 06/06/2018 15:03

hadenough I don't have holidays off routinely. I got my job when I was 24, long before I had kids so don't make out it's a lack of forward planning that got her in this position. She wasn't to know them that her kids dad couldn't help or get child would be disabled.

Or maybe you are just a far better parent and person than the rest of us?

Mindovermatter1625 · 06/06/2018 15:03

Agree with funinthesun

Gizlotsmum · 06/06/2018 15:03

Honestly they will be fine. It can’t be helped. Could you do shorter days at all? It’s horrid when you can’t get leave but they can have chilled weekends

Nicknacky · 06/06/2018 15:03

mind perhaps read the thread or at least the op's posts to save her repeating herself.

hadenough · 06/06/2018 15:04

@Nickynacky - maybe your comprehension is better than your writing.

Clubcuts · 06/06/2018 15:05

@hadenough you would in the OPs position quit your job?

Again how would you pay mortgage and feed your children?

ilovesooty · 06/06/2018 15:09

So according to @hadenough the OP should be looking for a more flexible job despite the facts that
She has never been in this position before
She doesn't expect a repetition
Her employer is generally ok
She gets flexibility for appointments and emergencies for her child who has a disability Hmm

hadenough · 06/06/2018 15:10

As I have explained @Clubcuts, I would never have allowed myself to be in this position to begin with.

If I were the OP, I would be looking for other employment options to enable me to have a better work-life balance. I'm not the OP though, it is for her to decide how she manages her life. She opened a discussion about her situation and invited responses, and so of course people have responded.

Fairyflaps · 06/06/2018 15:11

It's not cruel.

And thank goodness for holiday clubs, so your children can be safe, looked after and entertained, and you are able to keep your job. The club leaders usually go out of their way to provide a fun range of activities for the children. They will get to do a lot more than children at home would do (so you don't need to fill the weekends or evenings with activities).

MysweetAudrina · 06/06/2018 15:13

My kids will have 9 weeks summer holidays so they will go to summer camps for 4 weeks and I am able to take the rest off. If they had to go for 6 weeks they would. Mine are already picking out the camps they want to attend and are excited for them.

Kids are in school all day and no one thinks that is cruel. Camps are much better fun than school and they will love it.

They may have a few off days, or get sick of it, or be tired but none of those things make it cruel or bad for them.

It is unfortunate for you and the kids that you won't get to spend time together over the summer to bond and chill out but it is only 6 weeks and you can do something special with them later on in the year if you feel they or you have missed out on anything.

I would relax about housework and chores over the summer weekends and try and just do things like the beach or parks with picnics and spend good quality time with them then thats not too hectic but is still enjoyable.

hadenough · 06/06/2018 15:13

Well @ilovesooty, things such as having flexibility for appointments and emergencies for a child with a disability are the very least I would expect in employment. Human decency dictates it shouldn't be an issue.

As I say, I choose jobs very carefully to ensure the things I prioritise are met. That's just how I choose to work things - different people have different priorities.

ilovesooty · 06/06/2018 15:13

I expect @hadenough you could hold your own on the Andrew Marr show with this level of avoidance.

Gazelda · 06/06/2018 15:16

It's not cruel. You are making sure they are looked after at a place they feel safe and happy, while you have to work to ensure the bills get paid.

They will have a grand time. Do as little housework over the 6 weeks as possible, spend every spare moment having fun.

Make the most of the light evenings by visiting the park after work or doing a BBQ or midnight (10pm) feasts.

If you have any spare money, splurge it on weekend treats and outings.

You're doing good your best. Your family and mum are being unhelpful.

Clubcuts · 06/06/2018 15:16

@hadenough
*
As I have explained @Clubcuts, I would never have allowed myself to be in this position to begin with*

So you'd never become a single parent? No matter what? No matter that your husband could be a really bad example to your children? How would you avoid having a child with additional needs? Which is also contributing greatly to the situation.

Be very careful, you never know what's round the corner.........let's hope you receive the same empathy you give.

Let's hope your surrounded by unhelpful friends and family!

You didn't answer the question again!!!!!! How when you handed your notice in would you pay mortgage and food bills? Any chance you can answer that???

You go from I'd resign to I wouldn't be in that position!

SleepingStandingUp · 06/06/2018 15:16

I really value having a strong work-life balance, and being able to spend time with my family yeah, no one loves their kids as much as you do
I would never have allowed myself to be in this position to begin with.
Which ones? The one where she has a child with disabilities who can't simply be looked after by just any body? The one with the Dad she didn't psychically know wouldn't be there for them X no of years down the line? Or the one off chance that her great boss, who is normally really flexible, simply cannot give her time off this year even though she did last year?
Which bit exactly is it you think is ops own fault?

If only she loved them as much as you loved yours eh

BitchQueen90 · 06/06/2018 15:17

Well when your options are limited you have to accept whatever job you can hadenough. I had to accept a position where I get no annual leave at all, the alternative was remain on benefits. Sometimes we don't get the luxury of choice.

ilovesooty · 06/06/2018 15:17

Way to go to make the OP feel like shit @hadenough

Lots of jobs don't offer better flexibility than the OP has in case you hadn't noticed. Why should she be looking for another job when she generally has a decent employer, doesn't expect a repetition of this situation and would have to lose the employment rights and job security she's built up?

OuaisMaisBon · 06/06/2018 15:18

hadenough - imagine, if you will, being the single parent of your two children, one who has special needs, with no partner or support network around you at all and having to work in a full-time job in order to keep a roof over your children's heads, in a job-market where it is difficult to find a company who will support you and be flexible when you have to take time off for your child's doctor's appointments. THEN can you state categorically that you would never take a job which didn't let you have time off during the school summer holidays?