is it cruel to send the DC for 6 weeks in the Summer hols to the holidays club

[whatwouldbe]

I am unable to get any annual leave over the summer which means DC will have to spend the entire summer school hols (6 weeks) in a holiday club. 8:30 - 17:30.

it wasn't planned like that, I was hoping to get 1 weeks off in between but could not.

Several friends and my mum told me that this is cruel. That the DC need a break and downtime. I have no friends who could have the DC for a few days and no family to help (my mum is ill and cannot physically do it).

DC dad cannot have them either (long backstory).

working from home is not an option in my line of work.

It is not a choice for me. I really wanted to spend a few days with them at home. It's not only shit for them, it's alse shit for me. all friends have nice holidays planned and we cannot even have some chilled days at home. but there is nothing I can do.

please tell me you have done it too and that it is ok. I feel really awful after DM and some friends made these remarks.

So, sorry Hissy but you think 6 weeks of full time holiday club is the best possible thing for any child in any situation? Rather than the best possible thing for these children in this situation? Not sure the OP would agree with you there - she would ideally have liked some time off remember?

If you have no choice there is no much you can do. Friends and family making judgements should offer to look after them.

If you get sick or your children you will have to take tiime off? Can you call off sick for a week? Not suggesting you or your children get sick

My husband used to spend most of his holidays in clubs (his parents got Christmas and the same 2 weeks at summer). He is critical of much of his parenting but he's very strongly in favour of holiday clubs - he has very happy memories of them

It could you hire a student to look after them in the house and so a few outings some days? This may be cheaper than holiday clubs.

Obviously you would rather be at home things can't be helped I'm in the same boat.
My dd loves holiday club. Park everyday with friends, trips out, baking and crafts. You will bring them home knowing they have had an active productive day. Mite not be a family day out to the safari but plenty fresh air and activities all count. A lot of kids will spend half the holidays glued to a screen so...

kerry The op’s child has complex special needs if that was your child who would you rather look after them? An organisation experienced in this area or a teenagers with none.

It’s as stupid an idea as the sickie suggestion.

Well Almost, for op its not a choice, its either child goes to holiday clubs and has a roof over their heads, food to eat, and hot water to have a bath in, that is more important. I am sure the op children would hate being homeless and starving more than holiday club for a short while.

yes Kerry that has also been mentioned, but is not an option.

Tell them to fuck off - kids will be fine - what else can you do if you can't take time off

Tbh what difference does it make whether an au pair looks after the child or they go to holiday club, op still is not going to be with them as she has to work. Due to her dc complex needs, it is better that they go to an experienced holiday club, than a student who does not have a clue. I would be worried sick whilst I was at work.

I think you know the answer to your question.

Try and make the most of the weekends op. You have to do what you have to do. I don't think it's cruel. Its not as though they're doing school work the entire time. Holiday clubs are meant to be fun. They can have downtime at the weekend.

Aw, if you have no choice there's nothing you can do.
Tell anyone who criticises you they are welcome to help.

Your dc will be fine and it isn't cruel.
Can you choose provider or are you stuck to just one?
Maybe find out where their friends go, and check the usual activities they do and what one offs they have planned.

My friend works in a holiday club and have just asked her about down time. She said they are welcome to sit out of activities, take their own book or something quiet to do if they want quiet times.
They don't have to be joining in all the time.

If you don’t have a choice that’s the end of it.

I honestly can't believe the smug stupidity of some people on here. I work part time. I only have to look at my salary and then look at my bank account to realise that I can only do this because there is someone else in the household helping me to pay the bills. If he wasn't there, I'd be working full time. I wouldn't be bringing my kids up on my basket weaving 'business' or 'healthcare' business that I could miraculously do while 7 children marauded round the house. I'd have to put food on the table myself. That would involve actually having a job that paid me actual money, and not getting sacked from that job by pulling sickies in the school holidays when I've been refused leave. I suppose If have plenty of quality time in a bedsit with my children if we were evicted too.

My dd begs to stay in after school care every day. I finds it quite strange as she doesn’t have to go.
Personally I find children like being with other children. Like pp have said, make sure you do minimal activities at weekend. They’ll survive. Definitely have some kind of back up plan for if they get sick though . I worked very very long hours when dd was born and looking back I wish I’d put more effort into taking unpaid leave instead of saying I couldn’t. When she got sick and I had to take a rain check I realised how much id missed. My employer was completely unsupportive but that only made me realise further what a shit situation I was in and I worked to get out of it (there are supportive employers too)

I hope it works for you OP. I’m not judging you, I’ve been there and you care enough to question your actions. But really I do regret not being there more and I wanted to say that because there normally is an option it’s just some are more difficult than others.

It’s not ideal but holiday clubs aren’t the same as school.

I
Wouldn’t feel too bad.

Could you find a local student for the some of the time as it might be cheaper and more relaxing?

It's not ideal, but it's not cruel.

Cruel would be leaving them at home on their own or dragging them into work where they had to be quiet and stay out of everyone's way.

They'll have plenty of fun at holiday club. Yes it's a long day but it's not work, it's play, and if they want to sit quietly with a book sometimes that should be fine.

You've tried everything available and you can't do it. Don't beat yourself up about it, just plan some lovely weekends and start campaigning your boss to be a bit more flexible next year! Maybe with enough notice they can get a temp in to cover your role?

I think it is cruel. If my mum had sent me to 'holiday club' for 6 weeks I'd have been really upset.

had So what helpful suggestions do you have for the op?

I'm not sure why people STILL insist on finding a student or an au pair! How is it better for a child with complex needs to be on their own at home with an 18 year old they have never met than in a group setting with qualified staff and organised activities?

If people RTFT they would be aware that the OP has booked October half term off already.

@Nicknacky I'd try and look for a job with greater flexibility. The summer holidays are a really important opportunity to spend time with DC so it'd always be my top priority to make it work.

This probably isn't ideal but what in life is? It sounds like you are doing a lot on your own and working so try to focus on how much you are doing for your kids not what you're not. I think making the evenings and weekends special but relaxed would be lovely. Longer term could you look at a more accommodating job?

How is "finding a local teenager/student" a better solution than holiday club? I would rather chew my arm off than find some random teenager to look after my children for the day whether I know them or not.