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Original poster

is it cruel to send the DC for 6 weeks in the Summer hols to the holidays club

966 replies

whatwouldbe · 06/06/2018 05:37

I am unable to get any annual leave over the summer which means DC will have to spend the entire summer school hols (6 weeks) in a holiday club. 8:30 - 17:30.

it wasn't planned like that, I was hoping to get 1 weeks off in between but could not.

Several friends and my mum told me that this is cruel. That the DC need a break and downtime. I have no friends who could have the DC for a few days and no family to help (my mum is ill and cannot physically do it).

DC dad cannot have them either (long backstory).

working from home is not an option in my line of work.

It is not a choice for me. I really wanted to spend a few days with them at home. It's not only shit for them, it's alse shit for me. all friends have nice holidays planned and we cannot even have some chilled days at home. but there is nothing I can do.

please tell me you have done it too and that it is ok. I feel really awful after DM and some friends made these remarks.

OP posts:
Orangepear · 06/06/2018 12:38

YY to American sleep away camps, I used to work at one. The children used to see their parents a handful of times over the summer. They make great friends and count down until going again the next year.

Can you take a short lunch break so you can start work half an hour later every day? (Or finish early, but I know my children would prefer a lie in!).

SleepingStandingUp · 06/06/2018 12:55

sweet So you have a part time job where your seven kids can go and play in the garden all day without you supervising them? And some level of other finance to accommodate that part time job. Lucky you.

How does that help OP who has one child with complex care needs that may well involve tube feeds etc that need to be done by an adult at numerous times a day, mobility issues that may mean they need full adult supervision and that's without even adding in their ages, and who in all likelihood doesn't work somewhere with a large garden and an accommodating boss who'll less then run round the garden all day

SleepingStandingUp · 06/06/2018 12:56

Op yanbu. You can't just quit work for the sake of a few weeks holiday, you can't lock them a cupboard at home, at holiday club they'll be cared for and entertained. I would def book Oct holiday off now and try to get away for a few days

smilethoyourheartisbreaking · 06/06/2018 12:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BlueBug45 · 06/06/2018 13:12

OP I use to go to a holiday club as a child because, while I had older siblings who would do the care for me between them, I was bored at home. I found it fun. For some strange reason it was free to go to at the time except for the weekly trips you had to pay for.

Years later I was one of the team leaders for one. Talking to some of the children going to the holiday club for 2-3 weeks, going to the club was their summer holiday. The rest of the time they spent at home just playing.

The cost of this club - which had been going on since I was a child and is still run - is far more expensive than all the others I've seen but included the weekly trips.

This club has facilities for children to lie down in the day or do quiet things.

There were also one/two disabled children who came who had a carer assigned to them each. Others with mild disabilities were treated like normal (whatever that means), and had a sibling or friend who would look out for them. Though generally each group of children would look out for each other after the first half day. This meant if someone was upset you would be notified very quickly.

PenelopeChipShop · 06/06/2018 13:22

They will be fine, OP, if you have no choice then please don’t beat yourself up about it. I’m a single parent and working a lot over the summer too - more than I want to - but it is what it is and I use holiday clubs too. My situation is much luckier than yours as I have help, and and a more understanding employer, but I do sympathise as sometimes you’re just between a rock and a hard place. Make the weekends count and be kind to yourself.

My one bit of unsolicited advice though - make friends. Chat to the other school mums at parties/parents eve/the gate/wherever and try to build a network. (Or other mums at the holiday club even!) Being able to do ‘exchanges’ with other mums can be a valuable form of childcare and the kids are happy if they get on with the other kids. This is something I do sometimes. Good luck x

Sugarplumps · 06/06/2018 13:26

I can't believe so many posters are giving you a hard time. I am American and school holidays are much much longer. I spent every day at the ymca holiday club during working hours plus a month at sleepaway camp. I loved it and I am a well rounded human being. I plan to send my DD to every possible holiday club as soon as she is in school and to the same sleepaway camp I attended, which starts at age 9. Do what you have to do, kids are resilient and they will have a great time playing all day.

drspouse · 06/06/2018 13:27

I would love to have a) a part time job with a garden for DCs to run around in and b) DCs who would just run around all day and not bother anybody and allow me to get on with my work.

Reality if I took my DCs to work would be that one of them would spend most of the day on a screen in my office and the other one would run around breaking things.

They would have a much, much better time at the holiday club.

I'm also a Guider and the Brownies in my old unit would beg their parents to go to holiday club even if the parent was not working.

Nicknacky · 06/06/2018 13:27

I’m surprised that any workplace will allow 7 children on the premises while the parent is supposed to be working!

drspouse · 06/06/2018 13:27

Penelope it sounds like the OPs' DC has more severe needs than mine but despite actually having, you know, some friends, I wouldn't foist my DS on any of them for a full day.

Hissy · 06/06/2018 13:28

the holiday clubs my DC go to have Zorbs, go karts, swimming pools, camp outs overnight, survival training, archery, you name it.

He has A BALL! As soon as I'd sent him to one when I first went FT and he was about 6, when I asked him about the day camp he said that he loved it, he got to play all day. Less keen now as he's a pre-teen x-boxer, but he'll go if there are kids his age, but then you have to find holiday clubs that up the ante and do stuff older kids like to do. This year we'll have a couple of weeks away as a family and then he'll have a couple of weeks in holiday activities - one is a survival course, the other is activities in and around a local lake.

I am furious that there are so many pathetic and patronising little comments about 'cruel', it's not ideal, 'you're doing your best...' 'You can't take the time off, so be it..', 'what a rubbish situation to be in..'

I could go on, but my blood pressure won't take it.

I say again FTFO, the lot of you with your off the fucking charts levels of delusion.

the utter twats who trot this shit out to make a perfectly normal and actually BRILLIANT idea for kids to do in the holidays seem like parental failure are the exact same twats who come on here at the end of August bleating about how they can't wait for the kids to go back to school cos they're being driven up the wall with the "i'm booooorred" coming from their offspring.

And cruel as a few of you are saying? Cruel? Get to fuck and get some understanding of the word. Do you know what cruel means? I work with adults whose parents were "cruel" to them as children. Starved, neglected, abused physically and emotionally and sexually etc...thats "cruel"...looked after in a safe caring environment for 6 weeks is cruel?!!

lagunaBubbles This. Absolutely this.

bibliomania · 06/06/2018 13:38

They'll be fine, OP. My dd goes to kids' club a lot over the summer, and as an only child, I think it's good for her. She moans, because she'd stay indoors watching endless reruns of Friends if she got her way.

Your dcs will be safe, fed, and will have children their own age to play with. That's golden. Let go of the guilt.

stopgap · 06/06/2018 13:42

Where I live (including the stay-at-home parents) many kids ages 8+ will be shipped off to sleepaway camp for eight weeks. Now that I think is pretty intense.

If you have to work and can’t get time off, you have to work—it’s just one of those things.

Luisa27 · 06/06/2018 13:43

I’d never do this

SleepingStandingUp · 06/06/2018 13:45

So what would you do Luisa?

tomhazard · 06/06/2018 13:45

I work part time and the reason for that is my children. I don't think it's right sorry.
*
Pompom42* have you considered that not everyone can work part time. Lucky you that you can do so and then get on your high horse over posts like this.
Holiday club is games and activities and fun, not prison camp.

Clubcuts · 06/06/2018 13:48

@Luisa27, what's the alternative?

KatherinaMinola · 06/06/2018 13:49

Why is it off-the-chart delusion to think it's not ideal for DC to be in holiday club f/t for 6 weeks, Hissy?

"An opinion I don't agree with" - sure. But "off-the-chart-delusion" - really? Confused

bigKiteFlying · 06/06/2018 13:49

It's the best solution you have - no one finding fault is offering anything else.

Most of the children in holiday clubs near us seem to be having a lot of fun - there is no resaon to think your children won't love it.

Presumably you'll get to spend some time in other school holidays next school year with them half terms, Easter Christmas, inset days.

It may not be ideal or what you really want but it certainly isn't cruel.

AlmostAJillSandwich · 06/06/2018 13:52

I remember holiday club when i was a kid, i HATED it.
Part of what i didn't like about school was being forced to be around kids i didn't like. Some too noisy, others bossy who wanted it all their way, some were just mean.
It also doesn't give them a break from having to get up at a structured time, go out all day, and then come home and the same routine as during school, early nights etc. There's no sense of an actual break, no relaxed routine, no spontaneous staying up a bit later or sleeping in etc.

All it does is switch doing actual school work to doing other activities, likely chosen for them, with the same over stimulation, noise, kids they don't like/want to play with, still got rules etc.

megletthesecond · 06/06/2018 13:53

Not cruel. They'll be kept busy, hardly up chimneys.

Can you get Oct half term booked off now? I'm a LP and plan my annual and unpaid leave way in advance.

BlitheringIdiots · 06/06/2018 13:54

It's not cruel. Please don't worry

My son has been in holiday club every summer since reception four days a week 8-5.30 and he's a happy soul

He's now in senior school and there are no holiday clubs for his age for those hours so it's a jiggle but luckily we can each take time off and can work from home a bit

PGL is a good thing too. Look into it. You can get BOGOF sometimes. Our son goes for a week each summer to break up holiday club (when he was of an age he could go, not now of course)

Ignore posters and people in RL who accuse you of being cruel.

Good luck.

MyDcAreMarvel · 06/06/2018 13:54

Youvealwaysbeen requesting a week parental leave is different to a day.
Also having a disabled child employees should be much more inclined to allow.

Nicknacky · 06/06/2018 13:55

almost So what do you suggest the op does then?

AlmostAJillSandwich · 06/06/2018 13:56

Hissy, plenty of school holiday clubs arent the action and adventure sort like that though, which i assume are pretty majorly expensive too.

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