is it cruel to send the DC for 6 weeks in the Summer hols to the holidays club

[whatwouldbe]

I am unable to get any annual leave over the summer which means DC will have to spend the entire summer school hols (6 weeks) in a holiday club. 8:30 - 17:30.

it wasn't planned like that, I was hoping to get 1 weeks off in between but could not.

Several friends and my mum told me that this is cruel. That the DC need a break and downtime. I have no friends who could have the DC for a few days and no family to help (my mum is ill and cannot physically do it).

DC dad cannot have them either (long backstory).

working from home is not an option in my line of work.

It is not a choice for me. I really wanted to spend a few days with them at home. It's not only shit for them, it's alse shit for me. all friends have nice holidays planned and we cannot even have some chilled days at home. but there is nothing I can do.

please tell me you have done it too and that it is ok. I feel really awful after DM and some friends made these remarks.

Tbf Jing, the thread is now 13 pages long! A lot of people are MNing in their coffee break and are trying to offer a quick bit of advice to a fellow WOHP I expect.

I think there is quite a bit of helpful advice and a few good things to think about on this thread. Not everything will suit the OP's situation, but might help someone else.(Though having read some of the thread now, I think the OP just wanted to be told her plan is OK, rather than getting alternative suggestions.)

I do think looking to get another job in future might be wise - because although 6 weeks at holiday camp won't scar the DC, what happens if the boss says the same thing next year, and the year after, and every school holiday after that?

Sweet - so your suggestion to the OP, who has to work full time to support her children financially, one of whom has additional needs, is:
Find a much better paid job so she only needs to work minimally, somewhere that has a big garden so she can bring her children with her and they can run around and play?

Did you honestly think that was a helpful suggestion?

wizzy
It is a scheme run by the council and is inclusive. About 30% have SN.

Did you see this post? It’s just you didn’t respond in your last post.

MyDcAreMarvel

As the parent of a disabled child assuming in receipt of dla you are legally entitled to request individual days of unpaid pare tap leave.
I would suggest a request just two days preferably the Thursday and Tuesday of the August bank holiday weekend.

I do hope this information was helpful.

OP, my Mum is a single Mum and I usually spent holidays between grandparents and holiday clubs. I was bored stiff with my grandparents most of the time (not their fault, grandfather disabled and grandmother his carer).

Honestly, holiday clubs were my favourite days and I was always keen to do an extra day.

If you can get away early on Fridays to get more time with them then definitely do that. Try for annual leave during the next couple of half terms too.

Otherwise, you're doing what you need to do and they will be absolutely fine. Just make sure weekends are lazy.

Hey the bottom line is its not ideal but looking at the bigger picture its 6 weeks a year thats all. Keeping a roof over your children's heads is far far more important.
When your children are older they will realise what a hard working dedicated mum you are and realise the value of working.

Mummyoflittle, OP has had her leave request refused for business reasons which means she won't be able to take unpaid leave either as there is no capacity for her to be away from her job. She's already explained this.

Btw an employer can absolutely refuse a leave request - in fact, an employer can dictate when exactly an employee takes their leave, down to the last hour, so there is nothing for the OP to complain to HR about.

You're doing your best.You can't take the time off, so be it. You're keeping a roof above his head and providing for him. It will be fine, holiday clubs are not like school - they get to play and he'll make friends.

The only thing I'd suggest is perhaps to try different clubs? eg horse riding, general sports, something more relaxing - so it's a bit more interesting for him. But cost might be prohibitive.

Either way, your friends and family are not helpful - don't beat yourself up about it. Guilt-tripping single mums is not on.

What's the problem? My parents sent me to one every summer growing up, and I loved it! Lots of fun stuff to do with other kids. Nothing like school.

whatwouldbe people who think this is cruel want their heads examined. You are not sending them away to a residential borstal.

You are sending your children to a professional holiday day camp during the weekdays whilst you are at work. One that is tried and tested and liked your children, where they will have checked, insured and trained staff dedicated to keeping them safe and entertained and a place they are familiar with and have enjoyed being at in the past.

I had similar circumstances (no family to help) at times when my children were younger and had some childcare that turned out to be utterly useless or inadequate and in the end I had to turn down work, which was very hard. The only reliable, good quality childcare that I did eventually find was a holiday club. It was reliable and trustworthy and my children loved it. When I was a child, my mother worked and left me and my sister (14) alone at home with nothing to do throughout the entire summer holidays. I would have absolutely adored to go to a summer camp.

There's some lovely suggestions on here about maybe breaking up the time in various ways and you have evenings and weekends with them where there's no school responsibilities and you can spend your time as you please and have "downtime" then.

I think you are doing a great job, sorting all this out in advance and thinking it through as to how you can make it as good as possible in difficult work circumstances, for your children. Ignore the mean comments. I also think you deserve a medal.

The holiday club sounds really good OP, especially as it is inclusive for all children so they can both go together, I don't think you would find better childcare and you have the half term off to look forward to

@Alienspaceship

It's hardly cruel. What an unhelpful comment.

Perhaps OPs wages far outweigh the cost of holiday camp, therefore couldn't afford to take it unpaid. There are other household/life expenses too.

Youvealwaysbeen
Yes I saw that at the beginning of the thread. I assume Marvel did too. But as it was a specific point made by Marvel as a parent in receipt of dla for their child stating the employer has to approve leave. I have been wondering if there was any provision for this type of situation under the equality act. I just wanted to highlight it in case it helps. Maybe not though.

Should have RTFT. but stand by my comment!

OP you work hard, and you're a positive role model for your children. Sure, it would be great to have time off with them over the summer holidays, but it can't happen, and you're planning a great alternative for them.

If you could get time off, you would. But you can't. Don't beat yourself up about it, they won't be the only ones in their position over summer. That's what the clubs are for!

You know sometimes I think people are so wrapped up in £££ that they forget children are only young once. There's plenty of time to earn lots of money when they're older and more independent.

Said by someone who clearly has zero clue or ability to empathise with other people in different circumstances from themselves. Its not about earning "lots" of money. Its about earning enough to look after yourself and your children.

I've not read all the replies because the first page replies irritated me massively. I don't get those people who are saying it's unfair and cruel on the kids - what do you OP should do with them? Leave them at home alone? Also people keep going on about taking unpaid leave and ignoring the fact that she can't. The law says you can take time off unpaid but it also says this time has to be approved by your employer. If the company are so desperate for OP to work that week that they won't approve annual leave then they won't agree to unpaid leave even if OP could afford it. People seemed to be deliberately ignoring that.

OP don't let anyone in real life or on here make you feel bad. You're working hard to give your kids a good life and sometimes that means that sacrifices have to be made. Unless someone is offering an alternative they should keep their mouth shut. The summer before last my nanny handed in her notice and left us at the end of July. That meant my kids had to spend 5 weeks going to holiday clubs every day. It didn't even cross my mind to feel guilty - I had to work, there was absolutely zero alternative and I was paying good money to ensure they would be well looked after while I worked. I remember having to do the same when I was younger and my mum was working - that's life. Yes it's probably full on doing long days as kids but they have the weekends off and regardless - there is no other option. It's like people expect OP to magic up some form of childcare from nowhere. Please don't let people make you feel bad about working hard to provide for your kids. Not everyone has family nearby that they can use for childcare. Xxx

And cruel as a few of you are saying? Cruel? Get to fuck and get some understanding of the word. Do you know what cruel means? I work with adults whos parents were "cruel" to them as children. Starved, neglected, abused physically and emotionally and sexually etc...thats "cruel"...looked after in a safe caring envirnoment for 6 weeks is cruel?!!

Sweet not everyone is working full time just to pay for a big house and holidays. Some people are working all the hours god sends just to pay bills and put food on the table. What is so difficult to understand about that?

If you have 7 kids and only a part time job I'm guessing you get benefit top ups? Or did you have investments/the additional income of a partner that meant you didn't need to do that? Because for a lot of us on one income it's either rely on benefit top ups or work full time.

As the parent of a disabled child assuming in receipt of dla you are legally entitled to request individual days of unpaid pare tap leave.

I know I can request single days rather than just whole weeks but it still needs to be approved and I cannot get leave approved over the Summer. this is nothing do you with the equality act. I know my rights and what I can enforce and what not.

Also the holiday club that my kids went to has a room set aside for kids that needed to rest. It had some camp beds with pillows and blankets in an area where they had blacked out the windows for kids who actually wanted to sleep. Then they had an area set up with massive beanbags to snuggle into and watch a film. They could choose when they wanted to be running around outside, playing games, painting, or resting. It's not like they are being sent to Guantanamo Bay

@SweetCheeks1980 you come across extremely unpleasant!

OP has a child with additional needs! So if she's working and had taken them to the office how does she work and deal with that?

I think taking kids on a regular basis during the holidays is out or order! Your either not working properly or not looking after them properly.

For the person saying 'take them to the office and let them sit quietly in the corner'. I know three self employed people who have done or still do this. I was an employee of one and a client of the other two. It is a terrible thing to do to a child expecting them to sit quietly, not interrupting anyone, amusing themselves day in and day out, particularly when they are used to stimulation, activity and companionship at school. Perhaps the occasional bookish child could manage it but the ones I knew were bored out of their brains and acted out accordingly. A holiday club is fun and geared to the child's needs. An office or other place of business is neither of those things.

Honestly I think you will worry about it more than the children. I know stay at home mums who send their kids to camp in the holidays because they know they will have more fun there and I know if my son had a choice he would go to football camp everyday if I let him (unfortunately I am not that well off haha!!)

They will still have evenings and weekends to relax and have some downtime and you will still get holiday with them just at a different part of the year.

They'll cope OP. It's not cruel. And you have October half term to look forward to.