is it cruel to send the DC for 6 weeks in the Summer hols to the holidays club

[whatwouldbe]

I am unable to get any annual leave over the summer which means DC will have to spend the entire summer school hols (6 weeks) in a holiday club. 8:30 - 17:30.

it wasn't planned like that, I was hoping to get 1 weeks off in between but could not.

Several friends and my mum told me that this is cruel. That the DC need a break and downtime. I have no friends who could have the DC for a few days and no family to help (my mum is ill and cannot physically do it).

DC dad cannot have them either (long backstory).

working from home is not an option in my line of work.

It is not a choice for me. I really wanted to spend a few days with them at home. It's not only shit for them, it's alse shit for me. all friends have nice holidays planned and we cannot even have some chilled days at home. but there is nothing I can do.

please tell me you have done it too and that it is ok. I feel really awful after DM and some friends made these remarks.

Don't feel bad, you have to do what you have to do. Kids adapt very easily and as long as they are at a club they enjoy they'll be fine. Don't listen to people saying they couldn't do it, unfortunately you have too. Try and get the next school holidays off and see if you could have the odd day off in the Summer. I feel for you but don't feel bad.

Yeh my ds 6 would really love to sit in the corner of boring office, he would be running about causing merry hell, and disrupting the other workers, some people really come out with stupid ideas.

Can't believe someone thinks that taking children to work to while away the time with screens and puzzles is a better option than holiday club.

OP my son goes to a sport based holiday club and loves it. He will be there most of the 6 weeks holiday this year and will probably complain on the days he isn't there that he wants to be there. He does also get time there when it is more relaxed and not sport based and they watch a film or play top trumps or board games. You have no reason to feel guilty.

Suggestions like take a few sickies, find another job, take your kids to work etc are stupid and obviously made by people who don’t work, or at least not in any serious capacity.

Not all parents have the luxury of a partner to share the load, OP works full time in what must be a fairly senior job if it still pays to pay for 2 sets of full time holiday care, so finding another job at the same level in 2 months is probably completely unrealistic.

OP I think you’re doing a stellar job of being a parent to two children, one with complex needs, and with what sounds like no financial or practical support from family and friends. Be kinder to yourself and don’t listen to the handwringing nonsense that holiday clubs are cruel.

No it's not cruel OP. You are going what you have to do keep a roof over your children's heads.

The children probably love going there.

I work part time and the reason for that is my children. I don't think it's right sorry.

how do you think I can pay the bills and keep a roof over our head if I don't work or only very reduced hours. Would it be 'right' if I default on the mortgage and we end up homeless?

And what exactly is not right? That I provide for my DC? make sure they are fed,dressed, housed and looked after in an appropriate childcare setting whilst earning a living?

Of course it's not cruel...what a ridiculous comment. It's not ideal perhaps but it's totally fine. You're sending them off to a holiday club not a North Korean prison camp fgs.

I often spent big portions of the holidays at school holiday club. I actually loved it - we had plenty of day trips during the holidays at the club, stuff like ice-skating, cinema, country parks, the zoo. My mum was a single parent so had to work. I did spend some time with my gran, but honestly I think I had more fun at the holiday club! In fact, while sorting through stuff at my mum's I found my diaries from that time where I talked about everything we'd done every day and rated all the activities!

I'm not sure why it would be cruel?! It's not like they're doing school work every day. Weird.

OP ignore the people who obviously don't work or just do a few part time hours for pin money...

CHildren will much prefer to be in a holiday club than be made homeless or bored sick!

You do what you have to do. Your children will be fine.

Book the October half-term off. And an inset day if there's one on either side of that half term.

Your friends can do one if they won't offer to help.

I understand that this is a long thread so people may miss some things but people should at least read the OPs posts. People are suggesting an au pair or teenage babysitter when the OP has mentioned at least twice that one DC has additional needs so complex that even local childminders cannot cope with them.

In the UNAVOIDABLE absence of his/her mother, a holiday club with trained staff able to meet his/her needs whilst providing a range of FUN activities in the company of the other DC sounds ideal.

Serious question: what do people who think it's cruel imagine actually goes on at a school holiday club?

whatwould ignore the silly comments, you do what you need to do, to provide for your dc. They are not in your situation, or if they work part time, they have a full time working partner. You don't need pin money, you need money to pay the mortgage, and bills, that first and foremost is the important thing, that your dc have a roof over their head and food to eat, and hot water to bathe in and a loving mother like you. They don't don't need anything else, and I am sure that they will love holiday clubs. It is only for the short term anyway.

Op pardon me if you answered, but are you a single parent?

OP this is one of the many many ways that being a single parent is difficult and as with most of them it boils down to not being able to split yourself in two, which is of course something that you have no control over. In this situation, you can't continue to provide for them and spend time with them. So you have to provide for them, which you are doing.

The money you are earning keeps them alive, therefore earning it is the very opposite of neglect.

I do feel for you - it's a horrible situation to be in. But you're doing absolutely nothing wrong. Anybody who criticises you can either offer to look after your kids or, quite frankly, can shut the fuck up.

Make the most of the time you do have with them, and please don't worry about making arrangements for them to be safe and occupied while you earn money to ensure their continued survival.

celebelly forced manual labour and long division probably

Op put them in the clubs, and be reassured that they are being looked after properly. Having a child with SN, I can understand how normal childcare is not an option, you need trained people that can deal with your child's needs, not an inexperienced student who might be out of their depth.

The posters guilt tripping you here are a bit hard of thinking. You have no option and are seeking reassurance.

The kids will be fine - they are loved and have a stable parent doing everything she can to provide for them. Kids are robust. They know they’re loved, and holiday clubs are not school.

Stop with the guilt! It will be ok. And long leisurely kid-led weekends will be great throughout.

forced manual labour and long division probably

Mumsnet, the only place where a school holiday club becomes a gulag

Obviously the OP should have just planned ahead and been married to a rich man so she only needed a little part time job that she could chuck in/throw sickies if work impacted on her kids holiday plans?
Or maybe made some shrewd investments?
Bump off a grandparent so she had an inheritance to live off?

You are not cruel in ANY way.

This isn’t your choice. Unless anyone telling you it’s cruel, can offer help, they can fuck off.

Make every Friday movie night with popcorn/snacks, and enjoy every weekend as much as you can.

Have you got the bank holiday off? Plan a long weekend maybe?

My DS is very social, an only child and gets bored at home on his own. He's happier in holiday club where he can see his friends and to him, it's just playing all day - no school etc. If he was at home he'd just spend too much time on screens whereas he is actually out having fun in the sun.

People have no right to judge if they aren't offering solutions!

celebelly actually it’s not far off. In half term my 6yo was forced to build a bridge with her bare hands, with not a safety hat or pair of work boots in sight. A BRIDGE! (It was made out of sweets).

The trip to the cinema and to the park was awful! DC absolutely hated every second of it. Who will think of the poor neglected children

Personally I'd be getting sick with a tummy bug for a good three day stretch...