Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

is it cruel to send the DC for 6 weeks in the Summer hols to the holidays club

966 replies

whatwouldbe · 06/06/2018 05:37

I am unable to get any annual leave over the summer which means DC will have to spend the entire summer school hols (6 weeks) in a holiday club. 8:30 - 17:30.

it wasn't planned like that, I was hoping to get 1 weeks off in between but could not.

Several friends and my mum told me that this is cruel. That the DC need a break and downtime. I have no friends who could have the DC for a few days and no family to help (my mum is ill and cannot physically do it).

DC dad cannot have them either (long backstory).

working from home is not an option in my line of work.

It is not a choice for me. I really wanted to spend a few days with them at home. It's not only shit for them, it's alse shit for me. all friends have nice holidays planned and we cannot even have some chilled days at home. but there is nothing I can do.

please tell me you have done it too and that it is ok. I feel really awful after DM and some friends made these remarks.

OP posts:
Strawberrylaceaddict · 06/06/2018 10:24

My ds loves his holiday club and would happily go everyday through the 6 weeks if I could afford it! They do a tonne of stuff that we wouldn’t otherwise do at home if I had annual leave. Twice weekly Day trips to places like the zoo/ parks/ acitivity centres, baking, people coming in with animals, quad biking swimming twice a week etc. If it’s a good club with lots of activities then I really don’t see any harm.

funinthesun18 · 06/06/2018 10:25

Not cruel at all. Holiday clubs aren't a workhouse or a prison.
Your kids will be fine op honestly. I spent every summer holiday at holiday club when I was a kid and it's one of the best childhood memories I have. And that was even if my parents were off work!

Don't let anyone think you are neglecting them or "emotionally damaging them for life" Hmm What a load of nonsense.

NanFlanders · 06/06/2018 10:26

I think it's tight of your employers not to allow at least a week off, but they can't or won't, so you are where you are! Not helpful of anyone to make these comments (unless they are offering to have your kids), when you are doing your best to feed them and put a roof over their heads. Hope you can get some time off in October half-term or over Christmas.

Stanislas · 06/06/2018 10:26

My DD worked for an American company in Switzerland which meant that schools had 8 weeks holiday and she had 3 weeks. This meant that I have looked after and kept summers free for years. Also holiday clubs didn't have children under a certain age. I had the children and furthermore sent them to holiday clubs here. Not cruel as they were socialble little things and in my age group none of my friends has children their age nor grandchildren living close. They remembered friends from year to year. They were safe ,supervised ,well fed and thrived. They will also, because they they have had routine all summer ,
Fall back into school much more easily than friends who have stayed in pyjamas with screens all summer. And don't take them out of school in September but book your halfterm break with your company now in October. You are not just doing your best you are doing well.

morningtoncrescent62 · 06/06/2018 10:26

Haven't RTFT but didn't want to cut and run. I had to do this when my DC were younger, OP. I always tried to get at least a week's leave in the summer, but in the industry I work in the school summer holidays are our busiest time and it's really hard to get leave - all the parents are basically in competition with each other and on a rota for whatever time off is available (which isn't much). When my DC were at primary school I'd recently moved to the other end of the UK from all my family and previous friends, ex-partner very much not on the scene, so there was absolutely no-one who could take the children for a few days.

And know what? They survived and have become very well-adjusted young women even if I say it myself!! I'm not actually convinced that 'just chilling' in front of screens would have been better for them than the holiday clubs they went to - they loved the clubs, and there seemed to be plenty of downtime during the day for just hanging about in the playground and on the playing fields (the clubs were in the gorgeous grounds of a private school). I would say don't let anyone make you feel guilty, OP - what you're doing isn't in any way cruel.

CruCru · 06/06/2018 10:29

I think you need to be kind to yourself. It sounds as though you are the only one keeping the show on the road.

I know quite a few American kids who go back to the US for summer camp for six weeks at a time. This is normal for them and they look forward to it.

Wheresthebeach · 06/06/2018 10:30

Happens all the time in Canada and the US. Going to residential camp is the norm, and becoming camp counsellors as teenagers is often a first job.

Don't fuss, don't worry - do what you have to to support your kids. Anyone making you feel guilty should be offering free childcare if they feel so strongly. If they aren't prepared to help then they should shut up.

Skyejuly · 06/06/2018 10:30

Mine actually ask to go!

TumbleTussocks · 06/06/2018 10:32

And why are the employers being unreasonable? If they literally can’t give op the time off due to the work that needs to be done then what else are they meant to do? It’s shit but it happens

They need to be organised enough to plan ahead for the summer; they know they have a least one single parent of young children so they need to accommodate that.

MyDcAreMarvel · 06/06/2018 10:32

As the parent of a disabled child assuming in receipt of dla you are legally entitled to request individual days of unpaid pare tap leave.
I would suggest request just two days preferably the Thursday and Tuesday of the August bank holiday weekend.

Neolara · 06/06/2018 10:32

If you can't get time off, you can't get time off. It's completely unhelpful of your friends to make those comments and make you feel bad. It might not be ideal, but there's nothing you can do about it and it will almost certainly be absolutely fine.

ilovesooty · 06/06/2018 10:32

Why are people suggesting the OP looks for another job?
She has said this is an unusual situation, her employer is generally OK and she gets time off for children's medical appointments and responding to emergencies.

SweetCheeks1980 · 06/06/2018 10:34

Personally I think it is a bit cruel.
Can you take any sick days? At least to break it up a bit.
Or could you take the children to work with you - take crayons, kindle, puzzles etc?
Do you know any teenage girls who'd be willing to sit - you could phone home every hour or so?

Stephisaur · 06/06/2018 10:34

I went to holiday clubs during the summer holidays. They were at my school, but not just open to kids FROM our school if that makes sense.

I’m generally pretty antisocial but I loved the holiday club! We did archery, baking, swimming, diving, made robots... loads of activities that we never did IN school.

Pompom42 · 06/06/2018 10:35

I know you have no choice but for me I couldn't do it.
I can imagine you are torn I really do but I think it's sad that the children are spending the entire 6 weeks in a holiday club.
For me I couldn't do it. I'd have to take unpaid leave or pull a sickie. Take them out for the day, the beach or theme park.
I work part time and the reason for that is my children. I don't think it's right sorry.

Skyejuly · 06/06/2018 10:37

I can't believe people thinking cruel.

Booboostwo · 06/06/2018 10:37

They will be fine and probably have a blast. We book kids club when we go on holiday with the kids but book just for the morning so we can spend time together...what do the kids do? They complain about how hard done by they are that they cannot stay at holiday club all day!

If you are worried about them being overstimulated can you talk to the club and see if they have a quiet room or reading room the DCs can retreat to for a few hours?

TheMythicalChicken · 06/06/2018 10:38

Just do fun stuff every weekend. Say, "kids, sorry you've been in day care all week, but let's spend some of the money I made and have some fun." Maybe cinema, cheap lunch, day at the seaside?

ghostyslovesheets · 06/06/2018 10:38

YANBU OP

Mine will be doing 2 weeks Holiday Club (well the youngest will) and 2 weeks away at my mums (not a solid block 1 week beginning of the hols and one at the end) and I have managed to get 2 weeks off - it's just the way it is and kids get this!

Mine like holiday club because they do swimming and trampolining and play x box!

Figgygal · 06/06/2018 10:39

Sweet cheeks not being funny but do you work because suggesting she takes them to work with her is just fucking ridiculous

ilovesooty · 06/06/2018 10:39

And more people suggesting fraudulent sick days Hmm

Changebagsandgladrags · 06/06/2018 10:39

You're doing your best here. I can't see why it's cruel at all. It's just one school holiday.

Try to do stuff at the weekends. They will be fine.

aaronburr · 06/06/2018 10:42

Of course it's not cruel Thanks

I'm sure they'll have a great time at holiday club.

CruCru · 06/06/2018 10:43

ARGH!!! Please do not take sick days. If the employer needs the OP for real business needs, they are going to be a bit stuffed if the OP takes a couple of sickies. That is the way to being thought of as unreliable. Plus then the OP / one of her kids really will be sick - save the sick days for then.

MollyDaydream · 06/06/2018 10:46

Most bonkers suggestion so far Grin
could you take the children to work with you - take crayons, kindle, puzzles etc?

Yep, totally fine and normal to make children sit quietly in the corner of an office for 8 hours instead of spending a day playing with other kids, going swimming, doing craft and games. Have you actually ever met a child?