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Original poster

is it cruel to send the DC for 6 weeks in the Summer hols to the holidays club

966 replies

whatwouldbe · 06/06/2018 05:37

I am unable to get any annual leave over the summer which means DC will have to spend the entire summer school hols (6 weeks) in a holiday club. 8:30 - 17:30.

it wasn't planned like that, I was hoping to get 1 weeks off in between but could not.

Several friends and my mum told me that this is cruel. That the DC need a break and downtime. I have no friends who could have the DC for a few days and no family to help (my mum is ill and cannot physically do it).

DC dad cannot have them either (long backstory).

working from home is not an option in my line of work.

It is not a choice for me. I really wanted to spend a few days with them at home. It's not only shit for them, it's alse shit for me. all friends have nice holidays planned and we cannot even have some chilled days at home. but there is nothing I can do.

please tell me you have done it too and that it is ok. I feel really awful after DM and some friends made these remarks.

OP posts:
Plipplops · 06/06/2018 09:47

They'll be absolutely fine. Mine went to a summer club thing where there was definitely an option to take it easy and veg out? Lots of good advice about telling people with an opinion but nothing helpful to add to fuck off, and make the most of your weekends together too.

Figgygal · 06/06/2018 09:47

Of course it's not cruel if no one is willing to help and you genuinely have no other option I don't see what else you can do keep your holidays for October half term and Christmas requests in now so Work can't make it difficult for you

My eldest is finishing year one last year I was on maternity leave so we didn't have to worry about holidays this year we are already trying to plan it like a military operation I know it's not easy when there are two of us in this household

Mrsmadevans · 06/06/2018 09:48

These Holiday clubs are actually designed for this reason so .....

Norma27 · 06/06/2018 09:48

It may not be ideal but you have to do what you have to do. The children will be fine in holiday club. I would maybe just make sure they get some downtime to relax and do nothing during the weekends.
Another that thinks those who say you are cruel should bloody offer to help then. Ignore them and do what you need/want for your family x

Suzielou66 · 06/06/2018 09:50

Not sure why you came on here to ask this question if you have no choice and it isn’t going to change your situation?! You must have known that there would be loads of other people who would feel the same way as your friends and relatives.
I think this situation is very difficult but I also agree that it is unfair on your kids. School holidays are about lazy days relaxing and having fun with your family and friends not about a rigid timetable of activities from 8.30 till 5.30 with a bunch of strangers. A couple of weeks of this might be fun but 6 weeks of it is crazy. I couldn’t do it to my kids. Surely you have known about this for some time. Could you not have budgeted throughout the year to enable you to take at least one weeks leave?

Ginger1982 · 06/06/2018 09:52

Suzie have you read the thread? Her employer won't allow the time off.

MollyDaydream · 06/06/2018 09:53

Is it cruel to have toddlers in nursery all summer too, or just over 5s?

Tambien · 06/06/2018 09:53

Susie RTFT that will you understand instead of being judgemental.....

Tambien · 06/06/2018 09:54

Molly very very good point there

OuaisMaisBon · 06/06/2018 09:55

Suzielou66 I disagree. Holiday clubs/camps are far more fun for children than staying at home with your boring old family, particularly for only children. Mine used to go regularly, even when I wasn't working, as she preferred it to being at home, often on her own, as her school friends/neighbourhood children were all at holiday camps themselves!

WindDoesNotBreakTheBendyTree · 06/06/2018 09:56

I imagine some of the people saying its "cruel" on here and irl will be those moaning about wanting the holidays to end on social media.

The children will be cared for, be with each other, and friends, and hopefully it will be fun. Did you manage/can you plan to have time off/holidays at half term/Easter? Can you do nice things at the weekends?

Can any of those friends take your kids out/look after them for the odd day? No, then they should STFU and support you. It's none of their business anyway.

Mummyoflittledragon · 06/06/2018 10:00

No I don’t think it’s cruel. It’s not something my daughter would like. But needs must in this situation and the main thing is your children enjoyed the club last year and are together.

I know you’ve said you’ll ask your employer about finishing early on Fridays. Would they allow you to work 4 compact days out of 5 and get your children’s father to pick them up from the club? Or maybe one of the people calling you cruel could manage to have your children for a couple of hours in the evening to facilitate this.

Does their father (your ex?) take them at weekends. Could you get access to the building and go to work at the weekend thus freeing up a work day?

With all of the equality legislation, it is really sad for parents that they are prevented from taking any time off with their children.

petrolpump28 · 06/06/2018 10:00

actually dont bother making the weekends extra special. Make them whatever you want them to be. If finances allow, get a cleaner and get decent food delivered.

BarbarianMum · 06/06/2018 10:04

Not all children are like yours though Oausis. My 2 hate holiday clubs but have to attend them 2-3 weeks each summer. It depends on the child.

IDontWantToBuildASnowman · 06/06/2018 10:05

Have you considered a child minder for the summer, or temp nanny if you can afford, so they get to spend some time in a home environment or doing more chilled activities like going to the park?

My kids will do 4 weeks holiday club BTW and they frankly love it. Still I feel the guilt but it is what it is.

Good luck xx

RB68 · 06/06/2018 10:05

It is in no way cruel - its not like sending them to school FGS - sometimes its just how it is and there are some inexpensive ones out there - I would hype it up to them (I know what its like to have one unwilling child and having to get her motivated to enjoy something) and plan a short hol for autumn half term if you can - get that booked now!!

CuppaSarah · 06/06/2018 10:06

Holiday clubs are amazing and a great break. There's always down time and children need a break from the routine and constructive nature of school, holiday clubs are ideal for that. Honestly my DD would love a whole six weeks of holiday club, but it's not an option for us.

StaySafe · 06/06/2018 10:07

Can you book something for the autumn half term? If the children have something to look forward to then and you tell your not-very-helpful friends and family this they will shut up and leave you alone.

Branleuse · 06/06/2018 10:08

Needs must. I think it's fine. Maybe you can get some time off in another school holiday instead?

Dixiechickonhols · 06/06/2018 10:09

I could take annual leave in summer with dd but when she was primary age chose not too other than a few days as summer was the best time for holiday childcare options. We had our family holiday in October half term (dd had 2 weeks off) and used rest of leave for other School hols and her medical appointments. It was just how it was and she accepted it. I used to book different childcare then even if she wasn’t too keen she only had a week or two of it but I can see one option for the whole holiday will be a better fit for you. I know the Dancing one dd did does a different theme each week as many girls go all summer to keep it fun for them. The School camp she used to do was very relaxed and staff used to leave them to play, was nice for dd as an only child to play with mix of ages. They also used to go on trips to farms, walk to local park etc. Far from cruel. Now she is yr 7 it is much harder as she has aged out of childcare. I’d much rather she was at childcare dancing, gymnastics, days out than lying on sofa watching Netflix.

WorzelsCornyBrows · 06/06/2018 10:13

I can’t believe people coming on here saying it’s cruel. Is it so hard to see that not all parents have the luxury of staying at home and that earning to keep a roof over your children’s heads is the priority? Ffs! Good to see the bias against full time working Mothers is still going strong Hmm

OP, these clubs are designed for this purpose and if your children enjoy it then it’s absolutely fine! I use all my leave during school holidays so I can spend time with my children but still they’ll spend 4 of the 6 weeks in holiday club, and they can’t wait! Of course you’re disappointed not to be able to spend quality time with your children this summer, but if there’s nothing you can do then that’s just how it is. Leaves you more leave to take in other school holidays instead Wink

People who can’t offer solutions should keep keep their opinions to themselves, it seems their sole purpose is to make you feel bad.

Skyejuly · 06/06/2018 10:18

I don't think its and of world if you make most of weekends. My kids love summer kids club and want to go!

Saison4 · 06/06/2018 10:19

I bet those who tell the OP she is cruel would suggest she finds a job if she were to decide rely on Carers Allowance (I just assume that the child is on DLA), income support and housing benefit and tax credits. I have been there. You cannot win, prioritise the time with the DC and give up work, you become a drain on society. if you work your ass off (the whole situation must be incredible hard for OP) you are labelled s cruel parent.

OP, you are doing fine. Kids will be ok. As other of a child with SN, I am actually more concerned about your well-being. you seem totally on your own with it all. When do you get a break and downtime?

Skyejuly · 06/06/2018 10:19

Holiday clubs offer down time as well as action. They are wonderful!

ElChan03 · 06/06/2018 10:23

To reassure you. I grew up with my mum working full time and I spent entire summer holidays at playschemes up until I was 13. When I was 14 I was deemed mature enough to stay at home alone and would go off and play down the park with my friends.
I was fine and I enjoyed playschemes. My mum and I joke about it now but I never thought she was cruel only doing her best by me. I remember 1 summer she took the whole 6 weeks off and it was amazing but we were poor as church mice for a while after.
You are doing a good job, don't beat yourself up about It!