FIL’s hospital appointment vs DD’s play...

[dildial]

My FIL has been experiencing some health problems recently and is currently undergoing lots of tests & having lots of appointments to try to get to the bottom of it. I’m a GP, and the only doctor among my in-laws’ children + spouses. Consequently, my MIL - who has been finding this very stressful - has been asking me to come to all FIL’s appointments so that I can help them understand what’s going on and what all the results mean.

I’m absolutely fine with this - I understand that hospitals can be very daunting places and that medical jargon can be confusing. It’s a 2 hour round trip to the hospital where FIL is being seen, but I can generally manage this, and as I work 3 days a week, MIL & FIL have been arranging the appointments on my days off.

The problem is that in 2 weeks, FIL has an important appointment with a specialist, that can’t be rearranged as he’s been waiting a few months to see him. MIL is very anxious that I come along to this appointment, but unfortunately it clashes with my 11 year old DD’s end of year 6 play, in which she has a pretty big part.

I honestly don’t know what to do for the best here. Should I upset my MIL by not going to FIL’s appointment, or upset my DD (and, let’s be honest, be really upset myself) by missing her big moment?

Excellent solution, well done dildial.

Still can't believe that some people think their children are of such low priority that they should give way for a single appointment out of many that the OP has attended with PILs. Jeez.

Discuss with them the appointment afterwards, but I'd say the play is more important for sure. I'd say they're very lucky you've been going to every appointment and to miss one should be fine.

You absolutely must be there for your daughter. This is a big deal for her, and you!

You need to just be honest with inlaws and explain the situation. They will surely understand.

I think you have made the right choice. You have been overly generous with your time and support however you have a life of your own too.

That’s a great solution. I’m glad it’s all sorted.

Go to the play!

As others have suggested, take a list of questions. They can write down the answers and you could go through this with them after the appointment. Also, the vast majority of consultants would have a letter sent to the patients GP. Tell your FIL to ask that the consultant copy him, as the patient, into the letter. He then has a written record of anything that was discussed.

Awww I'm really pleased you sorted it. I feel for your mother in law and it's great you are close enough to her for her to ask for your help. It's daunting enough being sick but when it's the other person and you are affectively caring for them, you don't want to miss something and get it wrong so support really does help.

On the other side of the coin it's important they realise you can't always be there and sometimes things will come up. It's not feasible to expect it any other way.

Oh and another thing we have done before is sent a list of questions to the consultants secretary before the appointment. That's been helpful because dh always has questions and I forget to ask them! I normally get him or mum to come with me now but it's not always possible.

" she'll record it on her phone so that I can listen to it with MIL later."

With any luck even that won't be necessary as SIL will be listening & able to understand!

MIL sounds a bit over reliant.

It's one thing Op going when she can-if it's going to be recorded for Op to "interpret"-why is SIL even going?

Is there a language barrier or learn difficulty with the Pil? All this talk of translating being essential.

Good catch, I didn’t think of that, I just assumed the PIL meant ‘translate from medical speak to layperson speak’ which is unreasonable given that doctors spend every day distilling medical info to patient friendly language! But even if it is due to a language barrier, there are translators available on the NHS.

How was the play @dildial