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to say, about Kate Spade's apparent suicide?

249 replies

Standandwait · 05/06/2018 18:30

... that there are two things I take away from this:

  1. there are a lot of people out there who you think are just fine and should be so happy but just aren't... not only Kate Spade, what about Robin Williams? Be aware others may be fragile and try not to hurt them.

  2. if you think you're worthless and a failure remember there are probably other people out there who admire you and wish they were like you. Don't kill yourself get help.

OP posts:
HariboIsMyCrack · 05/06/2018 21:42

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Stopandlook · 05/06/2018 21:45

It is very hard to understand the unbearable pain of a suicidal person. I have a glimmer of understanding though. Through reading a blog of an online friend who fell into a suicidal depression and finally, sadly succumbed, and also with my own brief glimpse of depression and anxiety. Thanksfully I responded to treatment, I don’t think I could have stood those feelings long term.

CheeseyToast · 05/06/2018 21:47

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WannaBeWonderWoman · 05/06/2018 21:49

I wish we would start calling it like it is and stop saying depression is a 'chemical imbalance' or a 'disease' like in the physical sense. It is emotional distress. A person who kills themselves is in such deep emotional torment and distress that they can't bear to feel it anymore and truly believe that their loved ones would be better off without them such is their sense of self esteem/worthlessness.

Self esteem and core beliefs about ourselves, and our perception of the world are sown in childhood and can be further negatively affected after traumatic incidents. When I read news stories like this, no matter how famous or wealthy the victim is, I always wonder 'what happened to you' because there will always be something.

I can only imagine what the poor lady was going through to hang herself which is certainly not like taking pills and booze. I considered at length every way possible myself, and how it would affect the emergency services who would have to deal with it. I didn't want to cause harm to anyone else just myself so the pain would stop.

No one would have had any idea of what was going on inside me. My mask never slipped.

The only thing that stopped me was worrying that something awful might happen to my DC after I was dead and I wouldn't be there to stop it or comfort them. Them losing me was relatively insignificant as I wasn't worth anything!

I hope her DD is given effective help to understand, because it really is incomprehensible when you've never felt it.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 05/06/2018 21:49

When death is the only option the suffering must be unbearable and sometimes when we experience severely depressed people and the hell that is their life . Well you can See why death and an endless painless sleep is a very viable option

I think maybe it’s easier to understand when you have been depressed

I used to feel Guilty about my attempted suicide

Now I feel very sad and wish I had the acess and knowledge I have now , back then

Pettynotvindictive · 05/06/2018 21:50

@stopfuckingshouting

Accept what? She's dead. She chose that. You don't choose cancer.

@Haribo
Do you feel, like I do, that no one looks from the family POV.

HariboIsMyCrack · 05/06/2018 21:50

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Pepperypig · 05/06/2018 21:50

Pettynotvindictive I am very sorry for your loss. However, your mum really wouldn't have been thinking straight - it just isn't as simple as that. She must really have been in a lot of internal pain - I know it's hard to understand but depression is an illness - just one we can't see.

HopeMumsnet · 05/06/2018 21:52

Good evening, everyone.

We have deleted a few posts, most of which were just replies.

We've also had a few comments about the name Kate Spade here, and can confirm that this poster has used this name for over 6 years so it isn't a recent change.

We know from experience that when well-known people take their lives, it impacts on a great number of our MNers in many different ways. We'd like to leave this thread as intact as possible, with all its compassionate thoughts and deeply sad stories, even with its anger and pain, and would hope that, as usual, MNers will come up trumps and support each other.

Flowers and kindest thoughts to those affected by friends and family who have taken their own lives, and for those still suffering we hope you don't mind, but when these issues are under discussion we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources - here. You can also go to the Samaritans' website here, or email them on [email protected].

Peace and love to all.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 05/06/2018 21:53

I don’t think people choose depression either though ? I mean No one wants to be depressed do they ? So depressed that death is the only way to stop the unbearable pain

I really do not want to disagree with you petty . This must be very painful and triggering . I just don’t see suicide as a selfish act that’s all . I am sorry
And maybe this thread is not the appropriate way or medium to have this discussion.

I really am truly sorry for your loss

HariboIsMyCrack · 05/06/2018 21:53

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CheeseyToast · 05/06/2018 21:54

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UserV · 05/06/2018 21:55

@HopeMumsnet

What a sweet post. Thank you. Smile

TheMythicalChicken · 05/06/2018 21:57

I think it’s important that we talk about it. I don’t think it’s disrespectful. Suicide seems to have no bearing on how good or bad your life is: so many rich, successful designers have taken their own lives. Yet there are other people with horrific lives who just carry on. I also wonder how many of these people are religious and think they’re going to a better place?

People whom I have known with ‘depression’ have tended to be quite self-pitying, inward looking people. However it seems to be the ones who look fine on the outside who are more at risk of suicide.

No point to my post really, I’m just devastated for Kate and her family.

UserV · 05/06/2018 21:59

@Cheeseytoast FGS stop attacking @hariboismycrack for how she feels about her father's suicide. She has a right to feel that way without being lambasted by you! Hmm

NetofLemons · 05/06/2018 22:01

Flowers to everyone affected by suicide. So sorry for your losses.

Eyeslikethesea · 05/06/2018 22:04

I have kids, and i have suicidal thoughts. The one thing that keeps me here is them. The pain I feel every fucking day is almost unbearable.
I alternate between thinking "I need to be here for them no matter how shit I am as a mother" and "i can't fuck them up."
When you are in the very depths of despair it can feel like you are doing your loved ones a blessing by taking yourself out of the equation. If they loved you, they wouldn't want you to be in pain etc. All these thoughts are very real and can feel logical.
I would never judge anyone who felt that despair.
My heart goes out to the families left behind, the guilt, anger, not knowing and sadness must be overwhelming.

mrsreynolds · 05/06/2018 22:06

In the endurance of your own trial you do not consider anyone elses.

RIP Kate

UserV · 05/06/2018 22:07

@Themythicalchicken

I think it’s important that we talk about it. I don’t think it’s disrespectful. Suicide seems to have no bearing on how good or bad your life is: so many rich, successful designers have taken their own lives. Yet there are other people with horrific lives who just carry on. I also wonder how many of these people are religious and think they’re going to a better place?

People whom I have known with ‘depression’ have tended to be quite self-pitying, inward looking people. However it seems to be the ones who look fine on the outside who are more at risk of suicide.

Good post. Agree with the second paragraph very much.

glsgow107 · 05/06/2018 22:11

Haribo. You have every right to feel angry at your dad. And I am genuinely sorry for your loss. But saying that someone who Is a parent is selfish is just plain wrong. You really need to educate yourself in mental health. I was offered counselling and psychiatry help but didn't think I was worth their time as I was a lost cause. I needed to be forced. I really believed nothing would or could help and I would just be draining resources needed by other people. You really, really need to not project your feelings which are just one story into what could be vulnerable people.

Rhony · 05/06/2018 22:13

To feel suicidal is to truly believe that the world is better off in your absence, or that you simply cannot bare to manage the pain you are feeling any longer.

I speak from experience. I craved the feeling of death at one point. Purely to be able to escape the all consuming darkness caused by PND.

I recovered. I am happy and at peace for now. It continues to frighten me how unwell I was.

My heart goes out to Kate, and all others that seek an end to their pain through suicide, as well as those affected by it.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 05/06/2018 22:17

To feel suicidal is to truly believe that the world is better off in your absence, or that you simply cannot bare to manage the pain you are feeling any longer
Yes that’s a spot on summation Describes the real depth & bleakness
And glad you made a recovery rhony

HariboIsMyCrack · 05/06/2018 22:17

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Ummmmgogo · 05/06/2018 22:18

I'm sorry for everyone who has lost someone to suicide. I think comparing suicide to cancer and telling people who lost a parent as a child that they are grieving wrongly is disgusting and would like for that to stop on this thread.

HariboIsMyCrack · 05/06/2018 22:21

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