Wedding invite dilemma

[Sarahrose21]

Posting here for traffic,
Trying to write our wedding invites and I know how the people of mumsnet are divided on asking for money rather than gifts so I'm asking for advice on what to write to our guests, some are travelling across country and I would like to find a way to let guests know that we do not expect gifts but if they particularly want to give anything we would prefer donations towards a big purchase we are saving towards.
Any suggestions?

Don't say anything on the invite. Prep your parents that if anyone asks to say that your saving towards X from Y but aren't expecting any gifts.

On mine I just put 'if anyone wishes to contribute to the honeymoon fund please contact the bride or groom via email'
I thought that was best as it lets people know there is a 'fund' but is clear that its only there if people 'want' to contribute to it. I thought if I put the actual details on the invite then that would be rude or put pressure on people... but I did want to make people aware that there was a specific fund if they were okay with/able to give cash.

Ok, I like the idea of leaving it off the invites then people can decide if they want to gift they can contact us

Don't mention it. Have your parents and bridal party prepped IF anyone asks

Do not put ANYTHING about gifts on an invitation. It is horrendous and tacky.

Yes leave it off altogether. People will work out that if there’s no gift list and they want to give you a present then your preference would be for money.

Interesting Aqua - I have never seen a wedding invite in 30 years that didn't either have details of a wedding list at some store (although that's very rare these days) or preference for vouchers from some store or a request in some form for a contribution to the honeymoon. And that must have been at least 25 weddings.

I know it seems to be a no no on here, but I'd rather it said on the invite that you wanted money. No awkward conversations or getting gifts you don't really want as a lot of people won't ask.

We didn't put anything on the invitations. We had a list at John Lewis for people who would prefer to give a physical present and prepped our parents to tell relatives who asked. Some people asked and chose from the list, most people put £20 (some more, some less) in a card.

shatnerswig well me neither! so thats why I did decide to mention it on mine... just to let people know there was an actual fund. I certainly did not expect people to contribute to it if they didnt want to.
Thing is though me and my husband had been living together for a while and had kids... I just didnt want tonnes of glass sets etc..
As it was in the end, the majority of people did give cash gifts either by contacting us or just putting a bit in a card.
A few people did bring actual gifts but that was fine as it was only a few things like candles and fancy gin etc which we did really like.
Its just that people do tend to want to give gifts at weddings and if you dont have a specific list or a request for no gifts or a fund then you may well end up with 30 toasters/glass sets/towel sets that you cant ever get rid of because you dont want to offend anyone!!

Agree Shatners. Every wedding I've ever known has had a registry, a gift list, or asked for contributions to a honeymoon.
Personally, I'd rather know what you want and decide what i buy or how much i donate.

every invitation I have had just says we don't expect presents but if you want to give something then they would like money towards honeymoon. I'm sure someone would be offended but at least it's clear.

We didn't mention it at all, for the people who got in touch we had a few items we wanted, or requested money towards a couple of larger items. We had a few unexpected gifts (mostly lovely) and quite a few people who just gave us a card which was completely expected as theyvd had to travel about 200 miles and pay travel and accommodation.

Gift lists or asking for cash / vouchers in invitations isn't great etiquette imo although I realise most people do it.
I didn't put anything in my invitations. The majority of people gave us money, lots of vouchers and some lovely thoughtful gifts we wouldn't have thought to buy ourselves.
Congratulations on your upcoming marriage.

I know MN is very weird about asking for money but I actually think in the real world nobody minds that much.

Don't do a twee poem, but a note saying 'Gifts are absolutely not necessary - the most important thing to us is that we get to celebrate with you. If you would like to gift us something, however, we are saving up for X and any contribution would be appreciated if you wish to make one.'

Just put nothing.

Just because most invites these days include gift lists or requests for cash doesn't make it any less tacky.

"Please come to our wedding...and here's what we want off you" could never be anything less than presumptuous & rude.

Don't mention gifts on the invite. Those who want to get you something will enquire & can be told you are saving for whatever.

The entitlement of people these days is repellant. Gifts are supposed to be voluntary.

(Not aimed at you, OP, btw).

@Sarahrose21 we left it off ours after seeing threads on here. Worst thing we did. Got unindated by people asking if we wanted x or y, where the gift list was, did we want money. Ended up sending an email out it got so bad (had many many other things to worry about, not wedding related).

Email ended up saying, thanks to all the people who have asked what gifts we would like for our wedding, whilst we don't expect gifts, a contribution to our currently non-existent honeymoon would be wonderful. Thanks

Just one idea- there's a website called weddingshop where you can list chunks of a big purchase through the website . Eg £10 sofa fund £20 sofa fund etc. Might be an idea so people feel like they are putting their mo yeah towards something.

"Gifts are absolutely not necessary..." is instantly violated by the use of the word "but..." afterwards.

Don't put anything on the invitations. It's grabby ana desperate. If people want to get you something they can ask if there's anything you'd like. But to me asking or requesting makes it seem like you expect something.

Put nothing.

I dont see why people should help you save for a big purchase just because you decided to get married.

People have their own purchases to save for.

Most people do put something to do with gifts on invitations (I've been to plenty of weddings where I didn't know the parents of bride or groom or any of the bridal party so I wouldn't have asked them). Most say "we want nothing more than for our family and friends to be there on our special day BUT if you would like to give a gift please......."

Sorry...but why is being "inundated" by people wanting to know what to get you such a terrible thing?

"Oh no....all these people wanting to buy me stuff. How will we cope?"

Good grief.

One way I've seen it done is to have a line on the invitation saying something like "for details of the venue, local accommodation and gift registry see our website and.lovedup.com" and then you can have a tab/page with some calm prose saying exactly what you have said there, or link to the JL registry, or the JustGiving or charity site.

It's useful for those people coming a long way to have details of parking / public transport links (eg the nearest station might be Anytown Central but there are better buses from Anytown Junction a mile further away). It's also very useful to have a rough running order for timings and planning.

And you quietly bury gift information in all the other useful information so it's easily found by someone looking, but not IN THE FACE of anyone who would be offended by a more direct request.