Pissed at being told to formula feed!

[HeavyMetalMama]

This is something that’s pissing me right off. My baby was born on the very middle line centile in the book, never lost weight and has stayed on that line for his whole 11 weeks. He wakes in the night and feeds fairly often in the day - possibly because he is a baby. I don’t begrudge him this as I’m quite fond of him. In the early days especially where he was glued to the breast I constantly had comments that he’s unsatisfied! He wees and poos for England, smiled at 6 weeks, engages with people etc he’s perfrct (although I could be slightly biased ).
Mum and sister #1 suggest he should have formula as he’s “unsettled” and “not getting enough”. Dad suggests formula to “bulk him up a bit”. Sister #2 jokingly (?) repeats that she hasn’t seen him yet as he’s “always buried in mum’s chest”. Mum & Sis #1 breastfed/combined fed 4 each of their own!
10 years ago, a young mum, I believed all of this and added formula from 4 weeks. Constipated my baby and ruined my milk supply. Determined not to listen this time and it’s been difficult at times but we both love boobing.

The overwhelming support doesn’t stop there, oh no. My brother in law for example sits outside in the car when Sister #2 comes over. MIL gets frustrated that she can’t cuddle DS as much as she’d like because he wants food, I even expressed earlier than I really wanted to so she could give him a bottle but he wants his mummy.
I cover so well that SIL sat opposite me without realising I was feeding, so I’m not waving them around for all to see.
Sister #1 also made a comment about him not being content this weekend.
My baby clinic, which boasts a feeding cafe for all (breast, bottle & weaning) when I took DS to be weighed put me in the corner to feed, faving the wall and sat right next to the bin.

At DS 8 week check the doctor said she’d been there 3 years and he’s the second BF baby she’s seen, in a surgery of over 5000 patients.

These aren’t even all of them.

I’m doing a fantastic job. DS is absolutely thriving. Am I being unreasonable to want to scream every time someone tells me to give him a bottle of formula?

PS no issues at all with formula I think it’s wonderful stuff, just not my choice

By the way, I personally know four different families who breastfed a child to 5 years old. One of those children are now an adult breastfeeding their own 2 year old [smiles]. I also know a eight year old who is breastfeeding as the family are practicing natural term breastfeeding. Thought I'd point out because if you are getting pressure at 11 weeks, I can't imagine what they will do once you hit 12 months. So if you know of older children who are breastfeed and are perfectly normally socially/mentally/physically then that helps back up what you are doing if you choose to continue how ever for you do . Join a facebook breastfeeding group, totally helps normalise it and also gives you additional support x

Keep going, you're doing fab! I get what you mean about the pressure to ff (although your relatives are definitely BVU). It felt like for the first 6 months I was encouraged to bf, but after 6 months that quickly changed to 'what, you're STILL breastfeeding??' People still have am issue with it in the UK. Sure, it means more night feeds but it's not forever. Plus once the difficult first bit is over it's actually the easier option I think - who can be arsed faffing with bottles and feeds?

Not doing down on ff but I'm getting sick of the lack of public and peer support for women wanting to bf. My friend really wanted to bf her second DC as she couldn't with her first. But her family (particularly her DH) put so much pressure on her to stop that she only went 3 months and still regrets not going for longer.

That said, I live in Scotland and do feel there's a lot of support from my HV team and baby clinic. Am surprised to hear it's so low where you are?

I intend to keep bf DS (my second and last child) as long as I can...

You just have to do what works for you. It's sounds more like jealously coming from the family.

That being said your experience is very different from mine. I couldn't feed, broke my heart and cried so much about it. And still feel so guilty.
Every single mum I have met so far has EBF. When my little one was ill I was reminded by three different doctors if I BF she would have been okay/get better quicker.

If you were living here I could guarantee you wouldn't get any of those comments about formula from the professionals,

It sounds like your little one and you are very happy and doing what works for you, every one else can do one

Thinking about this thread, I have looked up bf'ing rates for my local area. 74% will start bf'ing at birth but only 21% are still going at 6-8 weeks!

@crumble9 so sorry you couldn’t bf but thank you so much for being supportive of it! Sometimes I feel that’s all mums need (when everything else is going ok), is someone to support their decision and tell them they are doing a good job.

Formula definitely has its place and I am glad that in this day and age we do have the option in case it is needed.

@applesadpears56 absolutely, I know that now but I was young and thought that I was doing what was best. As you say, the advertisement is everywhere.

@crumble9 don't feel guilty! I tried to bf DS1 but it didn't work out and he barely had any breast milk. It's been entirely different with DS2 and he is still ebf (with food) at 7.5 months. There's a lot of luck involved imo as well as hard work - I certainly tried a lot harder with DS1 than I ever had to with DS2.

YANBU. This reminds me of my Mil who told me to put my dd on formula with baby rice in there to boot at 8 weeks old as she was ‘not satisfied’. She formula fed my oh and his sister and just couldn’t understand my choice, when she babysat for us I provided some expressed milk in a bottle for while oh and I were out and the face she pulled at the sight of it was priceless. Do what is best for you and your baby, I stopped bfing my dd at 2.5 years. Good luck sounds like you’re doing great x

You’re doing a fantastic job. Huge respect ✊😊

Tell them all to fuck off. This is your baby and you will feed as you choose!!!

Don't let them grind you down, you're obviously doing an amazing job. You often find people comment 'negatively' if they haven't breastfed. It seems to be a way to justify that their decision was right and yours is wrong (not always, but often in my experience), health professionals included!

just ignore them! you are doing a great job and whats best for both of you. i breastfed all 4 and even fed ds2 while pregnant with ds3 and dd until she was 2

I breastfed for thirteen months.she was always long and thin but im not big so it was normal.Ignore everyone as you are MUM

Try and ignore them! Breastfed babies feed on demand, not because they aren't getting enough and not because they just want comfort, that's just how they feed.
If you're not feeling overwhelmed by the feeding routine and you both otherwise don't have any problems then there is no reason to supplement with formula. But also, you can if you want to! That's your decision!
I completely miss bf-ing now we've weaned 😩 my boy was the same and fed ALL THE TIME but was on the 98th centile so no problem with supply or weight gain there!

I BF my youngest daughter ight and morning until she was 2, despite the jokes from others about me going into school at break time to do it if I went on much longer.I have 3 other children and they all weaned themselves when they were ready - don't let people put you off, it really is best if it is what you and your baby want.

Sorry "night"

Do your own thing OP. Nobody else’s business.
V v puzzled by the poster who said there is so much pressure to formula feed! Not in my experience. The opposite in fact. I breastfed and would have done anyway, but saw bottled feeders in my area given loads of negative looks and comments. It must vary a great deal geographically maybe.

Good for you ! My DD only took to bottle following complications. Fully advocate choice for mums. Ignore them all. You are doing a great Job

@littlemissb83 it's a shame that some health professionals are not correctly educated (or maybe pushing formula is the easier option-I know this to be true!) Both my baby's were premises very low birth weight, very low sugars. Nothing was ever offered except formula. I asked for donor milk, luckily I was well informed and knew this was an option , unfortunately most people are not. I was given a bit of a brush off 'it would be better with formula, you can't use donor milk long term, are you sure that's what you really want?' Errr yes it is. After 3 days baby was completely off donor milk and feeding exclusively from me. Bizarrely though, even though he was feeding really well from me they continued to try and put milk down his nasal tube...and then wondered why he kept grimacing and crying (he was blatantly stuffed). I told serval nurses that he didn't need extra, the answer 'well we need to measure how much he's getting '

You are doing brilliantly. Big hug and congrats.
You've perhaps forgotten how hormones settling after birth can be very unsettling for Mum - affecting self confidence. With a bucket load of bossy boots giving unsolicited comments and undermining your confidence, no wonder you're feeling like screaming at them.
I used to say something like this (with a smile) to fend off other peoples opinions, whilst making them feel heard.
'Thank you for those thoughts/suggestions, I'll reflect on them. In the meantime my baby and I are very happy and thriving. Isn't that great!' Should they come back at you with a 'but....', just repeat and repeat until they realise that the only thing they're going to get out of you is this stock phrase.
Your ONLY job is to do whatever is best for your baby and you. So, you can always walk into another room if that's more peaceful for you. It is NOT your job to make another feel comfortable about criticising you! Enjoy this special, beautiful time with your baby.

I remember when I first had my son and I watched to breastfeed, the midwife on duty asked if I’d rather formula feed as that’s what people of my age do and it means my family can help out (I was a teenager). I was adamant I was going to breastfeed (and did until he turned two) but it always surprised me how a health professional had broached it.

But a big well done to you for continuing to breastfeed in the face of adversity! You’re doing a fabulous job x

I have FF one, breast fed another (until she was 2y 8m) and am currently expressing for my tube fed 4 month old - so I've covered the whole spectrum.

My opinion is however you feed your baby is no-one else's business.

You do what's best for you and your lo. Tell others to mind their own business!

Tinkly laugh, "Oh you! Anyone would think you were ignorant!" giggle giggle giggle.....