Pissed at being told to formula feed!

[HeavyMetalMama]

This is something that’s pissing me right off. My baby was born on the very middle line centile in the book, never lost weight and has stayed on that line for his whole 11 weeks. He wakes in the night and feeds fairly often in the day - possibly because he is a baby. I don’t begrudge him this as I’m quite fond of him. In the early days especially where he was glued to the breast I constantly had comments that he’s unsatisfied! He wees and poos for England, smiled at 6 weeks, engages with people etc he’s perfrct (although I could be slightly biased ).
Mum and sister #1 suggest he should have formula as he’s “unsettled” and “not getting enough”. Dad suggests formula to “bulk him up a bit”. Sister #2 jokingly (?) repeats that she hasn’t seen him yet as he’s “always buried in mum’s chest”. Mum & Sis #1 breastfed/combined fed 4 each of their own!
10 years ago, a young mum, I believed all of this and added formula from 4 weeks. Constipated my baby and ruined my milk supply. Determined not to listen this time and it’s been difficult at times but we both love boobing.

The overwhelming support doesn’t stop there, oh no. My brother in law for example sits outside in the car when Sister #2 comes over. MIL gets frustrated that she can’t cuddle DS as much as she’d like because he wants food, I even expressed earlier than I really wanted to so she could give him a bottle but he wants his mummy.
I cover so well that SIL sat opposite me without realising I was feeding, so I’m not waving them around for all to see.
Sister #1 also made a comment about him not being content this weekend.
My baby clinic, which boasts a feeding cafe for all (breast, bottle & weaning) when I took DS to be weighed put me in the corner to feed, faving the wall and sat right next to the bin.

At DS 8 week check the doctor said she’d been there 3 years and he’s the second BF baby she’s seen, in a surgery of over 5000 patients.

These aren’t even all of them.

I’m doing a fantastic job. DS is absolutely thriving. Am I being unreasonable to want to scream every time someone tells me to give him a bottle of formula?

PS no issues at all with formula I think it’s wonderful stuff, just not my choice

I had the same. Not from my mum but my sisters, MIL and SIL. I would make them too clingy, they wouldn't be able to bond with others especially his father etc etc. DS1 was BF until 7 months, I didn't get on with expressing when I went back to work. DS2 was mixed fed from 4 months, DS3 was BF until 11 months and DS4 was bottle fed from 8 weeks because he was seriously ill and my milk dried up with the stress. The clingy one who was fed by whoever was holding him at the time and the one who hasn't bonded well with other people is DS4.

He is your baby, you do what you feel is best. There are many benefits to BF for both baby and mum. Ignore the Formula Fan Club and do what you want to do. If they cant accept that and stop commenting then they dont come round. Simples

Wow, the people who are offended by the term ‘boobing’ need to lighten up.

You are doing amazingly, don’t let the knob heads get to you. Just feel pleased at all the bf goodness you are giving that lovely bubba of yours.

I’ve had 3 kids. First was combination fed, second eb till 18 months and my current baby combination fed (at 2 months). Each baby fed so differently and my circumstances changed (for example current baby feeds slowly and I can’t always sit all day feeding as I have school runs etc to do). I have had judgemental comments from so many people about each choice made on how they were all fed. They’ve not been in my shoes with my babies and can jog on.

*second was breastfed till 18 months

You are doing brilliantly, ignore the comments! If it wasn't this it would be something else.

However, defo what @chinesechicken said!

Fuck them all!!! You're doing brilliantly and using your boobs as they're supposed to be used. Your baby is clearly perfectly fine and very well fed!

Maybe thank them kindly for their concern and tell them that you are doing what works for you and your baby and then just ignore it every time it comes up again. It sounds like misplaced care, ridiculous as it is!!

@Gryffindorwin2991 she sounds like a right knob well done for getting to 2.5 years!

DS3 calls it baboo now he's old enough to ask

Perhaps appreciating that you have had a very easy ride in comparison to a lot of women might help you deal with your ‘distress’

Because you do seem incredibly smug and self congratulatory for somebody who is apparently finding this ‘difficult’

This is just nasty. There's nothing smug or self-congratulatory about the OP's post. Who are you to say the OP has had a very easy ride in comparison to formula-feeding mums? How many people stay in the car because they're scared by the sight of a baby being bottle-fed?

OP, I feel your pain. Some people seem utterly convinced that breasts are the only part of the human body that hardly ever function correctly. I've never heard anyone tell a pregnant woman to prepare for the possibility that her baby will be deaf or blind, for example - there seems to be an acceptance that most people are born without those conditions. Yet so many pregnant women get told to buy formula in case they can't breastfeed. Many people seem to assume that low milk supply is actually the default, and women who can produce enough milk to feed their babies are in the minority. It's downright bizarre. If the baby is small, people say it's because the mother isn't producing enough; if the baby is big, they say the mother won't be able to produce enough to fill them up.

This annoys me so much. I’ve solely breastfed my DS, he’s 10 months now, we both love it and I am determined to carry on as long as he wants.
But I have lost count of the number of times people have said to me ‘why don’t you just give him a bottle?’. And just like you it’s people who’s are supposedly close to me!
Along with ‘you can hold them too much you know’ - MIL, that nearly tipped me over the edge.
Like you say, ‘suplimenting’ is the worst thing to do for your supply and there’s no need when you are clearly going a great job with the boob! I actually feel sad for your young self who got bad advice the first time round, this must happen to so many mums.

Carry on doing the great job you’re doing, don’t feel pressured into expressing if you don’t want to and either if you’re more relaxed than me ignore the comments, or if not, shut them down!

Well said @frouby!!!

No no no no!
Ignore all the comments, you are doing the BEST thing for your baby.
If there are BF support groups near you (I run one and can say (slightly biased obv!) that they are amazing) then go - you will meet people from all walks of life and people who are feeding older toddlers up to school age, feeding with tongue tie, feeding twins etc, despite advice from even professionals to top up with formula.

Also, what’s with all the ‘boobing’ snobs? Boobing boobing boobing boobing

My son weaned himself when he was 3 years and 5 months old. He is 5 now and still loves snuggling himself into my chest or crook of my arm. BFing him were some of the most precious moments of my life!
Enjoy it, you are doing an amazing job.
Don’t let anybody to tell you otherwise

You are doing an amazing job op. Good for you, and your Son. Breastfeeding is exactly what he needs right now. Don't let them put you off. I fed my first for 3 months, my second for 9 months, and my third for 2 years, 2 months. My confidence grew with each baby, and I regret giving up so soon with my first, but I didn't have support and good advice from my midwife. With my third, I didn't have a comfortable feed for the first 5 months because of mastitis and multiple infections (6 courses of antibiotics). I was told by many professionals to give up, and formula feed. One told me the funding just wasn't there to help breastfeeding mums 😔 I persevered because I knew in my heart, that's what my dd needed. I'm so glad I did, wouldn't change it for the world. Please take no notice of them.

I had mine abroad and had so much medical and societal support. Cut to ILs visiting and they were gutted they can’t see kids in NICU as if awake they were bfing. Tried for the next 12 months to make me stop!
We did expressing, bf, formula, ebf and formula mix when starting out and failing to thrive (2 month early prem twins). No ones business but yours as long as are fed!

He’s happy. You’re happy. You crack on boobing, and the others can all fuck off. Here, have some cake to help keep your strength up

Well done for standing your ground! You know what's best for you and your baby.
I was quite surprised when I took DD for her 1 year review (at 10 months) that the person I saw seemed to be encouraging me to stop BF. After all the encouragement that seems to be going into encouraging BF I thought it was very odd. Her reason being that DD was nearly 1 but still not sleeping through the night (only waking once). She's now 15 months and still BF 2 -3 times a day. Sometimes she sleeps through, sometimes she wakes for a quick feed.
As with DS, the BF will stop when DD decides she want to stop (unless she's still going strong when she's ready to start school ).

My first was over 9 lb. He BF exclusively on demand 1-3 hourly to start with, and stayed above the 75th centile. I'm shocked by how you've been treated by professionals particularly! They always go by wet nappies and weight gain in my experience, nobody ever said a negative word once to me. Your families comments definitely sound like they're coming from a place of selfish bitterness that they don't get cuddles as often as they want. Screw them! I'm glad you feel more confident to stand up for yourself this time around.

If you have enough milk to feed and your baby is growing well then tell them you are going to continue. If you listen to them and stop you will always regret it. This is your baby and you are giving him an amazing start in life so well done you. Don't listen to your family who are trying to undermine you instead listen to other MN's who will support you. Breast is best if you have enough milk you are lucky because not everyone does.

It's working for you but most importantly it's working for your baby, don't worry about anyone else.

I had the opposite experience sadly, I had to combination and eventually FF due to my DCs medical problems, he wasn't putting weight on with BF alone. I wanted to BF but equally his health was paramount and he quickly gained weight on formula that he did not on BF. I did combine feeds until I dried up a few months in, I also had my own health problems.

Some mums and sadly some professionals (HVs) were not exactly supportive and made comments that were rude, derogatory and would have been very upsetting when I was younger (all about breast is best, I was failing him as a mother etc - I kid you not) . Thankfully I'm old and don't give a shit, not to mention can retaliate with but people love to try to control how you feed YOUR baby.

You know what is right, you have a Healthy baby. They can take a long jump off a short pier

Still breastfeeding at 5.
Ignore stupid comments.

Boobing? Oh dear

Not RTFT but you’re doing amazingly, to ALL mums whether you nurse, or formula or mix... what’s right for baby is what’s right for Mum! Mums needs are important too!

All 3 of mine were a year or more before halting nursing. My youngest fed till she was 2yrs old, (Ok by then it was just bedtime and morning feeds..)

BF is hard work at first, but IMO the hard work pays off... fast easy food at the right temp wherever you go, no matter what country!

@valanice1989 absolutely fantastic points raised, thank you

@jux I like it