To allow DD (10) to watch Love Island

[Laceystace]

So last year me and my older DC became addicted to the show love island. DH watches it from time to time however we felt our youngest DD ( 9 at the time) was too young to watch it. I personally believe that it's not really appropriate for any of my DC to be watching plus 2 are taking their GCSEs so I don't want any to be distracted. However I doubt it will stop them.

The problem is DH had promised that DD would be able to watch it this year. I knew it was a bad idea for him to promise this however DH thought DD would forget so I went along with it.

Now a year has passed and DD is getting prepared to watch the show. I feel really uncomfortable with the whole thing. The show isn't for children her age. 10 o'clock is too late for her to be staying awake watching trash on TV. I told her yesterday she wouldn't be able to watch it which led to a big tantrum which only clarified my feelings towards the situation. She was crying all last night about how I promised etc. I apologised to her, however she wasnt taking any of it. She felt it is unfair how it was only her that couldn't watch it in the family. I tried to persuade the older DC to maybe give this series a miss or watch it in their bedrooms as DD feels left out. They now feel its unfair to them and that they prefer watching it together as its the only show we all seem to like watching together. DH thinks I should let her watch the first episode as she most likely won't like the show and won't watch it again in the future. However I don't think it's about her liking the show it's about her feeling left out.

I really don't know how I'm going to deal with this it's starts in a few minutes, I'm thinking of maybe allowing DD to maybe watch a few minutes then put her to bed. I just think its a shame that the only show we are happy to watch is trash TV it's embarrassing. I think it would do the family good giving it a miss this year. I just don't want to come across as a 'party pooper'.

My 12 yr old asked. No no no. Tough luck!

Yeah good luck with 1) him going to counselling regardless of alone or as a couple and 2) finding a counsellor who will take you both on in an abusive relationship

He isn't going to suddenly change knowing you won't ever walk away

This. He might agree to go together but most likely so he can monitor what you're saying if he decides, as he will, that's it's crap and you're not going any more. After that you've got no way of insisting.

How the hell is encouraging a 10 year old to watch what is essentially soft porn protecting her.

He had a previous social services incident a few years back. You really need to be proactive here, your family is already known to SS then they can and will take this incident so much more seriously then another family where it was a one off.

I'm sure if you were to have an honest conversation with your mum and siblings that they will do everything they can to help you out of this situation.

So did any of the DC watch it last night or has this all been resolved?

Way to young, not appropriate and on way to late for someone in primary school. I’m quite relaxed when it comes to telly but even mine didn’t start watching more grown up tv til year 8 and i struggled whether to even let my then 14 yo dd watch series 2 of love island.

You'd rather your DH be verbally and emotionally abusive than hear your Mum nagging about him. Really?!

The kids sound like it would benefit them not having him live there either.

Yes looking after 5 kids is hard but so is letting them be on tenderhooks because of their Dad.

Your Mum is distant because of him - that speaks volumes to me. Can't you see that he is not good for anyone.

Your children are frightened of their fathers reaction - are you okay with that?

Re: him getting help. If he wanted help or saw the issue he would have done so already, but he hasn't. He may promise to change and for a few weeks it will be better and then back to normal.

I totally sympathise with him getting you down and making you feel helpless but you are not helpless. Your children need you to take charge here and be a brave Mum.

What is easy isn't always right. Sometimes the hardest option is the only correct one.

I hope you can reach out to your Mum - I bet she misses you and the kids 💐

OP if you are a teacher, I know PPs have doubted this, if social services end up involved with your family again because you don't act regarding his abusive behaviour, you could be deemed but capable of safeguarding because of your choices. That would have an impact on your children and on your job. If you seek help they will support you, but as a teacher you should know this. Having seen the very offensive posts on the trans thread, if it was this OP who made them I think this is all a massive troll.

My 11 year old told me his friends are watching it. He knows I won't let him but then I don't watch it either.
Dani D has apparently had permission from her dad to have sex on the show. I'm not a prude and I wouldn't want my 11 year old to watch it.
I wish there was less crap on tv.

Dani D has apparently had permission from her dad to have sex on the show this will be OPs H in 8 years

I don't think it's prudish to not want an 11 year old to see sexual content on the TV!

I'd be unhappy for a 14 year old to watch it.

This is quite aside from the fact that it's also mind numbing drivel.

Hi all,
Just to say that we've had a read through the thread and we are glad to see that the OP has had good advice and acted on it, at least to some degree. Hopefully people will read this MNHQ post and see that there has been some developments at least, and perhaps stop responding to the initial post for now, as the thread has moved beyond that.

Sure let a ten year old watch a show about a bunch of self centred dickheads trying to fuck each other.

If your dh was not around, then your mum could help you with the children, and you would very soon find yourself agreeing that yes, your dh is awful.

He gets his own way byfrightening the children and his wife into compliance. The children get scared when he's angry, and so do you. So you all just let him do whatever he feels like.

He's horrible and doesn't actually give a shit about any of you. If he did, he would protect his children from trash like LI, and ensure thatnone of them thought that a show like that was worth watching.

It sounds even worse than I thought it was. Actual shagging? What sort of message is that sending to your older children?

She's definitely too young. And 10pm is a little late to go to bed for a 9 year old too. It's entirely your choice. Maybe take her out to buy a dvd and make a fuss of the family watching it together one night after dinner?

RTFT anon.

Well, there really is Jo cure for stupid is there? Wow.. I'm a pretty laid back parent and my kids are always glued to whatever is the in thing amongst their friends on YouTube but even me n the hubby don't watch this shite!

Why would you want her to watch it? Just why? It's telling her it's okay to be an air head and go on reality shows act like a whore and make money that way?

I seriously don't understand why you would want her to watch this. It's on at 9 o'clock for a reason

Radio Five Live are just about to discuss how old someone should be to be allowed to watch Love Island, lady presenter just asked 'how old do you think, 11, 12, let us know what you think'. I'll let you know what they majority say.

At least 14 was the general consensus.
I hope you've managed to have a decent chat with your partner and he can see you worries OP.

I think 14 is too young. 16 absolutely minimum, and then only if you watch it with them and point out what a truly terrible model of 'relationships' these people are presenting. It's like a cattle market. I truly cannot believe how incredibly stupid some of them are. I caught a conversation about Brexit when I was changing channels, and they didn't seem to have any idea what it really was or what the implications are. What the hell is wrong with this country that so many people watch this utter crap for entertainment?