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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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To allow DD (10) to watch Love Island

298 replies

Laceystace · 04/06/2018 20:39

So last year me and my older DC became addicted to the show love island. DH watches it from time to time however we felt our youngest DD ( 9 at the time) was too young to watch it. I personally believe that it's not really appropriate for any of my DC to be watching plus 2 are taking their GCSEs so I don't want any to be distracted. However I doubt it will stop them.

The problem is DH had promised that DD would be able to watch it this year. I knew it was a bad idea for him to promise this however DH thought DD would forget so I went along with it.

Now a year has passed and DD is getting prepared to watch the show. I feel really uncomfortable with the whole thing. The show isn't for children her age. 10 o'clock is too late for her to be staying awake watching trash on TV. I told her yesterday she wouldn't be able to watch it which led to a big tantrum which only clarified my feelings towards the situation. She was crying all last night about how I promised etc. I apologised to her, however she wasnt taking any of it. She felt it is unfair how it was only her that couldn't watch it in the family. I tried to persuade the older DC to maybe give this series a miss or watch it in their bedrooms as DD feels left out. They now feel its unfair to them and that they prefer watching it together as its the only show we all seem to like watching together. DH thinks I should let her watch the first episode as she most likely won't like the show and won't watch it again in the future. However I don't think it's about her liking the show it's about her feeling left out.

I really don't know how I'm going to deal with this it's starts in a few minutes, I'm thinking of maybe allowing DD to maybe watch a few minutes then put her to bed. I just think its a shame that the only show we are happy to watch is trash TV it's embarrassing. I think it would do the family good giving it a miss this year. I just don't want to come across as a 'party pooper'.

OP posts:
RUOKHUN · 06/06/2018 08:34

Just to chime in, when she starts mouthing off and talking to her friends about it today, the teachers WILL know what she’s talking about and you will have questions to answer.

It’s just poor parenting.

virginwhocantdrive · 06/06/2018 08:42

This show isn't appropriate for me to watch and I'm 30!
It's disgusting and mindless.
I don't get why any adult over 25 would watch it unless they're particularly dim themselves.

findingmyfeet12 · 06/06/2018 08:58

I've never watched it. I just had a look on YouTube and NO WAY would I allow a 10 year old to watch this! It's all about sex, how much more inappropriate could it be?

I remember not being allowed to watch Eastenders or the Aussie soaps when all my friends were watching them at school 😂

Now that I think about it I wasn't allowed to watch Grange Hill either as the children were too "naughty"!

21jumpstreet · 06/06/2018 08:59

OP please talk to a friend or family member about this. Love Island is not the problem here, your husband is controlling, manipulative and vile. Your older DCs are already showing you disrespect, please do something before the 10 year old becomes damaged.

findingmyfeet12 · 06/06/2018 09:03

I cringe at the idea of watching something like this with my parents even now at 38.

BackInTime · 06/06/2018 09:09

If my DH thought that watching Love Island was a nice family activity for a 10 year old I would be asking some serious questions and think he had lost the plot.

RubySapphireEmerald · 06/06/2018 09:12

It is utter, utter shite. Why does anyone watch it?

BackInTime · 06/06/2018 09:14

I couldn't look after the DC by myself.

Sorry to break it to you OP but your DH is not helping you to look after your DC, from what you have told us his behaviour is very strange and damaging .

Laceystace · 06/06/2018 09:32

Thank you for the help. I'm considering parenting / marriage counselling for DH and i. I think that's the best option for us.

My mother is around but we aren't on speaking terms as she didn't get on with DH. haven't really spoken to her in a year. My siblings have all got their own familys to deal with and I wouldn't want to bring this kind of drama on my family or friends

I talked to my DC last night about the situation and how it really hurt me the way they spoke to me. I also asked if they thought the show was appropriate for DD they seemed to agree that it wasn't appropriate. They have apologised and we have moved on. I now just want to concentrate on DD. Making sure she's not going around school bragging about watching the show. I'm also thinking about telling a teacher about the situation before they end up hearing out of DDs mouth.

I'm really embarrassed about the whole thing I feel like I have no control over my family and when I try to take control DH just attacks me for it. He always claims he's the 'man of the house' etc however his parenting really needs to change. He had a previous social services incident a few years back. Neighbours usually get worried due to his shouting. He knows the kids don't like when he's mad yet when I'm disagreement with me or the DC he is quick to get angry. It's practically a way for him to make us keep quiet and do as he wants.

He's not all bad he will protect the kids if they are getting hurt. He takes them out and makes sure they do their chores etc. It's just the anger issue and respecting me.

OP posts:
SparklyMagpie · 06/06/2018 09:33

This is embarrassing!!

I'm 27 and would i fuck be watching that shite let alone with my dad!

As for you saying you have 5 kids so can't divorce, bull shit, so you'd rather him watch sexual material with their dad, cause arguments that upset your children, god I could go on

I have absolutely fuck all sympathy

SparklyMagpie · 06/06/2018 09:35

Yeah your last update is the worst out of all of them for me

I love the " he protects them" but not when it comes to a little girl watching sexually explicit content and is adamant she watches

Fucking creepy

BitchQueen90 · 06/06/2018 09:39

He had an incident with social services? For what exactly?

He is abusive. Wake up. Counselling won't change an abuser. Why aren't you protecting your children?

findingmyfeet12 · 06/06/2018 09:42

OP, I have my own issues to deal with too. If my DB or Dsis was going through something like this, I'd want to know about it and to help (so would my DH).

Wildlingofthewest · 06/06/2018 09:44

This man is horrible.
You’ve said it yourself- he uses his anger to control you and your kids.
Wake the fuck up,
You don’t need marriage counselling you need a divorce,

Laceystace · 06/06/2018 09:44

No one is in my shoes. I can't just walk away with the kids. How can I look after 5 kids by myself? maybe my mum would help me but she would most likely nag on about how terrible my DH is.

All families are different and for my family it would be better if DH got the help he needs.

OP posts:
Mrskeats · 06/06/2018 09:44

I knew this would be the tip of the iceberg.
Social services involvement is the least surprising update ever.
He’s abusive and you are not protecting your children. I wonder why you aren’t speaking to your mother. I have no doubt he’s isolating you. Classic abusive behaviour

metalmum15 · 06/06/2018 09:46

He always claims he's the 'man of the house' 😐

Mrskeats · 06/06/2018 09:46

Your mother is right.
All families are different, yes but this is an abusive one. Does he say he needs help?

BitchQueen90 · 06/06/2018 09:46

Can't see him agreeing to getting any help after what you've said about him. He clearly has no respect for your opinion so why would he listen to you?

TatianaLarina · 06/06/2018 09:47

So basically the neighbours know he’s abusive and reported him to social services. But you’re still in denial.

I’ve already told you counselling won’t work with an abusive man. He will play the same power games in therapy that he does at home.

As to his protecting his kids - well everyone on this thread knows that this is not true due to the Love Island incident - he is actively damaging them. His anger is damaging them. His manipulations are damaging them.

Laceystace · 06/06/2018 09:48

BitchQueen90

He would do it if we are both doing it together. I guess would need the help as well.

OP posts:
TatianaLarina · 06/06/2018 09:49

No marriage counsellor worth their salt will counsel you together anyway as there is abuse present.

SleepingStandingUp · 06/06/2018 09:50

How old are there older ones? He isn't going to suddenly change Notre knowing you won't ever walk away. Even when you've only got one or two it's be too much disruption and when you're alone with him it'll be to late to bother. He knows you'll never go anywhere so he can shop what he wants

findingmyfeet12 · 06/06/2018 09:50

Protecting your kids if they're getting hurt (presumably physically?) is a bare minimum as a parent.

He's not protecting a 10 year old from Love Island though is he? Bruises and cuts will heal...

BitchQueen90 · 06/06/2018 09:51

If any man ever did something that would require a social services visit he'd be out on his arse. Your children should be more important than your marriage imo. They shouldn't have to be intimidated by their own father.