To not want DSD2B to be a bridesmaid?

[Laybyloitering]

DP and I are due to marry later this year. We've been together four years and lived together for three. He has two children a boy and a girl. My DSD2B is 14 and I have genuinely tried everything to build a relationship with her, I mean everything, but I've so far failed. I believe this could be down to her feeling guilty due to messages from her mum or it could be she just doesn't like me. I'm not the OW, her parents were separated for two years before I met DP. We get along Ok, have never had cross words but there's a general uncomfortable feeling between us.

When we announced our engagement she asked her dad if she could be his bridesmaid!? She didn't speak to me, but I said she could be my bridesmaid and we tried to make plans. They ended up being awkward and uncomfortable but we're persevering.

Last week I found out she's been bad mouthing me to her mum. Her mum posted this on here! I know her user name and she knows I know it, it's her way of making sly digs at me. I haven't a clue why as I have never done anything to harm DP's ex.

I checked with a friend of a friend and she confirmed that DSD has been quite unkind about me on several occasions.

I don't want DSD as bridesmaid, she will obviously come to the wedding and can have a role as her dad's attendant but AIBU to not want her to join me and my best friends and family as a bridesmaid when she has been so nasty?

I was an amazing, perfect parent before I had kids as well OP. I could have sorted all of them out. You'll learn.

She's only doing what you and the ex do - badmouthing each other publicly. I expect ex will read this and there'll be a counteracting post then. Nonsense behaviour from adults. Yet you expect a 14 year old in the midst of all this to display model behaviour?

Shame on posters who are coming down so hard on a 14 year old girl.

If she's a sensible girl she won't be bridesmaid, just come to the wedding and thereonwards close her ears to what 2 silly women have to say and hopefully she can't see the online battles either🙄ppp

9 times out of 10 the root of disputes is the Husband doing nothing to resolve anything, head in the sand cant be asked style. Man is He Who Can't Be Challenged whilst woman goes apeshit at another woman.

OP - you refer to her terrible behaviour - all she has done is bad mouth you behind your back. That's not terrible behaviour, it's normal. Most family members will have done the same on many occasions - I bet you've said things in private that you wouldn't repeat to someone's face.

For the record I love my mum, sister and DH. Have I exploded in a rage to a third party and ranted that I hate them on occasion? Of course I have but luckily for me the people I ranted to were trustworthy.

I just remember, with my dsd, that no matter how badly she behaved, no matter how many lies she told, I was seen as the bad person (except by DH who knew the effort and lengths I’d gone to to create a healthy co-existing environment). In the end, it wore me down and really wasn’t bothered whether I saw her again. But, that would have been awful for DH so, I stepped up once more and we’re now “rubbing along”. You’ve no choice OP.

No wonder children and teenagers are so badly behaved with attitudes like this. Whilst sacking her as bridesmaid is a bit harsh, her behaviour has been pretty terrible and there's so much mamby pamby advice here, ignoring what she's actually done.

All this post does is highlight your current lack of knowledge and experience about parenting and building good relationships with children. That's not your fault - you don't have kids so why would you know?

But I hope for all your sakes you put some serious effort in to wise up before you cause some serious damage to your and your STBDH's relationships with his children.

No wonder children and teenagers are so badly behaved with attitudes like this. Whilst sacking her as bridesmaid is a bit harsh, her behaviour has been pretty terrible and there's so much mamby pamby advice here, ignoring what she's actually done.

God you sound pretty nasty to be honest. Your DSD has done nothing wrong as far as I can see, she badmouthed you to a third party? So? You're an adult and have bad mouthed a child all over the internet!

I hope when you actually get involved in step parenting or have children of your own you'll grow up a bit and try to put your own feelings to one side sometimes.