Is the Ex wife taking the pi**???

[Glitterzzz]

Hello

My partner has two children with his ex wife and they have a great close relationship. He sees them very often and pays maintenance each month with fail. On top of this he pays for his eldest daughters bus pass and on a weekly basis he will buy them things they need like school clothing, shoes, trainers, replacing broke school bags, smashed iPhone screens and so on. He also provided a phone for each girl and pays their monthly phone bills for their contract.

His ex wife has texted asking for more maintenance. She works as does my partner. She has claimed it needs to go up as she’s had to buy a lot of clothes lately which is just hilarious when last week he had to buy his eldest clothing as she didn’t have any summer / warmer weather clothes.

His ex is super tight. She refused to get them a phone ( both teenagers) she shops second hand for their shoes and they both obviously have limited clothes. The girls know there is no chance of getting anything branded or modern from mum so they turn to the bank of Dad and he pays it all.

This isn’t the girls fault.

The mum has never offered to pay half towards anything he has contributed. Would like to make it clear these haven’t been luxury little gifts they have been things that are needed ( one didn’t have the right sports footwear for PE the other had holes on her shoes ) his ex has never thanked or acknowledged anything extra he provides and he provides a lot on a weekly basis on top of the maintenance.

She was in Milan last month and just returned home from a week away this weekend and now he has this message. He has said he won’t pay her anything else ( hasn’t told her yet ) but I’m thinking there’s a small chance he might.

It’s his money but he works bloody hard 60 plus hours a week trying to make a better life and is in no way financially comfortable .

Is this a piss take ?

If he is paying the cms minimum pkus all those extras then yanbu

Don’t know if it’s a piss take without knowing how much he pays in maintenance. Extras are up to him/part of parenting.

Definite piss take.

No parent could see their kids with holes in their shoes and not pay for a replacement but it always falls to him. He pays £400 a month for two girls 11/13 and £40 on top for phones and £30 a month for the bus pass .

It depends how much maintenance he pays if more than CMS plus the other bits, he's doing the right thing and doesn't have to pay more

£100 a week isn't a huge amount to support two teens, that isn't half of all their expenses that mum is paying.

The phones are a luxury not a necessity

Since he provides them with all their extra luxuries I would say he is being fair to say no.

How much does he pay her?

I think the "great close relationship" is more your issue.

Bills, rent, food, activities, is more than £50 a week per child, without things like coffees, school uniforms, trips etc. Could you raise a teenager on that?

At the end of the day it's up to him how much maintenance / child support he gives

He’s only paying 400/mth for 2 girls plus an extra 60/mth for luxuries they don’t need? Wow. If only everyone could raise children so cheaply.

I GUARANTEE the ex pays more than 400. Teens are bloody expensive to raise - no mum wants to go to second hand shops to get clothes for kids. Also; how many holidays / luxury times does your DP spend his money on when he only spends 400/mth on his kids? He’s the tight one, not her.

£400 a month isn't a lot for teens at all, you made it sound like he was flash Harry with the cash and she had them living in Angela's ashes era with holes in their shoes but that's not a lot to pay really

I think £400 per month plus phones and clothes is fair enough.

He also pays for their travel?

I wouldn’t pay an extra unless the calculator says you should be

I don't know how much he is paying - I would say that his maintenance should cover at least half of food costs plus the additional heating electric bills and additional rent costs for having the kids there. Now they're teenagers it makes sense for other costs e.g. clothes etc. to use be paid for directly by the kids approaching dad which sounds like it's happening anyway.

Tbh if he's buying extras like clothes then I think this is enough! I get £120 a month from my two boys dad, with NO extras 😡 I imagine she's getting CTC and CB too? Yes teens are expensive, but it seems he's paying for extras on top of CM so I don't see what the problem is? Not saying she shouldn't have a holiday but if it's at the deficit of her kids then too bad. I managed a long haul trip on my own a few months ago and my kids still don't go without.

Those who are saying it should be more:

Tell me how it costs more than £400 per month? The mother needs to contribute too. Dad doesn’t have to pay for everything

No I don't think she's taking the piss - sorry - I bet they cost more than £200 a week to feed, clothe, house etc - so she's paying more than 50%

But ultimately it's up to him what he contributes to his children's upkeep not you

Well, if the mum is such a tight meanie when it comes to the girls but splashes the cash on herself swanning off to Milan, why doesn't he offer to have the girls live with him? If what you say is true about her being such a grabby mother they'll jump at the chance surely.

I agree £400 a month really isn't a lot. What are her accommodation costs?

Sorry I agree he is not paying a huge amount of money. Mum might not be tight she might simply not be able to afford much more.

However you say he is not financially comfortable either. Maybe it’s a question of looking at how the money is spent rather than paying more eg cheaper phone plans

She’s taking the piss.

And I read the close relationship as being between dad and daughters not dad and ex.

He’s paying for plenty. Is she spending £400 a month on them too? Sounds unlikely when he’s funding school stuff, clothes, shoes, phone contracts etc.

Is she spending £400 a month on them too well I am guessing unless she is living rent/mortgage free yes !

Yanbu. All the people saying it costs more than £400 to raise 2 teens and the ex has bills to pay etc... well so does the op's husband. He sees the girls regularly and needs to provide a roof over their heads and good for them himself.

£400 plus extras is more than enough.

good = FOOD